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Wedding Etiquette Forum

Engagement Party

I'm almost positive this is a silly question.

I'm very recently engaged, and my parents would like to throw FI and I an engagement party.  I've accepted their generous offer, but under the condition that it be small and low-key and that we invite immediate family only (parents, siblings, grandparents, aunt/uncles, cousins).  Immediate family for us is still a lot of people and FI and I really don't want a big thing.  My mother, however, seems insistent that we need to invite the bridal party, who will be mainly friends.  We haven't chosen our bridal party and don't plan to until we're a year or less out, which won't be for a few months after the party, and since mine and FI's family/friends are from opposite sides of the country I'm sure all or most of his BP wouldn't be able to make it and I'd feel really guilty about having all of my bridesmaids there while FI has no one.

Is it rude not to invite the bridal party to a family only engagement party (and I use party loosely--it will probably just be a dinner) if they haven't been chosen yet?  I know it's a little odd that they'll be in the wedding but not at the e-party, but is this actually a breach of etiquette?
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Re: Engagement Party

  • No! You can celebrate with whomever you chose. THey'll all be invited to showers, bach parties, etc.
  • I don't think it is rude, since unless you have asked them and they've accepted, you don't have a bridal party yet.  As long as everyone that is invited to the party will also be invited to the wedding, etiquette wise, I think you are in the clear. 
  • edited June 2013
    If you don't have a bridal party chosen, it's not rude to not invite...people who don't exist yet (within that title). 

    If mom pressures you, just keep repeating "We haven't picked a bridal party yet" and then change the subject.
  • Thanks, ladies!  That's what I thought, but I wanted to be sure since this is all very new to me (although I'll admit I've been lurking here for a while!).  My mother isn't hard to reason with, I just wanted to make sure I was in the right before I insisted!
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  • You can invite whoever you want. I think an E party is a time for the families to meet and get to know each other. I did also give my mom names of a few close friends to invite but we are also keeping it mostly family. We also know who we would like in our WP but won't ask anyone until it gets closer. If you do want them there you could just invite them and they would be there as your close friends and not your bridal party as you haven't officially selected your WP yet and if you don't want them there that's fine also.

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  • My mom insisted on throwing us an engagement party, and actually said we didn't have to invite FH's family if we didn't want to because she knows his relationship with his parents (and their relationship with each other) is...tense.  In the end, the party was mostly close friends, who also happened to make up most of the bridal party, but also just people who had been involved with our relationship since the beginning.

    If your mom is giving you carte-blanche, invite whomever you want, as long as you'll also be inviting them to the wedding. 
  • I don't see how you can invite anyone whose identities you don't know to any kind of party.  I'd just tell your mother that your wedding party members have not been chosen yet, so it isn't possible to invite anyone in the capacity of wedding party member, and keep the guest list as you have it.
  • Another vote for it being OK if you haven't asked anyone yet. Stick to the canned communication, "We haven't selected the wedding party yet." No one is going to feel slighted if you haven't even asked them. I'd just ask them after the engagement party. If you want to invite them as friends - not BMs/GsM - that's fine. 
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