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Wedding Gift Etiquette

loca4pookloca4pook member
1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
edited June 2013 in Wedding Etiquette Forum

1)Do you send thank you cards to people who came but gave no gift or card?

 

2) I had a guest write to Mr. and Mrs. WRONG FIRST NAME OF MY GROOM last name. Do I try to cash it knowing the first name is wrong and hope for the best, or do I point it out to the gift giver and hope for them to replace it?

 

3) I had a friend (Made up name= Jackie) who originally was going to bring an "acquiantance" (Melissa) of ours as her guest. (I really like Melissa, but have really only met a few times so felt weird to invite her on her own).  I never expected the Melissa to give a gift, just let her be a guest to Jackie. At the last minute, Melissa could not attend. HOWEVER, the card /gift Jackie gave me was signed Jackie and Melissa. I am now left wondering if they chipped in on a gift, or she simply signed Melissa's name to the card as a courtesy since she thought she was bringing her as her date". Do I send the Melissa a thank you card, or just ask Jackie if Melissa actually pitched in on the gift to see if I should send Melissa a card?? Keep in mind, Melissa never actually came to wedding so I can't just write a generic "thanks for attending" kinda card, either

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Re: Wedding Gift Etiquette

  • HisGirlFriday13HisGirlFriday13 member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    1. No; your reception is your thank-you to your guests.

    2. Try depositing it; that might work better than straight-up cashing it.

    3. Write one thank-you note, to Jackie, and mention Melissa in it. Either Jackie will share the note with Melissa or she won't, but one gift = one thank-you note.

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    I'm gonna go with 'not my circus, not my monkeys.'
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  • hlvonbhlvonb member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    1. The reception is the thank you and so is/ was your walking around and mingling with the guests,
    2. I would try depositing the check - not cashing. Then go from there. I think as long as your name is right on it then it should not matter.
    3. I would put Melissa's name on the thank you to Jackie as well or mention her. Either would be fine. Asking if she pitched in on the gift could be taken in a way you never intended it - especially if Jackie mentioned to Melissa when casually talking or something. (Hey, bride, asked if you pitched in on the gift / card).
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  • mlg78mlg78 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers

    1) No.

    2) Deposit it.

    3) Just thank Jackie. My bff is eternally single and I've attended weddings as her +1 and she's always thrown my name onto the gift but I've never contributed. Some of the brides have sent thank you cards back with my name, others haven't.

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  • Kate61487Kate61487 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    lemclane said:
    1. No; your reception is your thank-you to your guests. 2. Try depositing it; that might work better than straight-up cashing it. 3. Write one thank-you note, to Jackie, and mention Melissa in it. Either Jackie will share the note with Melissa or she won't, but one gift = one thank-you note.

    The bolded is not true.  If Aunt Jackie and Aunt Melissa went in on one gift together and do not live together you should write two thank yous.  However, since Melissa was Jackie's guest and not a separate invited guest I agree that one thank you note to both, sent to Jackie's address is probably fine. 

    I was really tempted to say what Lia did - that it should be two thank yous, but then I thought about the fact that when I'm sending notes to couple-friends who don't live together I just send one and they were together on one invite for the wedding so I think it would be okay to combine.

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  • jenn5628jenn5628 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
    I agree with Kate that one gift =/= one thank you note.  I have never been in this situation, but I can imagine a situation where I would add someone's name to a card that wasn't part of the giving.  Especially since she didn't go to the wedding (ie Jackie just wanted to include her because she was a guest too), I would think that her name on the card, means that she had a part in the gift.  

    I got a few group gifts at my shower, with multiple names on the cards, because they had all contributed. So, of course everyone got their own thank you.  I would send her her own thank you.  I would be far more embarrassed to find out that Melissa was wondering why she didn't get anything because Jackie did, than for Melissa to think 'oops, I guess because my name was on the card, she thought I contributed to the gift'.  

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  • Maddie1115Maddie1115 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    As for 2., I worked in banking for a number of years and your best option is to tell the banker or teller about the mistake in names. At the bank I worked at it was pretty common with newlyweds. We would have them sign the back the way it was written followed by the correct way. Hope this helps.
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