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Talked But IDK

Tiffblue92Tiffblue92 member
First Comment
in Not Engaged Yet
Ok, so here is where it starts. My SO and I have been together a year and 6 months, we have talked over and over again about getting married. BUT (he has yet to put a ring on my finger) We talked about it back in march. We were going to get married on St. Patricks day but when it came up to about a week before that i told him I can't wait and on the day of we didnt go and do it. I'm a good ol country girl andI told him that I dont want no fancy 300 dollar ring but a simple one would be nice we always joke around and say "will you marry me" but when it comes down to it. We NEVER get married. He tells me time and time again yes i want to get married. All im thinking is well why the hell we aint done it yet? he Told me we are engaged to be engaged. SUPER CONFUSED!!!But one thing I did notice the other day when we were looking at Stuff in the jewelry department at Walmart was he was looking in the same spot of rings two different times. So I'm not sure if he is going to actually pop the question or not. If he doesnt I shall wait but if he does I'll be happier than I already am.
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Re: Talked But IDK

  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    First, there is no such thing as being engaged to be engaged, unofficially engaged, or anything that is a half-way stage between dating and being engaged.

    How old are the two of you?
    Do you live together?
    What do you and your SO do for a living?

    It sounds like the two of you aren't on the same page. It would be a good idea to sit down with him and discuss timelines, what you both want to happen in the one, five and ten years. Figure out what you both need to happen before getting married. He may know he wants to marry you but not be ready for marriage yet for any number of reasons.

    My BF and I have been talking about marriage for years at this point. I know he wants to marry me and I know why we haven't gotten married yet. I think you'll feel better if you know why he is waiting.


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  • Tiffblue92Tiffblue92 member
    First Comment
    My SO is 26 and i am turning 21 yes we live together. He was in the military for 8 years and got out 2011 and works at our local gas station and is planning on going back to school. I work at a deli. He always told me the reason we havent gotten married yet is cause he is afraid I would loose my insurence.
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  • nyiri89nyiri89 member
    Fifth Anniversary 10 Comments Name Dropper
    I understand the frustration and confusion, but bethsmiles is right - it doesn't sound like you two are on the same page. Have you talked about what marriage means to you? Why you want to get married? Can you both wait to make this huge step so he can finish school? Do you want to go back to school? It just seems like you have a lot more questions than answers right now. You'll want to have your answers before you can answer "the question" from him.

    And as far as the insurance thing, wouldn't you get his benefits and some coverage as he is ex-military?
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  • Peaseblossom55Peaseblossom55 mod
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    I would definitely have a talk about time lines so you are on the same page about when you guys will take the next steps.  FI & I talked about marriage and we definitely knew around 8 months in or so we were the ones. It was almost at the 3 1/2 year point we became engaged.  So it may take awhile I understand at times you can become impatient ( it happened to me at times) I tried to enjoy the simple parts of our relationship, and other milestones along the way.  I felt happy because mostly I knew my search was over and it was just a matter of time before it became official to the world.  

    I sincerely hope this makes sense.

    Anniversary

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  • Tiffblue92Tiffblue92 member
    First Comment
    im honestly not sure hun thats why i made another post on the military brides thing. We have talked about what it means to us and i means o us as we are united as one forever and all eternity. We both want to go to school but I am waiting til I find out what I want to go for. I might go ahead and get my basics outta the way. I asked him and he said he wanted to wait for a baby til he graduates and he is fine with getting married. He is the one that said one day 'baby lets go get married' i asked him why he said " i love you i want to make you happy' he already makes me happy but we know marriage will bring us closer.
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  • Tiffblue92Tiffblue92 member
    First Comment
    When he and I met it was LOVE at first sight he saved me from an abusive relationship and all kinds of other things we have had things try adn come between us but it never broke us up or nothing it only made us stronger. I thought I was in love before but in all honesty I wasnt I was more in lust and in my opinion you can only be in true true love once. And that is what I feel for him. I love him with my heart body and soul and just being around/with him makes me the happiest girl in the world.
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  • CLoGreenEyesCLoGreenEyes member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited June 2013
    Hi! Here are my thoughts as I read your posts:

    1) One and a half years is a good chunk of time to get to know each other, but 'round these parts there are soooooo many ladies who have been dating for longer periods of time and are not currently expecting to be engaged any time soon. The reason: we know there are other things that take precedence, like finishing school, finding a place to live, etc. Please look at these things when you ask why you aren't engaged yet; lots of men don't want to go there until these things are figured out first, and I think we should take some cues from that.

    2) Definitely have a conversation with your BF about your timeline and see what you both think is reasonable. Until my BF and I had a conversation, I had no idea how long he wanted to wait, and it initially surprised me. But understanding his logic was extremely helpful and comforting, and it allowed me to get back to my day-to-day life without constantly anticipating a ring when we have other goals to reach first. You may be surprised by something your BF says, but give him the opportunity to say it and reach a conclusion together.

    3) Just remember to take care of your relationship and yourself right now. Go back to school and get the pre-reqs out of the way; don't put your life on hold because you think you'll be planning a wedding soon. Doesn't mean it won't happen, but there is so much more to life and your relationship than this. :)

    ETA: Yikes, apologies for that epic run-on sentence. Hopefully some meaningful points were made that came across in there.
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