non-guest being nosy

hheartsc22 · June 2013

Anyone else have issues with non-guest/acquaintances bombarding you with really specific questions about wedding details? how do you sidestep annoyingly nosy wedding questions when you don't want to share every detail with the world?

bethsmiles · June 2013

Just keep changing the subject every time they bring it up. They will get the point eventually.

zsazsa-stl · June 2013

Always answer with "your mom."

SBmini · June 2013

Do they know they aren't invited or are they hinting that they'd want to be invited?

hheartsc22 · June 2013

Some might but I make it pretty clear we are having a small wedding and Don't give out date and time. I'll say Something like we are panning a small fall wedding or something like that.

misssunshine17 · June 2013

Just change the subject. Many people genuinely like weddings/are interested, so I think it's a little irrational to get so up in arms about it, like your OP sounds.

hmonkey · June 2013

i swear, planning a fake juggalo wedding solves so many problems.

SBmini · June 2013

misssunshine17 said:

Just change the subject. Many people genuinely like weddings/are interested, so I think it's a little irrational to get so up in arms about it, like your OP sounds.

Why wouldn't you just be honest? Avoiding the situation won't solve anything.

VarunaTT · June 2013

B/c SB, sometimes in life if you change the subject, you can keep from hurting someone's feelings and keep a relationship going well. Honestly isn't always the best policy once you're over the age of say, 28.

hmonkey · June 2013

honesty isn't the same thing as saying everything that goes through your mind.

SBmini · June 2013

VarunaTT said:

B/c SB, sometimes in life if you change the subject, you can keep from hurting someone's feelings and keep a relationship going well. Honestly isn't always the best policy once you're over the age of say, 28.

I think deception is far more hurtful than truth. I would be far more offended if I was lead to believe I was invited to something and then the invitation never came than if someone was truthful and told me that they had to keep guest count down.

hmonkey · June 2013

it's not deception; it's deflection.

the deception is in the guest's mind, in the assumption they would be invited.

VarunaTT · June 2013

OP didn't state that person was peppering w/suggestions of invitation, just wedding details. There was just a wedding here at work, I asked about planning and vendors and gave suggestions after she discovered I'd done quite a bit of party planning in town. I never expected an invite and didn't get one. I still liked talking to her about her wedding.

Also, if you deflect often enough, a mature intelligent person should pick up on what's going on and STFU.

mrsconn23 · June 2013

Deception = "Oh yeah, you'll be getting an invite soon!" and never sending one.
Deflection = "Wedding is coming along fine. Now did you see the season finale of "Game of Thrones"?!"

SBmini · June 2013

I guess I'm in the minority here, but I like setting reasonable expectations opposed to having a cloud hanging over every time someone starts talking about a topic. I happen to think it is less stressful for all involved to have certainty. Then you can talk wedding details all you want without wondering if the person thinks they are invited. If it is uncomfortable enough to make a thread about it, then I feel it is uncomfortable enough to politely let the person know they aren't invited.

hmonkey · June 2013

a reasonable expectation is not assuming you are invited until the invitation is actually in your hands.

a polite way to let someone know they are not invited is when they ask, not to just freak out and be all

SBmini · June 2013

hmonkey said:

a reasonable expectation is not assuming you are invited until the invitation is actually in your hands.

a polite way to let someone know they are not invited is when they ask, not to just freak out and be all

There you go again, expecting people to be reasonable. If there is anything I have learned in life, it is that very few people are actually reasonable

VarunaTT · June 2013

Again, you're making the assumption that this person is asking about the wedding to be invited. I ask about weddings all the time, mainly b/c I like weddings, I like the details and I like to see if I can get stories for the board. I'm not looking to be a guest..well, almost never now.

It would be astoundingly rude for you to tell someone, "Well you're not invited, but if you really want to know about my flowers....".

hheartsc22 · June 2013

I'm not up in arms sorry if it came off that way. I just found it odd that they were asking such specific questions. I have nicely expressed that we are keeping it small only only inviting close family and such. They are friendly but not friends so they would not have a reason to expect an invite.
Sounds like the best approach is to come up with better subject changers and keep being super polite in the process.
Thanks!

SBmini · June 2013

VarunaTT said:

Again, you're making the assumption that this person is asking about the wedding to be invited. I ask about weddings all the time, mainly b/c I like weddings, I like the details and I like to see if I can get stories for the board. I'm not looking to be a guest..well, almost never now.
It would be astoundingly rude for you to tell someone, "Well you're not invited, but if you really want to know about my flowers....".

Yep, I assumed that the concern was that people were asking because they were hinting that they wanted to go or thought they were invited.

kmj500 · June 2013

I had a distant cousin send me a Facebook message asking when I was sending out invites...my wedding is next June. Not only did I not plan on inviting them, when I told them we were on a budget and couldn't invite everyone we hoped to, they responded by saying they will need a plus one and that they would pay for themselves (not even the point!). I just found it rude and unnecesary, so I didn't say anything back. We're not close and they live far away so I don't feel bad if they're hurt when they don't get an invite. Harsh, but when you aren't getting it, there isn't much more to do to get my point across.

VarunaTT · June 2013

KMJ, you handled it correctly and they are the rude ones.

hheartsc22 · June 2013

Some good suggestions thanks

hheartsc22 · June 2013

The chage of subject worked really well for me. Thanks:)

non-guest being nosy

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