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Guest dilemma

JAS1990JAS1990 member
Third Anniversary First Comment
in Wedding Woes
So my FH and I were discussing guest list. I would like to invite my best friend, who is gay, who happened to be a boyfriend for about a month quite a few years ago. He is in a committed relationship and has been with his partner for over 2 years now. We all hang out frequently and I know my FH isn't a fan of my friend's boyfriend, but he seems to get a long with my friend. He is inviting at least one ex-girlfriend that I am aware of. I have no issues with this since I know that this was YEARS ago and they have remained friends (similar to me and my friend) but he has issues with my friend and his boyfriend being invited.

He's pretty much flat out told me I can't invite them, which I think is a load of crap since this guy is my best friend. He is inviting at least one ex-girlfriend and I don't have a problem with it, and I'm just not sure what to do. 

Help!
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Re: Guest dilemma

  • SBminiSBmini member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Did you ask him why he can't come? It sounds like there is something deeper here. I would seriously be reconsidering my choice in mate if he forbid my best friend from the wedding. That's just not right.

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  • kerbohlkerbohl member
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    I second that.  Ask him why he is so against this, and point out to him that this is your best friend and you want him to be there at your wedding, and not having him there will be very disappointing to you.  Maybe if he sees how much it would mean to you, he will be less hostile?

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  • WzzWzz member
    2500 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    ditto the others. ask why he is against them coming.
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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Decide if you're alright with marrying a homophobe and go from there.  I mean that seriously, I've seen this exact situation happen to at least 3 friends that I can think of, where a gay BFF was either dumped from the wedding party or not invited as a guest b/c either bride or groom was a homophobe.  It will continue after the wedding too, so just be prepared to not have this man as your BFF anymore if you decide to not invite him.  
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  • NerdyLucyNerdyLucy member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    JAS1990 said:

     
    which I think is a load of crap since this guy is my best friend. He is inviting at least one ex-girlfriend and I don't have a problem with it,

     

    Have you said this to your FI?  Does he get why you think it's unfair that you can't invite your best friend?

     

    ...and like everyone else has already asked, has your FI given a reason?

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  • ReturnOfKuusReturnOfKuus member
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    I think you should hold off on marrying this guy.
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  • JAS1990JAS1990 member
    Third Anniversary First Comment
    He isn't a homophobe, he has gay friends himself and we hang out with my friends all the time, and they get along fine. He doesn't like my friend's boyfriend but that's just because of personality clashes.
    He volunteers with me for PFLAG (parents friends and family of lesbians and gays) and is very supportive of my transgender brother. He is not a homophobe.

    I think it has to do with the fact that my friend and I are as close as we are. I still have to ask (I haven't really seen him since that conversation due to work and conflicting schedules)
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  • VarunaTTVarunaTT member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    If he's not homophobic, he needs to be offering up something else (which I'm glad he's not).  

    I can't imagine any reason that your groom would say no to your BFF.  Hasn't this man been your BFF all along?  Has he had issues with that all along? If you don't invite your BFF to your wedding, I can pretty much guarantee that there's going to be a break in the relationship.  If he's really that level of insecure, I'd hesitate greatly before marrying him w/out some counseling.
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  • jarednmeganjarednmegan member
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    Two words come to mind:

    Double. Standard.
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  • SBminiSBmini member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    jarednmegan said:
    Two words come to mind:

    Double. Standard.
    Plus one other: insecurity 
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  • JAS1990JAS1990 member
    Third Anniversary First Comment
    Thanks every one for the advice--apparently one of his friend's (who is invited) is dating someone who used to date my friend's boyfriend..and it didn't end well. I didn't know that. We talked about it and he realizes how important it is for me to have my friend and his boyfriend there. I think that they will be able to manage to get through the evening with civility.

    Cross your fingers.

    And thanks again.
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  • stampadhesivestampadhesive member
    10 Comments 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    I'd invite him and not tell the FI.  You FI probably won't even notice on the wedding day.  If he does, too late.
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