BYOF: Labeling?

piercek613 · April 2013

We are doing a pot-luck style reception instead of paying for catering due to a tight budget, and I have an idea for everyone to write what they brought and their phone number on a guestbook on the buffet table. My question is, due to rampant food allergies in my family (shellfish for me, my dad has several food allergies and so do many other guests), would it be too much to ask to have the guests label their food if it has (common!) potential allergens (ie nuts, shellfish)? I had a bad experience once with going to a potluck and none of the food was labeled, no one knew who brought what and I ate some mac & cheese that had lobster in it. I'm not asking for everyone to label everything, just those that bring common allergens so we don't have an adverse reaction that ends in hospitalization. Would this be asking too much or would it be worth it to save a lot of grief and accidents?

jessicabessica · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_food-cakes_byof-labeling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:23Discussion:4c6cba3e-cd89-4e48-88fd-14293dd201dfPost:0da1a55f-94e3-49be-9979-aea9a6b76847">BYOF: Labeling?</a>:
[QUOTE]We are doing a pot-luck style reception instead of paying for catering due to a tight budget, and I have an idea for everyone to write what they brought and their phone number on a guestbook on the buffet table. My question is, due to rampant food allergies in my family (shellfish for me, my dad has several food allergies and so do many other guests), would it be too much to ask to have the guests label their food if it has (common!) potential allergens (ie nuts, shellfish)? I had a bad experience once with going to a potluck and none of the food was labeled, no one knew who brought what and I ate some mac & cheese that had lobster in it. I'm not asking for everyone to label everything, just those that bring common allergens so we don't have an adverse reaction that ends in hospitalization. Would this be asking too much or would it be worth it to save a lot of grief and accidents?
Posted by piercek613[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Your reception is to thank your guests for coming to your wedding. You should be hosting them and not asking them to bring food. I would look into catering options, and you can also think about getting trays of food from a restaurant or a stores like Costco, which will be cheaper than a full caterer. You can also have cake and punch at a non-meal time. </div><div>
</div><div>A potluck where people have a lot of allergies sounds like a disaster to begin with. You also would need to worry about food safety, keeping everything the right temperature.

</div>

piercek613 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_food-cakes_byof-labeling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:23Discussion:4c6cba3e-cd89-4e48-88fd-14293dd201dfPost:da3b8cb0-4c53-4693-aca0-8fdafd099480">Re: BYOF: Labeling?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to BYOF: Labeling? : Your reception is to thank your guests for coming to your wedding. You should be hosting them and not asking them to bring food. I would look into catering options, and you can also think about getting trays of food from a restaurant or a stores like Costco, which will be cheaper than a full caterer. You can also have cake and punch at a non-meal time. A potluck where people have a lot of allergies sounds like a disaster to begin with. You also would need to worry about food safety, keeping everything the right temperature.
Posted by jessicabessica[/QUOTE]

The problem is, catering is simply not an option, and we're only having 50-80 people to begin with. What's a Costco? I've never heard of it. (We live in Northern Michigan- not much up here) The only other option we have is to have my family do all the cooking, and bring it ourselves, but again we run into the food allergy problem. Should we just not have any food at all? Most caterers around here require at least 100 guests (I don't even know that many people) and start off at over $1500 for the cheapest ones. We only have a few hundred to work with.

jessicabessica · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_food-cakes_byof-labeling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:23Discussion:4c6cba3e-cd89-4e48-88fd-14293dd201dfPost:78e4ec4d-ce94-4d88-9a60-e6f7fd5cf824">Re: BYOF: Labeling?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: BYOF: Labeling? : The problem is, catering is simply not an option, and we're only having 50-80 people to begin with. What's a Costco? I've never heard of it. (We live in Northern Michigan- not much up here) The only other option we have is to have my family do all the cooking, and bring it ourselves, but again we run into the food allergy problem. Should we just not have any food at all? Most caterers around here require at least 100 guests (I don't even know that many people) and start off at over $1500 for the cheapest ones. We only have a few hundred to work with.
Posted by piercek613[/QUOTE]

<div>Costco is a membership warehouse club, like Sam's or BJ's. You can typically get platters of sandwiches (or cold cuts and rolls or other food) from any grocery store, though. Have you tried posting on your local board (to the left) to see if anyone can recommend a caterer or restaurant that might be within budget? </div><div>
</div><div>You need to have some kind of food, but if it's not at a meal time--I would say 2 pm or after 8 pm--you can just serve cake and drinks, and you could put out some fruit and veggie trays for people that don't do sweet. </div>

AddieCake · April 2013

Yeah, I would switch this to a cake and punch/cheese and cracker/veggie platter reception if you can't get any kind of catering. You could also probably easily find a place to do sandwiches for fairly cheap. Don't ask people to provide the food at the party you are hosting for them.

lyndausvi · April 2013

seems like a nightmare if you have allergies.

I also do not understand the concept of "we want to save money, so we will just make our guests spend their money and time instead"? Just because you are not spending the money, money for the food is still being spent. Way to just defer the costs to other people.

If you really can't afford to feed you guests just have a simple cake and punch reception. Worse case buy the ingredients so your close family/friends who offer can HELP you cook. At least in that case you will know you or other guests will not die from an allergy.

STARMOON44 · April 2013

If you don't have Costco, most supermarkets do catering too. Try calling the deli counter and asking the price to have sandwiches, salads, and cake for 75 delivered. But no potluck. No.

winelover123 · April 2013

I have horrid food allergies. Pot lucks are almost always a nightmare for me as finding the person who made the dish is almost impossible when there's a decent sized crowd (50 - 80 guests is a big crowd). Do you really want to take the chance of a guest dying because they couldn't find the person who made a dish or someone else told them that it's safe?

Look into getting a restaurant to cater (typically much cheaper, especially if you go with Italian or Mexican) or get some sandwich platters and keep the ingredients handy. Then, someone with an allergy can find the caterer or a server and ask questions or can ask to see the ingredients themselves.

So, not only is it absolutely rude to ask guests to cater a party that thanks them, you also run into the problems of 10 people bringing pasta salad, keeping the food at the appropriate temperature, getting the correct dishes back to their owners, clearing the tables, etc. Seriously, get some sandwich platters that are free of the common allergies and call it a day.

JoanE2012 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_food-cakes_byof-labeling?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:23Discussion:4c6cba3e-cd89-4e48-88fd-14293dd201dfPost:0da1a55f-94e3-49be-9979-aea9a6b76847">BYOF: Labeling?</a>:
[QUOTE]We are doing a pot-luck style reception instead of paying for catering due to a tight budget, and I have an idea for everyone to write what they brought and their phone number on a guestbook on the buffet table. My question is, due to rampant food allergies in my family (shellfish for me, my dad has several food allergies and so do many other guests), would it be too much to ask to have the guests label their food if it has (common!) potential allergens (ie nuts, shellfish)? I had a bad experience once with going to a potluck and none of the food was labeled, no one knew who brought what and I ate some mac & cheese that had lobster in it. I'm not asking for everyone to label everything, just those that bring common allergens so we don't have an adverse reaction that ends in hospitalization. Would this be asking too much or would it be worth it to save a lot of grief and accidents?
Posted by piercek613[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Asking people to bring food to an event YOU are hosting is incredibly rude! If you cannot afford to host a full meal, have your wedding at a non-meal time and have just have cake and punch afterwards.</div><div>
</div><div>Or, you can get married at the courthouse and forego all the other expenses that come with a wedding.</div><div>
</div><div>Many people save up for years to be able to afford a wedding. Not being able to afford it is a piss poor excuse for treating guests so horribly.

</div>

NOLAbridealmost · April 2013

Frankly if you move forward with this plan you deserve a big bite of something you're allergic to. It's bad enough doing a potluck wedding in general, but beggars can't be choosers....requesting that people identify allergens, etc. is just ridiculous. Hire a caterer, cater it yourself, or switch to non-meal time and do cake and punch only.

QueerFemme · April 2013

Your plan is rude. Buy some frozen lasagnas and serve that with bread and salad.

hyechica81 · April 2013

you can get a lot of food from say like a wholesale club or even a grocery store. you and your mom dad siblings and whip up a few large bowl of salad keep the salad ingrediance simple keep a few bottles of dressing on the table italian and then maybe 2 other kinds like cesar or blue cheese, get a fruit platter, veggie and cheese. and some sandwiches.

serve cake and punch and coffee

if you want beer and wine at your reception call local liqour stores in your area and find out if you can get the stuff on commison get a keg of beer or 2 kegs and some bottles of red and white wine. if you can get them on commission whatever is not used ( unopened you can get money back for it.

my mom and dad did all the buying and cooking for my brothers stag party in october. they had 2 huge mega long grinders brought in from a l ocal italian market they fed about 20 people they also had pasta, pizza and got fully cooked roster chickens from sams club that my dad cut into 4ths they spent less than $500 on food supplies and such

Sue-n-Kevin · April 2013

I'm sure you didn't expect this type of reaction. But, asking your guests to bring food, even if it's socially acceptable in your area of Michigan is frowned upon amongst most brides.

If money is an issue, you can do as others have recommended and change the time of your reception to a non-meal time and serve desserts and punch or a few finger foods or deli trays.

Another option is Gordon Food Service, which has a store in Sault Sainte Marie. Go to gfs.com and look into that. They have very large frozen trays of things like lasagne, pasta dishes, meats, meatballs, etc. You should be able to get enough food for the size of guest list you mentioned for less than $500.

HOWEVER, in addition to the cost of the foods you have to consider the methods to keep them warm or cold. Whether your guests brought the food, or you supply it, you have to have warmers to keep the warm foods warm, ice chests or refrigeration to keep the cold dishes cold, or you risk your guests getting food poisoning.

Just make sure you can do the above, or consider a non-meal time reception.

Good luck.

[Deleted User] · April 2013

In Response to Re:BYOF: Labeling?:
[QUOTE]Have ceremony at 2pm or 8pm. Buy sheet cakes. Serve with tea, lemonade, and water. Boom! Reception that doesn't cost your guests any money or result in any ambulance rides for under 300 dollars.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]
I agree with this! We have food allergies but most are easy to work around because we just know what to eat and what to avoid. If you did food yourself you would need to find out what the allergens are and go from there. However, I will say we just avoid foods if we know it might be a problem OR we eat a head of time. I wouldn't do a potluck persay, but if you have people willing to help provide food I see nothing wrong with that (I know many who do it as a gift to the bride and groom) so that doesn't bother me. I am not a convential bride. but will say I also agree that your priorities should be food first, alcohol second. If you MUST have alcohol (which is expensive mind you) than I would do the cake and punch. Also you can do just trays if you want (meat veggies, sandwhiches, cheese stuff like that). I would check into restuarants and NOT plain catering companies. We are estimating 75 people roughly and I found one of my favorite resturants cater now cost for food was only 525 (genghis grill) There are more places too, mexican resturants tend to be super cheap and BBQ is like 10 a person at a lot of them. I would just look around, think outside the box.

AmyS2645 · June 2013

@piercek613, I don't think that your plan is rude at all. If people are willing to bring food, then that's great! I have two friends getting married this summer that are both doing a potluck style reception. They are providing the drinks, a main entree and desserts (cupcakes at both, I think). Here's what I would do if you want to go forward with the potluck...

1. Organize the potluck. If you have people bringing food, let them choose what to bring, but know who is bringing something in a particular category (appetizers, side dishes, drinks, etc.)

2. Once someone does know what they are bringing, ask them if they would mind sharing the recipe with you. That way, you know everything in the dish, and you can make the signs (!!!) for the food allergy notification! It takes the stress away from them, and it allows you to know what to watch out for.

3. Ensure that you provide something as well! It sounds simple, but the hardest thing about a potluck is that you don't know who is going to flake out last second or who is going to get sick and not attend. You should provide some staples to the menu so if only a few people show up with food, you still have something for everyone to eat.

Jen4948 · June 2013

AmyS2645 said:

@piercek613, I don't think that your plan is rude at all. If people are willing to bring food, then that's great! I have two friends getting married this summer that are both doing a potluck style reception. They are providing the drinks, a main entree and desserts (cupcakes at both, I think). Here's what I would do if you want to go forward with the potluck...
1. Organize the potluck. If you have people bringing food, let them choose what to bring, but know who is bringing something in a particular category (appetizers, side dishes, drinks, etc.)
2. Once someone does know what they are bringing, ask them if they would mind sharing the recipe with you. That way, you know everything in the dish, and you can make the signs (!!!) for the food allergy notification! It takes the stress away from them, and it allows you to know what to watch out for.
3. Ensure that you provide something as well! It sounds simple, but the hardest thing about a potluck is that you don't know who is going to flake out last second or who is going to get sick and not attend. You should provide some staples to the menu so if only a few people show up with food, you still have something for everyone to eat.

Did you read any of the above posts? Potlucks are not appropriate for weddings. Period. The couple/hosts are responsible for *hosting,* meaning they provide the food-not the guests.

And how the hell are out-of-town guests supposed to provide anything for a potluck? Most hotels do not have cooking or storage facilities appropriate for a potluck-size dish. Nor can they bring it with them on planes.

JoanE2012 · June 2013

AmyS2645 said:

@piercek613, I don't think that your plan is rude at all. If people are willing to bring food, then that's great! I have two friends getting married this summer that are both doing a potluck style reception. They are providing the drinks, a main entree and desserts (cupcakes at both, I think). Here's what I would do if you want to go forward with the potluck...
1. Organize the potluck. If you have people bringing food, let them choose what to bring, but know who is bringing something in a particular category (appetizers, side dishes, drinks, etc.)
2. Once someone does know what they are bringing, ask them if they would mind sharing the recipe with you. That way, you know everything in the dish, and you can make the signs (!!!) for the food allergy notification! It takes the stress away from them, and it allows you to know what to watch out for.
3. Ensure that you provide something as well! It sounds simple, but the hardest thing about a potluck is that you don't know who is going to flake out last second or who is going to get sick and not attend. You should provide some staples to the menu so if only a few people show up with food, you still have something for everyone to eat.

This is awful advice. It is very rude to ask people to bring food to a reception. That's because a reception is supposed to be your way of thanking your guests for coming. Do you always thank people by asking them to bring something?

ElcaB · June 2013

By now, you've probably realized that potluck receptions are not very popular on here.

If a potluck-style reception is a definite for you, my opinion won't change your mind, but I would like to offer a few suggestions:

If you are asking guests to bring a dish, ask them to bring a dish in lieu of gifts.
For a potluck-style reception, at least provide a main dish.
Print off labels for people to just write on with they get there for their dishes. You can't ask for anything more than that - allergic reactions are something you risk when doing a potluck.

Good luck!

JoanE2012 · June 2013

ClaireyBee said:

By now, you've probably realized that potluck receptions are not very popular on here.

If a potluck-style reception is a definite for you, my opinion won't change your mind, but I would like to offer a few suggestions:
If you are asking guests to bring a dish, ask them to bring a dish in lieu of gifts.
For a potluck-style reception, at least provide a main dish.
Print off labels for people to just write on with they get there for their dishes. You can't ask for anything more than that - allergic reactions are something you risk when doing a potluck.
Good luck!

More awful advice. OP - Please don't do this. It is rude and unsafe.

hyechica81 · June 2013

dinking should be the last thing you are worried about unless its soda punch tea water coffee.. call up all local resturants in your area go to a local sandwich shop and see if they can do sandwiches for you. bbq or mexican would work..

i hate potlucks unless i know who made it i refuse to eat it. and at a wedding people dont want to bring food its like an insult to you hey we love u we want to u spend our special day with us but oh u need to bring food because we cant afford a meal to feed you

AmyS2645 · June 2013

My advice doesn't have to be popular to be practical. It's your wedding. Do what you want.

JoanE2012 · June 2013

AmyS2645 said:

My advice doesn't have to be popular to be practical. It's your wedding. Do what you want.

Practical is no excuse for rude. When you invite guests to your wedding, it is no longer all about you. You are hosting your guests. That does not give you free reign to do what you want. If that's your attitude, elope.

NYCMercedes · June 2013

AmyS2645 said:

My advice doesn't have to be popular to be practical. It's your wedding. Do what you want.

It's not even practical. It's just stupid.

QueerFemme · June 2013

AmyS2645 said:

My advice doesn't have to be popular to be practical. It's your wedding. Do what you want.

Your advice isn't practical. It's rude, and completely NOT practical. And once you invite guests to your wedding, you can't "do what you want". You have to take your guest's comfort into consideration. If you want to "do what you want", elope.

southernbelle0915 · June 2013

AmyS2645 said:

My advice doesn't have to be popular to be practical. It's your wedding. Do what you want.

Make your wedding day special and unique, but don't be rude. A "RECEPTION" is the bride and groom RECEIVING their guests as a new married couple. The bride and groom are thanking their guests for attending the wedding. That's why potlucks are rude - you don't thank people by asking them to provide their own meal. You host them.

It's not like OP's only option is a potluck if she wants to keep the guest count at 50-80 (that's a huge range, btw). She can:

- have the wedding/reception at a non-meal time and serve cake/punch/snacks

- not serve alcohol (dry wedding)

- prepare the food herself

- cut costs in other areas to be able to afford a meal

But there are certain times when "it's YOUR day" applies (get whatever dress you want, etc.), but when you cross the line of being rude to guests, "it's YOUR day" doesn't apply.

LiLe422 · June 2013

cmgilpin said:

AmyS2645 said:

My advice doesn't have to be popular to be practical. It's your wedding. Do what you want.

Your advice isn't practical. It's rude, and completely NOT practical. And once you invite guests to your wedding, you can't "do what you want". You have to take your guest's comfort into consideration. If you want to "do what you want", elope.

This^^^ times a million.

Dreamergirl8812 · June 2013

AmyS2645 said:

@piercek613, I don't think that your plan is rude at all. If people are willing to bring food, then that's great! I have two friends getting married this summer that are both doing a potluck style reception. They are providing the drinks, a main entree and desserts (cupcakes at both, I think). Here's what I would do if you want to go forward with the potluck...
1. Organize the potluck. If you have people bringing food, let them choose what to bring, but know who is bringing something in a particular category (appetizers, side dishes, drinks, etc.)
2. Once someone does know what they are bringing, ask them if they would mind sharing the recipe with you. That way, you know everything in the dish, and you can make the signs (!!!) for the food allergy notification! It takes the stress away from them, and it allows you to know what to watch out for.
3. Ensure that you provide something as well! It sounds simple, but the hardest thing about a potluck is that you don't know who is going to flake out last second or who is going to get sick and not attend. You should provide some staples to the menu so if only a few people show up with food, you still have something for everyone to eat.

I would "get sick" and not attend this sort of wedding. You are dodging a bullet here by getting this sort of reaction from strangers on the internet and not from people you love (although they would just do it behind your back). You have an opportunity to host a really beautiful wedding.

[Deleted User] · June 2013

I agree with all of the other (reasonable) posters here. Change it to a non-meal time and just do the basics- cake, soft drinks, cheese and crackers, veggies. Won't break the bank and you'll be sure not to get anyone sick. Sounds like a fun day!

BubblyBride75 · July 2013

It sounds like your biggest concerns are money and your guests health. That's a very good place to start. I think the PPs suggestions of non-meal receptions are great. I would also like to add that I had a friend cater her own wedding. She and some of her relatives got together the day before the wedding and made tacos. It was really simple and cost them a couple hundred bucks to feed nearly 200 people. If you really want a meal at your reception it is entirely possible to come up with a meal that can be easily made early and kept at appropriate temperatures plus you will know exactly what is in each dish.

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