My wedding was a year ago and one of my best friends from grade school, "T," was my maid of honor. I could have chosen my sister in law or cousin but I went with my friend because we used to joke we would be each other's maid of honors growing up and I knew she wanted the role. Right after I asked her to be mine, she said I would be her matron of honor when she got engaged. She took the role very seriously and seemed to love being my MOH. I guess you could describe her as "enthusiastic"- She helped plan a bachelorette party and shower and would chatter about it nonstop. Looking back I think she may have just enjoyed getting attention and getting the recognition/honor from the role. While she was enthusiastic and did help organize these events, she definitely wasn't perfect and lacked the ability to stay calm or carry on a normal conversation about wedding planning with my other girls (i..e she would send out over the top emails with the overarching message that she was MOH). I brushed all the bad aside and just attributed it to her personality at the time, but now I keep thinking about how it was a bad decision and how someone else would have been a better fit for the role. A lot of this I am thinking is because I recently was not chosen as her MOH.
She got engaged a few months after my wedding. A couple months later, I get a card from her in the mail asking me to be a bridesmaid. I know people have different opinions on this, but in my opinion it was really impersonal and fake in the way that she did it. I know she doesn't owe an explanation on why I wasn't chosen as MOH, but I asked her anyway. She said she was waiting for me to ask her why and gave me a completely fake reason (I won't include it since in the odd case she reads this it would completely give who I am away). And as far as the girl she asked to be her MOH, I have heard her make fun of in the past- for example criticizing her weight. My hubby said she is shallow and he thinks she chose her strictly based on the fact she did not want someone thinner/attractive standing next to her at the alter (I hope that doesn't come across the wrong way- but "T" has always struggled with her weight a bit and I have always been thin in comparison). Also, one of my cousins recently told me it was obvious during my wedding planning that she was jealous of me. She also acted extremely jealous when I first started dating my now hubby but over time we patched that up when she started dating her future hubby. In short, I know, shame on me for choosing her as my MOH- going for the person who will do the most things for you is NOT the smart long-term move! I would rather look back on my photos and see the person standing closest to me as someone who actually is a good friend to me.
I know a lot of this just seems so petty and immature and I want to let it go but I just can't. Why should I even want to be her MOH after the way she acted throughout my wedding and when she has a jealousy streak? However, this really has been bothering me. I am annoyed that she acted like being my MOH was the most important thing in the world to her and now has friended my entire family/friends. I am annoyed that I was lied to about the reason I was not chosen. I am annoyed that now everyone of my friends/family members will see through her facebook that I am not MOH, and a lot of them assumed I would be. I am annoyed because she has made it obvious I am not even really an important person in her wedding (i.e. everything about her wedding is expensive while I was super price cautious with my girls).
I know there are a lot more important things in life that I should be focused on. I am lucky to have such an amazing husband by my side. However it just really does bother me that I was not chosen as MOH and I am getting treated this way. I do want to stay in her wedding, even if it's just so she has to look back at photos of me like I now have to look at photos of her. I know this is extremely shallow thinking though. Should I just back out of her wedding? How do I get over the fact I was not chosen as MOH? Any thoughts would be helpful because I don't know how to just move on and get over my anger that has taken over me. Thanks!