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Choosing MOH

cmcole4509cmcole4509 member
10 Comments First Anniversary 5 Love Its
in Wedding Party
So I wanted to ask you all for some advice... Your MOH is supposed to be your best friend, someone who has been with you through thick and thin. Well I want my best friend since middle school to be my MOH. Even though we have lived states apart (I'm originally from MD and moved to KY to go to school and am now living here officially) for five years, we still are best friends. Here is my dilemma... my father thinks I need to talk to my older sister about it, because he thinks her feelings would be hurt if I didn't at least talk to her. I do completely agree that I need to talk to her about it, but I'm not quite sure what I should say. My sister is DEFINITELY going to be one of my bridesmaids, but we aren't close enough for me to want her as my MOH over my friend. If my friend wasn't going to be it then I would ask my sister. My sister knows my friend and likes her, and she knows how close we are, but I'm not sure how to talk to my sister about the situation. I do not see my sister completely flipping out and causing a huge drama over it, because she's not a very dramatic person. (Side-note: my sister lives in MN, so both of them are about 12-14 hours away from me.) I am way closer to my friend than my sister, so to me it makes more sense to have my friend as my MOH. Does anyone have any suggestions as to how to talk to my sister about it? I just want to be as tactful as possible. 
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Re: Choosing MOH

  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Your dad is wrong about talking to your sister.
    If she says something to You, then maybe say something, but there is no reason to initiate a conversation.
    You could always have two MOHs, but in the end it's up to you and you don't owe anyone any explanations.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I don't think you need to talk to your sister at all. Your father does not choose your MOH. YOU, and you alone, do that. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Jessa617 Jessa617 member
    1000 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    It sounds like you really want your friend to be your MOH. You should ask her. Your father has no say in who you choose. Ask your sister to be a bridesmaid. If she's anything like what mentioned, then I don't see her causing a stink. It may hurt more to call her and tell her why she is NOT going to be a MOH. It's better to just ask what you DO want her to be.
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  • cmcole4509cmcole4509 member
    10 Comments First Anniversary 5 Love Its
    Ok. Thank you all for your help.
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  • harper0813harper0813 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    You choose your MOH (and all of your BMs at that). Your father is wrong - do not talk to her sister, as the conversation could either hurt her feelings OR give her the wrong impression (that you want her to be your MOH).

    Your call. Don't let anyone guilt you into anything that doesn't feel right.
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  • KempKristoff_23075812KempKristoff_23075812 member
    Second Anniversary First Comment
    You could also just have no MOH. My fiance has two brothers and din't want to select just one to be Best Man, and I have a similar situation with a close best friend and a more distant sister. Everyone will be either a bridesmaid or a groomsman. We're just going to ask them individually for any "special" responsibilities (AKA I'm asking my best friend to toast at the wedding and my sister is already obsessed with planning a bachelorette party). 
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  • KempKristoff_23075812KempKristoff_23075812 member
    Second Anniversary First Comment
    Sorry RetreadBride, I will be doing that. I understand the place for "general etiquette rules" but in a real relationship with a best friend these things come up in conversations and a real relationship with a best friend means she does think we are good people who will have a nice future. Having a maid of honor is tantamount to telling them to give a toast and since I'm not having a maid of honor I'm absolutely fine with "breaking the rules."
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