OMG my sister is a Bridesmaid-zilla!

Tiffanymosby2013 · June 2013

Ok I need to vent. I became engaged on my birthday on April 19th to the best man ever.

. We are getting married on March 8, 2014. I am the type of woman who loves having things done and in order well in advanced so I already selected my MOH and bridesmaids. I know it is a little soon to settle on their dresses, yet, due to my MOH being "big and beautiful" at a size 22, we started searching for her and the bridesmaids gowns. All of the other ladies are "petite" in size. I've already ran into the challenge of finding bridesmaid gowns that look great for my plus sized MOH, and have had "interference" from my older sister who's one of my bridesmaids to the point she texts other bridesmaids to "boycot," yes,boycot my dress selections and side with her on what she thinks would look great and "sexy" on her as she walks down the aisle. I kid you not. So to try to keep peace with her, I've gotten to the point I limit my interactions to only texts with her...occasionally and not phone calls so that I will breathe and not yell at her for acting like a psychopath by blowing up my cell phone with over 25 photos of dresses she wants instead. I really don't have anyone else (besides my understanding and patient fiancé) to talk to about this so I thought I'd make a message here.....yo should hear the Tory about my bridal gown and her expectations to have the wedding program to have a blurb on them to "thank her" for her financial contribution (which I have now declined) and her "wedding planner" skills, which she thinks she has. Woo-sah. Breathe....breathe....

aurianna · June 2013

Have you found out the budgets of each of the bridesmaids? If the dress your sister keeps spamming is more expensive than the cheapest budget a good way to shut he down on that particular dress is "Sorry. We are only looking for dress under $XYZ".

Is it possible to have a quiet talk with just our sister at first, "Sister while I want you to like the dress we pick, it is very important to me that all of my bridesmaids feel beautiful. The dress you like will not work for every bridesmaid. You look gorgeous in everything, so I'm sure we will find something everyone loves. Let's please work together on this and not against each other."

An easier option though might be pick a designer that has lots of styles in the same color and fabric. Then each girl can have the style she finds most flattering. That might be your easiest path.

Tiffanymosby2013 · June 2013

Nice ideas, Auriana. If only life with her was that simple. The ladies' budget and mine are in the same bracket. My sister wants a short, red, dress to capture attention. She loves extra attention and said and I quote, "I love all the eyes on me. I have no budget. Anything I wear will look sexy but I want XYZ." I've attempted to accommodate her but I'm not making our church wedding and reception into a night club gathering. Sometimes you have to pick your battles and this one I'm sticking to out of what my fiancé and I want for wedding.

bethsmiles · June 2013

aurianna said:
An easier option though might be pick a designer that has lots of styles in the same color and fabric. Then each girl can have the style she finds most flattering. That might be your easiest path.

This is really an excellent option for the problem you are having. You can tell you BMs a color, fabric, and even length and then let them all choose something they feel good in. They don't all have to wear the exact same dress.

Tiffanymosby2013 · June 2013

I definitely appreciate you ladies, yet, it's a situation where my bridal party and I took time to go over color, length, fabric, etc., and came to all like a certain dress (except for my sis). My sister just has a history of being difficult and is adamant in selecting something that is not appropriate for the occasion in order that she looks "sexy." She's also trying to talk our mother out of a certain MOB dress because its sexier than hers (in her opinion). This is more than an issue about a dress and won't be resolved unfortunately. It is what it is and we're moving forward and told her she has a choice to be a team player or sour puss. It's something we've had to deal with our whole lives. I just needed a venting moment because I'm usually the one to just grin and bare it. That's all.

stantokm · June 2013

@Tiffanymosby2013, can your mom have a talk with your sister and tell her that she needs to get over herself? I'm assuming that your sister isn't married yet; remind her that when her day comes, she can pick whatever ugly dress she wants you to wear (and it sounds like she'd pick something terrible so that she could look the best).

If your sister refuses to buy the dress you picked out, tell her, "I'm disappointed that you don't want to be in my wedding." When she says that she wants to be in your wedding, just not in that dress, say, "All of my bridesmaids will be wearing this dress. If you don't wear this dress, you are not a bridesmaid and I'll be very sad."

She's going to b!tch and moan no matter what you do, though. Good luck.

Chipmunk415 · June 2013

First off, yay for a fellow March 8, 2014 bride!

I'm a devotee of Etiquette Hell, and Miss Jeanne's archives are full of stories of women who sound like your sister. I agree with PPs, give them the color, length, and preferred fabric and let them pick what they feel best in. If your sister's dress looks like it's wa-hey-hey-ay too much for a bridesmaid, SHE will be the one looking inappropriate, not you. Your guests are coming to see you and your FI get married and celebrate with you- the focus will be entirely on you, not her.

(Side note, at least her desire for bright red is better than her showing up in white!)

You haven't mentioned here, but are you getting married in a church or other house of worship? If so, you may want to speak to the minister or priest about any issues regarding attire. Some churches take issue with shoulders bared by strapless dresses or skirts above a certain length- it can be perceived as disrespectful and/or immodest in a holy place.

If they have a restriction (ie, no J.Lo cut necklines, shoulders covered, dress must cover all of your butt and at least 3 inches of your thighs, etc), you need to tell your maids so they can plan accordingly in picking out their attire. This gives you the added bonus of telling sister "Sorry Sis, I know you like that dress, but the rules at the house of worship are THE RULES. You look great, but THIS dress over here looks even better on you and meets the guidelines!!" Then, she can complain as much as she wants, but if she doesn't meet the restrictions, she's taken herself out of the equation and the party. My guess is she WON'T go around whining "I wanted to wear sexy hooker dress, but Sister's house of worship thought it was inappropriate so I have to cover my upstairs and downstairs."

If your mom approaches you about whether to go with the MOB dress she wants, remember to smile and say "Mom, you look absolutely spectacular in that dress, you feel great in it, and I wouldn't want you to feel any other way." Good luck!

SnowWhiteMontreal · June 2013

Tiffanymosby2013 said:

My sister wants a short, red, dress to capture attention. She loves extra attention and said and I quote, "I love all the eyes on me. I have no budget. Anything I wear will look sexy but I want XYZ."

Wow! Does she realize that YOU are supposed to be the center of the attention on that day and not her?

MairePoppy · June 2013

It would be nice if you could pick a color and let everyone choose their own dress, but there's a certain decorum that should be observed for a religious ceremony in a church. Any chance that there's a written dress code that you could show her?

Since you've selected a dress that's within everyone's budget, and your sister is being impossible, you should just stick to your guns. Give your sister the info she needs to order her dress and be done with it.

You were smart to turn down your sisters $$ for your wedding. Your sister sounds like a real peach.

aurianna · June 2013

Maybe something like... "Sis, I'm sure that red dress would look amazing on you. If you decide to change into it after the ceremony that wouldn't bother me, but all of my bridesmaids will be wearing the dress I pick down the aisle during the ceremony."

hockey20 · June 2013

I would go with simply saying that this is the dress, she does not have to wear it and that is her choice, but if she makes that decision than your hand will be forced and, while it makes you incredibly sad, she won't be in the wedding party.

Tiffanymosby2013 · June 2013

I thought I'd give you ladies an update on the bridesmaidzilla issues I was having with my sister. So this past Saturday we all had an appointment for my mom, the bridesmaids, and MOH to get measured for their dresses and leave deposits on them. It came to my understanding that my mom, my sister's daughter, AND my sister's husband yes she IS married spoke to her about being a brat and to chill out with thebridesmaidZILLA behaviors. You might ask why she was a brides"maid/matron" ....that was because of her wanting to be in control of our wedding and limiting her involvement was the best decision. Well, Saturday, she was on time fr the appointment and very helpful and playful. She still said her usual quirky things, but was able to be focused on the task at hand AND paid the deposit for her gown and said she loves it ((even though it was not scandalous and overly "sexy." I selected a long satin gown that was staples. It's royal blue and was gorgeous. My mother selected her gown as well and it was breathtakingly beautiful and elegant. My mom, sister, and I had a great time" we laughed and enjoyed the day. THEN ..... They're all done with their fittings. My maid of honor had some "issues" arise! While we were all getting things done, she never showed for the appointment, the night before she sent a text saying, "we'll you need to reschedule because I don't feel like going it tomorrow..." I texted her back saying, well, that's your choice, however, were making a day out of spending time together with going to the boutique' cake tasting, and to lunch... So Saturday came along...I get a phone call from the MOH. She's on her cell in her car, and yells, "I can't find this F--CKING place! My GPS keeps putting me at some F-CKING store." I then said, "remember it doesn't show up on GPSs and gave her the intersection and a store she's familiar with that's about 800 feet away. She said, "yeah I know that place." "So just go there and I'll come out and get you," I said. But no. Since that was not on her GPS she yelled at me some more and said, "This is all your fault. Why the F-CK you go there anyway!!?" This is when she yells, SH--T I'm being pulled over by the cops!" Then she hangs up. I call and text her back about an hour later to see what was going on but didn't hear back. She texted me back about 1 1/2 hours later saying she had gotten a ticket for erratic driving. But, beingthatshehasahistory of being slammed by cops for being rude, she took it a step further and texted me saying, she went to the police station to file a complaint against the cop for being so "harsh" on her. It honestly,even though she has been my friend since 2nd grade, I can totally see how she got ticketed. She's at a point it's concerning me that she's becoming highly negative and out of control with how she interacts with me and others. She finally texted me 2 1/2 hours later saying she's going to the boutique to get fitted and if we were still there. Our appointment was at 11am and it was 1:30 when she asked. I said, "Jane" everyone is done with their appointments. I did explain to them what happened and why you're late. They were understanding and said to let you know they will work with you and that you can just walk in. They seem like nice ladies. Now the rest of us had left the store by this time since "Jane" said she wasnt going to get fitted today (yes..one minute she is, then another, she's not). The rest of us left to get lunch. I texted her saying, "Jane, I'm sorry you're having a bad day. Please call me to let me know what you want to do." So while my sister, mother,fiancé (he met us for lunch), and I were at lunch, I get a bunch of texts back to back from "Jane" saying, "you know what I don't like your message about me having a bad day...you're being a Bridezilla, F--CK you and F--CK your wedding. I went to try that dress on and it was a size 2! I couldn't get it on!!!!!" ((The dress was a size 6 but regardless. I also told her specifically in another text that all the dresses run small, but you can look at it to see how it looks. I searched for weeks, high and low for a shop that would accommodate her size 22 and they did.That's why I picked them. I explained that the purpose of the appointment was for everyone to be measured and make deposits)). So apparently she yelled at them also about those dresses. I don't even know if she MADE the deposit because at this point, I don't want this kind of vibe surrounding the wedding. After all her drama and nastiness, which seems to be a pattern of hers, it was sweet to see my sister be supportive. She said, "all. You can do is laugh abut this...who gets ticketed on their way to a fitting? Only her, right?" My sister made a snarky face then and said, well, I can always step up if you'd like...sometimes people surprise you while you're let down in other ways. I mean, it just seems like "Jane" has been nothing but negative and difficult in so many ways: refusing to wear shoes at the formal wedding's reception at the country club...downplaying the reception site, being contrary. I offered to have all the ladies in the party's hair styled bay professional stylist, she then says, " humph, I don't let just anybody touch my hair..." I feel like enough is enough. I tight that would have been a nice gesture for my ladies and fun. Instead, I was called controlling. Anyone else have experiences of out of control wedding participants?

zitiqueen · June 2013

Tiffanymosby2013 said:

I thought I'd give you ladies an update on the bridesmaidzilla issues I was having with my sister. So this past Saturday we all had an appointment for my mom, the bridesmaids, and MOH to get measured for their dresses and leave deposits on them. It came to my understanding that my mom, my sister's daughter, AND my sister's husband yes she IS married spoke to her about being a brat and to chill out with thebridesmaidZILLA behaviors. You might ask why she was a brides"maid/matron" ....that was because of her wanting to be in control of our wedding and limiting her involvement was the best decision. Well, Saturday, she was on time fr the appointment and very helpful and playful. She still said her usual quirky things, but was able to be focused on the task at hand AND paid the deposit for her gown and said she loves it ((even though it was not scandalous and overly "sexy." I selected a long satin gown that was staples. It's royal blue and was gorgeous. My mother selected her gown as well and it was breathtakingly beautiful and elegant. My mom, sister, and I had a great time" we laughed and enjoyed the day. THEN ..... They're all done with their fittings. My maid of honor had some "issues" arise! While we were all getting things done, she never showed for the appointment, the night before she sent a text saying, "we'll you need to reschedule because I don't feel like going it tomorrow..." I texted her back saying, well, that's your choice, however, were making a day out of spending time together with going to the boutique' cake tasting, and to lunch... So Saturday came along...I get a phone call from the MOH. She's on her cell in her car, and yells, "I can't find this F--CKING place! My GPS keeps putting me at some F-CKING store." I then said, "remember it doesn't show up on GPSs and gave her the intersection and a store she's familiar with that's about 800 feet away. She said, "yeah I know that place." "So just go there and I'll come out and get you," I said. But no. Since that was not on her GPS she yelled at me some more and said, "This is all your fault. Why the F-CK you go there anyway!!?" This is when she yells, SH--T I'm being pulled over by the cops!" Then she hangs up. I call and text her back about an hour later to see what was going on but didn't hear back. She texted me back about 1 1/2 hours later saying she had gotten a ticket for erratic driving. But, beingthatshehasahistory of being slammed by cops for being rude, she took it a step further and texted me saying, she went to the police station to file a complaint against the cop for being so "harsh" on her. It honestly,even though she has been my friend since 2nd grade, I can totally see how she got ticketed. She's at a point it's concerning me that she's becoming highly negative and out of control with how she interacts with me and others. She finally texted me 2 1/2 hours later saying she's going to the boutique to get fitted and if we were still there. Our appointment was at 11am and it was 1:30 when she asked. I said, "Jane" everyone is done with their appointments. I did explain to them what happened and why you're late. They were understanding and said to let you know they will work with you and that you can just walk in. They seem like nice ladies. Now the rest of us had left the store by this time since "Jane" said she wasnt going to get fitted today (yes..one minute she is, then another, she's not). The rest of us left to get lunch. I texted her saying, "Jane, I'm sorry you're having a bad day. Please call me to let me know what you want to do." So while my sister, mother,fiancé (he met us for lunch), and I were at lunch, I get a bunch of texts back to back from "Jane" saying, "you know what I don't like your message about me having a bad day...you're being a Bridezilla, F--CK you and F--CK your wedding. I went to try that dress on and it was a size 2! I couldn't get it on!!!!!" ((The dress was a size 6 but regardless. I also told her specifically in another text that all the dresses run small, but you can look at it to see how it looks. I searched for weeks, high and low for a shop that would accommodate her size 22 and they did.That's why I picked them. I explained that the purpose of the appointment was for everyone to be measured and make deposits)). So apparently she yelled at them also about those dresses. I don't even know if she MADE the deposit because at this point, I don't want this kind of vibe surrounding the wedding. After all her drama and nastiness, which seems to be a pattern of hers, it was sweet to see my sister be supportive. She said, "all. You can do is laugh abut this...who gets ticketed on their way to a fitting? Only her, right?" My sister made a snarky face then and said, well, I can always step up if you'd like...sometimes people surprise you while you're let down in other ways. I mean, it just seems like "Jane" has been nothing but negative and difficult in so many ways: refusing to wear shoes at the formal wedding's reception at the country club...downplaying the reception site, being contrary. I offered to have all the ladies in the party's hair styled bay professional stylist, she then says, " humph, I don't let just anybody touch my hair..." I feel like enough is enough. I tight that would have been a nice gesture for my ladies and fun. Instead, I was called controlling. Anyone else have experiences of out of control wedding participants?

Again, PARAGRAPHS.

MairePoppy · June 2013

Jane sounds like a hot mess. Tell the salon to order the dresses for the bms who have been measured, not to wait for Jane. Give Jane the 'order by' date for dress to be in on time for the wedding. If she doesn't follow through, then she has taken herself out of the wedding. Don't remind her. The worst case scenario is that Jane will have to drop out of the wedding - which will probably be a relief to you.

I'm glad that your family pulled together to resolve the problem with your sister. It's nice that you have a family that supports you.

Thanks for the update.

I sent you a private message. Click on the little envelope in the upper right corner.

Tiffanymosby2013 · June 2013

My text was in paragraphs when I wrote it but was saved and posted as one text. I'm sorry I can't figure out how to adjust it.

MairePoppy · June 2013

Tiffanymosby2013 said:

I thought I'd give you ladies an update on the bridesmaidzilla issues I was having with my sister. So this past Saturday we all had an appointment for my mom, the bridesmaids, and MOH to get measured for their dresses and leave deposits on them. It came to my understanding that my mom, my sister's daughter, AND my sister's husband yes she IS married spoke to her about being a brat and to chill out with thebridesmaidZILLA behaviors. You might ask why she was a brides"maid/matron" ....that was because of her wanting to be in control of our wedding and limiting her involvement was the best decision. Well, Saturday, she was on time fr the appointment and very helpful and playful. She still said her usual quirky things, but was able to be focused on the task at hand AND paid the deposit for her gown and said she loves it ((even though it was not scandalous and overly "sexy." I selected a long satin gown that was staples. It's royal blue and was gorgeous. My mother selected her gown as well and it was breathtakingly beautiful and elegant. My mom, sister, and I had a great time" we laughed and enjoyed the day.

THEN ..... They're all done with their fittings. My maid of honor had some "issues" arise! While we were all getting things done, she never showed for the appointment, the night before she sent a text saying, "we'll you need to reschedule because I don't feel like going it tomorrow..." I texted her back saying, well, that's your choice, however, were making a day out of spending time together with going to the boutique' cake tasting, and to lunch... So Saturday came along...I get a phone call from the MOH. She's on her cell in her car, and yells, "I can't find this F--CKING place! My GPS keeps putting me at some F-CKING store." I then said, "remember it doesn't show up on GPSs and gave her the intersection and a store she's familiar with that's about 800 feet away. She said, "yeah I know that place." "So just go there and I'll come out and get you," I said. But no. Since that was not on her GPS she yelled at me some more and said, "This is all your fault. Why the F-CK you go there anyway!!?" This is when she yells, SH--T I'm being pulled over by the cops!" Then she hangs up. I call and text her back about an hour later to see what was going on but didn't hear back. She texted me back about 1 1/2 hours later saying she had gotten a ticket for erratic driving. But, beingthatshehasahistory of being slammed by cops for being rude, she took it a step further and texted me saying, she went to the police station to file a complaint against the cop for being so "harsh" on her. It honestly,even though she has been my friend since 2nd grade, I can totally see how she got ticketed. She's at a point it's concerning me that she's becoming highly negative and out of control with how she interacts with me and others.

She finally texted me 2 1/2 hours later saying she's going to the boutique to get fitted and if we were still there. Our appointment was at 11am and it was 1:30 when she asked. I said, "Jane" everyone is done with their appointments. I did explain to them what happened and why you're late. They were understanding and said to let you know they will work with you and that you can just walk in. They seem like nice ladies. Now the rest of us had left the store by this time since "Jane" said she wasnt going to get fitted today (yes..one minute she is, then another, she's not). The rest of us left to get lunch. I texted her saying, "Jane, I'm sorry you're having a bad day. Please call me to let me know what you want to do." So while my sister, mother,fiancé (he met us for lunch), and I were at lunch, I get a bunch of texts back to back from "Jane" saying, "you know what I don't like your message about me having a bad day...you're being a Bridezilla, F--CK you and F--CK your wedding. I went to try that dress on and it was a size 2! I couldn't get it on!!!!!" ((The dress was a size 6 but regardless. I also told her specifically in another text that all the dresses run small, but you can look at it to see how it looks. I searched for weeks, high and low for a shop that would accommodate her size 22 and they did.That's why I picked them. I explained that the purpose of the appointment was for everyone to be measured and make deposits)). So apparently she yelled at them also about those dresses. I don't even know if she MADE the deposit because at this point, I don't want this kind of vibe surrounding the wedding. After all her drama and nastiness, which seems to be a pattern of hers, it was sweet to see my sister be supportive. She said, "all. You can do is laugh abut this...who gets ticketed on their way to a fitting? Only her, right?" My sister made a snarky face then and said, well, I can always step up if you'd like...sometimes people surprise you while you're let down in other ways.

I mean, it just seems like "Jane" has been nothing but negative and difficult in so many ways: refusing to wear shoes at the formal wedding's reception at the country club...downplaying the reception site, being contrary. I offered to have all the ladies in the party's hair styled bay professional stylist, she then says, " humph, I don't let just anybody touch my hair..." I feel like enough is enough. I tight that would have been a nice gesture for my ladies and fun. Instead, I was called controlling. Anyone else have experiences of out of control wedding participants?

Hope that helps.

NYCMercedes · June 2013

Ziti and Marie, I cannot do paragraphs with the new forum format. Do either of you use an iPad? Oh, and Tiffany, Marie said what I would say if I were as smart as she.

MairePoppy · June 2013

@NYCMercedes - No, I'm using a desk top computer. I've tried to transition to an iPad, but I hate it. I've seen others mention they can't make paragraphs with their iPads. Honestly, I was just trying to help OP.

NYCMercedes · June 2013

Marie, thank you.

lynnernon · October 2013

If you don't want to ask her if she's paid a deposit for the dress, you can usually call the salon and since you're the bride for that group they'll usually tell you who has paid a deposit or a final payment and who hasn't. My salon even sent me a receipt as soon as all 4 of my bridesmaids had made a deposit and I could clearly see that 2 did a deposit and 2 paid in full, so I knew who would eventually have to pay before they picked up their dress.

MobKaz · October 2013

lynnernon said:

If you don't want to ask her if she's paid a deposit for the dress, you can usually call the salon and since you're the bride for that group they'll usually tell you who has paid a deposit or a final payment and who hasn't. My salon even sent me a receipt as soon as all 4 of my bridesmaids had made a deposit and I could clearly see that 2 did a deposit and 2 paid in full, so I knew who would eventually have to pay before they picked up their dress.

@lynnernon.....this is a semi dead thread. The OP has not been back to this post since June. When you respond to a thread, look at the date under the avatar of the last poster. That will indicate whether the thread is currently active.

OMG my sister is a Bridesmaid-zilla!

Re: OMG my sister is a Bridesmaid-zilla!

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