GM help!

dbanana · June 2013

I am in a tough spot with a GM who is already a pain in my butt. He is important to my fiance, but we've openly discussed how he has been really difficult and if the wedding wasn't four months away, we might reconsider our choices (I know it's seriously rude to "ask someone to step down" from the bridal party, and I would ordinarily wouldn't dream of it!).

FI and I went to Men's Wearhouse to select our tuxes; they require all the guys come in within 30 days to get fitted and put a $20 deposit down. All the guys were told beforehand when we were going (they knew they would only have a month) and approximately the cost; they've also been reminded several times. There's only a few days left to get in, and this GM still hasn't gone in. Even though he's FI's friend, I've talked to him a few times about it and his excuses are always that he has no time and no money. I am sympathetic with that. I have even asked if there is anything we can do to help (it felt pretty backwards), but he keeps making excuses. Today it the last straw. He just posted on FB that he bought season tickets to a sports team that is out of town. I love that he loves sports and that's his passion, but he can't cough up $20 for the wedding he agreed to be in last year?! Ugh.

Any advice is helpful, but please be nice about it. (Also, ranting here was quite therapeutic!)

msuprincess04 · June 2013

fyrefly76 said:

I'm new here, but let me guess what the other girls are going to say. --- The Groomsman's only responsibility is to get his tux and show up on time to the wedding. If he doesn't get a tux, he's taking himself out.

Pretty much. He knows the deadline. Let it go. He either does it or doesn't. And if he doesn't get the tux, then it's on him. Maybe he can get it on a shorter deadline, maybe your FI will let him wear something else. But, at this point, there's nothing you can do. It's all on him. Let it go and stop "reminding" him.

Edited: I should add, how he spends his money is none of your business. So that's a really lame reason to be upset.

STARMOON44 · June 2013

Unless you're a groom, this isn't your problem. If he gets the tux, great, if not there probably is a way to get something later. Either way, not your problem.

Kate61487 · June 2013

Yup, what they said. If he doesn't get it he doesn't get it.

FTR - Men's Warehouse claims you need to do things way before you actually do. They had us wait to get the kids measured two weeks before the day so that there would be minimal growth/size difference. They don't NEED everyone's deposit and measurements three months out. Now if this is a group price / coupon situation where you got them cheaper pending everyone anted up by X date then I would have FI tell the GM "btw - If you don't put the $20 down by X date it will cost $Y more." But beyond that you have to just let him be.

Also, if you are in a situation where the cost will change if it's not done by a specific date you could always pony up the $20; they can refund it to your credit card when the tux is actually picked up and paid for by the GM. We put the $20 down on everyone in our party just to lock everything in (and we requested they use the $20 credit, but MW offered to refund it)

SewInLoveWithDMB · June 2013

Unfortunately, there is not much you can do about this. If he does not ever get his tux, he is taking himself out of the wedding party. Although you probably did not go through all of the finances with him, as an adult, he should understand there are some associated costs with being a groomsman. If he did not realize this originally and now does, again, he will take himself out by not reserving the tux.

Don't fret - it really doesn't change any of your plans.

AddieCake · June 2013

Ditto PPs. The only reason I'm even commenting is to get my post count up.

Kate61487 · June 2013

AddieL73 said:

Ditto PPs. The only reason I'm even commenting is to get my post count up.

Ha. This made me giggle/snort at my desk...

AddieCake · June 2013

Tee hee, Kate! I couldn't resist.

itzMS · June 2013

speirdeanna said:

I am in a tough spot with a GM who is already a pain in my butt. He is important to my fiance, but we've openly discussed how he has been really difficult and if the wedding wasn't four months away, we might reconsider our choices (I know it's seriously rude to "ask someone to step down" from the bridal party, and I would ordinarily wouldn't dream of it!).

FI and I went to Men's Wearhouse to select our tuxes; they require all the guys come in within 30 days to get fitted and put a $20 deposit down. All the guys were told beforehand when we were going (they knew they would only have a month) and approximately the cost; they've also been reminded several times. There's only a few days left to get in, and this GM still hasn't gone in. Even though he's FI's friend, I've talked to him a few times about it and his excuses are always that he has no time and no money. I am sympathetic with that. I have even asked if there is anything we can do to help (it felt pretty backwards), but he keeps making excuses. Today it the last straw. He just posted on FB that he bought season tickets to a sports team that is out of town. I love that he loves sports and that's his passion, but he can't cough up $20 for the wedding he agreed to be in last year?! Ugh.

Any advice is helpful, but please be nice about it. (Also, ranting here was quite therapeutic!)

Your wedding is in four months. You have soooo much time. Our groomsmen didn't get measured for their tuxes until about a month before. Men's Wearhouse is feeding you a line of bull, and you just need to calm down about it.

If the groomsman isn't measured a month out, have your FI call him. Until then, leave him alone.

itzMS · June 2013

Also @speirdeanna, you really shouldn't post again using your real name as your username. Reason being, anyone here will able to find your wedding information and all of the details for your wedding very easily. This is an international forum, and you can never be too careful with Internet safety.

p.s. Is there any way you can avoid having a gap between your ceremony and reception?

AddieCake · June 2013

DON'T TELL ME HOW TO POST, LIA! I will make a cute sign with your name on it, Missy!

AddieCake · June 2013

Of course it will have a poem. What am I, an amateur?!

dbanana · June 2013

Thank you to everyone who has put themselves in my shoes about this. You're advice is all very helpful.

I'm thinking I might let it go until the deadline has passed and we are closer. I wanted them in within deadline because MW can't guarantee the style will be in if he's not fitted, and I would ascetically prefer if everyone was in the same suit. But this leaves me at a completely different cross road. I know there is nothing that says you have to have even BM and GM, but I would like to. Also, I would hate to see someone pull out of the wedding and kind of leave FI hanging.

Liatris2010 said:

STARMOON44 said:

Unless you're a groom, this isn't your problem. If he gets the tux, great, if not there probably is a way to get something later. Either way, not your problem.

Also, you should have asked everyone's budget before choosing tuxes, and then picked one everyone could afford. You can't just tell people how much money they will be spending on a special outfit for your wedding and expect them to cough it up.

I get that it's not technically my problem, but since FI has been caught up with work stress and I have a bit more free-wedding time, that I would help him out with his guys. We did consult with all of GMs before choosing a tux; they all agreed the price was doable before we put our deposit down. Also, we are on a bit of a special group discount - the price goes up $40 if they're not measured in time.

itzMS said:

Also @speirdeanna, you really shouldn't post again using your real name as your username. Reason being, anyone here will able to find your wedding information and all of the details for your wedding very easily. This is an international forum, and you can never be too careful with Internet safety.

p.s. Is there any way you can avoid having a gap between your ceremony and reception?

I don't think I know how to do that with my name! Ugh. Just realized it; I've been purging the internet of that stuff and I totally missed that one. Thanks! As for the gap, we've built it in so we can take pictures. Also, most of our guests are from in town (and the ones that aren't will be with ones that are). Some people, like my grandparents, for instance, want to take a break in between so they aren't worn out. I'm hoping the break still works out alright! Any suggestions?

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