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Thank You Note Question

KayDeeeKayDeee member
Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hello! Long time lurker, first time etiquette board poster!

Regarding thank you notes--what is the best way to very politely confirm someone actually received a gift?

We are friends of a couple who we know through mutual friends who we see socially probably 6 or 7 times a year. They've been to our place for parties and BBQs and birthday parties and they've been to ours. Great people!

Anyway, my question is, I could not make the bridal shower, but I shipped a gift off the registry to the address on the registry (of course). It was someplace out of state I am assuming the bride's parents house? Anyway, I received a thank you note for that gift almost immediately after the shower. So hooray! She got the gift!

Closer to the actual wedding date, we picked a couple more cookware items off the registry they needed to complete a set. Sent it to the same address on the registry. That was last September and there's been no note sent? I checked the site's tracking and delivery information and they were delivered, but "left at front door, no signature required." So while it's more likely nothing bad did happen to them, you just don't know? Also, we did send a card with the package identifying who it was from--but I know those are easily lost in the jostle of dozens of registry packages.

So, I guess my question is, what would be the best way just to ask them to be sure if the cookware was actually received? Or should I just let it go? I don't want to embarrass her or her husband with thank you note shame, I am just honestly wondering if they received them because they DID send a thank you note out for the shower gift, but nothing for the wedding gifts and that seems a little off?

Thank you!
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Re: Thank You Note Question

  • Teddy917Teddy917 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    Just call them and say that you were wondering if they received it.
    Also to brides, besides just being good etiquette, this is a good reason to write thank you notes.
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  • rel1988rel1988 member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer First Anniversary
    Next time you see them I would casually bring it up somehow like this, "hey how did you like those cookware items we got you? We are thinking of buying into that line and wanted a firsthand review of their quality" That way you aren't point blank asking, but if they didn't get them for some reason, it brings that to her attention.
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  • wittykitty14wittykitty14 member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper

    It's definitely possible that they don't know who it came from, it happens.  It's also likely that they're just not that great with thank you cards.  It happens a lot, unfortunately.  They might think that since they sent you one for the first gift, they don't need to send another (which isn't true).

    My first thought would be to just let it go.  But knowing that this situation would bother me too, I personally wouldn't feel comfortable leaving it at that.  This could be against etiquette, but next time I saw the couple, I'd say something like "I hope you're enjoying the cookware!" or something like that.  It seems less pushy and thank you note judge-y than calling and asking if they got it.

    I hope that helps!

     

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  • CharlieKay10CharlieKay10 member
    10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    Even though you are genuinely concerned that she received the gift - is there anything you could do about it now had she not received it? You can't track it down to see if it was stolen - the package says "delivered" - and it's been months. Bringing it up would seem passive aggressive. Unless you can find a very, very tactful way to ask her, I'd just leave it.
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  • harper0813harper0813 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    I love @rel1988 's suggestion. That way, it doesn't come off as pushy.
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