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Chinese Weddings

FIL decides to throw second reception

Background: I am a born and raised white American girl. My fiance is Chinese-American with two chinese parents.

Current Wedding Plans: Almost two years away. Rehersal "dim sum" breakfast Friday, Saturday morning a wedding at 8am-ish breakfast reception afterwords, leave that day or the next for the honeymoon.

Cultures: I have stated that I am happy to encorporate traditions of both cultures ("east meets west") into the wedding (wearing red at the reception, having a red silk instead of a guest book, puting the double happiness sign on everything...)

The surprise: MIL informed me that FIL will be holding a banquet (second reception) the night of the day we get married (not asked, informed). I apparently do not have to do anything accept show up because he is planning this and putting it together.

I am focusing on looking at this as a lovely gift, but I wanted to know if there was any imput from other brides who might have a better idea of what this means? I still feel a little weird about having this told to me.

Feel free to send your thoughts!

Re: FIL decides to throw second reception

  • edited December 2011
    I wouldn't be too concerned. It sounds like they want to have a party in honor of your marriage with their family and friends who are probably very chinese (in that they are used to the traditional chinese reception with the 10 course meal etc).
  • will47will47 member
    10 Comments
    edited December 2011
    I agree. In addition, if your in-laws aren't planning or contributing financially to the reception, perhaps he feels like they should host something as part of the wedding festivities. Anyway, just show up and enjoy it, and be glad you don't have to help plan!

    Sounds like your wedding will be pretty early in the day, but If they're traditional, you could consider doing the tea ceremony with them the day before (before noon) if you're not already doing one.
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  • edited December 2011
    For Chinese weddings, the dinner banquet is THE big deal. It's not a wedding without a banquet reception.

    It sounds like they didn't want to intrude on your plans (early morning wedding, breakfast reception for your guests) but they wanted to have the Chinese wedding so they went ahead and started planning it themselves. There may be other guests that they wanted to invite that didn't get invited to the breakfast reception - their colleagues, other relatives etc. Perhaps they need to save face to relatives and colleagues.

    It's hard to tell from your post what their intentions are... whether they just didn't want to intrude, or they're actually being manipulative. If you're worried that this will set a bad precedent in the future that they can just go and make decisions for the two of you, I'd have your FI talk to them.

    It sucks that they just did it without consulting with you, but it's nice that you're taking the attitude of treating it like a gift. Don't worry too much about the planning; it most likely just involves them finding a restaurant, picking a menu (which is pretty standard) and inviting guests. And hey, you'll probably get lots of cash gifts!
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  • jamiewong09jamiewong09 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    My dad did the same thing.  The wedding we were planning had a limited guest list and my parents wanted to invite EVERYONE to the wedding.  Since the reception I was planning was a "Western" style reception, they decided to host a "Chinese" reception, with all the traditional chinese wedding foods, the next day.  All I have to do was show up and look pretty!

    everyone wins! my parents get their chinese reception, i get my western reception, they get to invite all of their friends, i get to have all of my friends.  they pay for their party, i pay for mine :)
  • edited December 2011
    They you all for your ideas, it seems to make more sense now. We will see what happens as time goes on. If anyone else has ideas please let me know!!

    -aa
  • edited December 2011
    One thing to add. You may be expected to wear a traditional Chinese red dress and/or change into several different dresses (think evening gowns). That's one thing you should probably ask :)
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  • I realize this reply is a little late, but I wanted to chime in, too.

    ABC bride-to-be here (American Born Chinese) marrying a Caucasian groom. We're doing a Western style wedding first in SoCal, and about a month later, flying up to Northern CA for the traditional Chinese wedding banquet. It's two-fold: many of the people my parents would like to be at the actual wedding are too far (300+ miles) so this way, they get to attend and celebrate. And also, it really doesn't seem like a marriage w/out the classic banquet. 

    I hope frebergwong, that it was arranged w/out your knowledge out of not wanting to add further stressors, and as someone from the outside looking in, it seems really generous and very kind. (These Chinese banquets are usually super pricey, too!)
  • MIL informed me we are having a reception for his family before our big day... Informed not asked. They are planning it all so I don't know what to say.
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