Completely not sure about bridal shower invites & gifts!

Re: Completely not sure about bridal shower invites & gifts!

• michellemayawheeler member

  

  June 2013

  So.....I think you should stick to your small bridal shower plan.

   

  For the church, you can annouce after the day. Then you have the box after the big day for gifts.

  We are having close family and friends.

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• tiny speck member

  

  June 2013

  As far as I understand it, church showers are an exception to the rule when it comes to not inviting people not invited to the wedding, especially if it ends up being something more casual like the "open house" style shower proposed by one of the church ladies. If you accept the offer, this can be completely separate from any shower your family or friends host for you where only wedding guests are invited.
  
  I'm a bit confused about your comment about the "blessing". You are getting married aren't you? Just not at the church your FI is pastor at (and then you are having a separate blessing there later?)? If that's the case, I still don't see anything wrong with a church shower hosted by the church ladies.
  
  The gift mailbox does seem a bit off to me though, especially if you do end up having the church shower.
  

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• LAM524 member

  

  June 2013 edited June 2013

  Yes, we are getting married. I received some great advice on here...suggesting a "blessing" after the fact so our church family dont feel hurt and not included in  "their" Pastors wedding. We just cant afford to host 600+ at our venue.
  
  I am completely sick about the mailbox. I have seriously thought about going to the Elders but my FI told me that we can't go over Lead Pastors head.
  

  
  

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• LAM524 member

  

  June 2013

  michellemayawheeler said:

  So.....I think you should stick to your small bridal shower plan.

   

  For the church, you can annouce after the day. Then you have the box after the big day for gifts.

  We are having close family and friends.

  A formal announcement will be mad prior to the "blessing" but word is out. Im just not liking the "gift" mailbox thing. AT ALL.
  

  
  

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• Kate61487 member

  

  June 2013

  LAM2228 said:

  Hi all,
  
  My MOH (sister) called this morning with a question that I just couldnt answer. She lives out of state and is in the process of planning a bridal shower for me (with my other BM's) here where I live. We are aware that she is not to invite people to the shower that aren't invited to the wedding but heres the dilemma. Because we are not getting married at our church where my FI is a Pastor, we are having a "Blessing of the marriage" and hosting a luncheon (thanks knotties) when we return from our honeymoon. This "blessing" is not the wedding so what is proper here regarding invites to the shower?  My sis told me that some of my BM's have told her that they have been aproached by many women in our church who are already asking for details. One BM was approached by our Womans Ministry leader asking if she could host an "open house" shower at church. Apparently, the BM's are telling them that they do not know anything yet as its month away!
  
  I didnt see this one coming. This is very difficult because they will not know they arent invited to wedding until after the shower. 
  
  Another issue...Our lead Pastor told me that they will be putting up a very large mailbox (we use for Christmas cards) and making an announcement that all "well wishes" & "gifts" for the "happy couple" can be deposited in the mailbox! I was horrified! I clearly expressed that I we did not want this and told him why. He told me that I was being "silly" and that the "family loves us and wants to bless us with their gifts. He also said that my FI is the only Pastor to get married since the churches inception in 1936 so everyone is excited. He just wasnt hearing me. I have since spoken to the administrative Pastor and my FI. My FI agrees with me. The administrative Pastor understands us but said, "Ultimately, so & so will do what he wants to!" I will be so utterly embarrassed! Can we seriously return the gifts without insulting people?
  

  The church lady can TOTALLY host a church shower if she wants.  Work and church showers are the exception to the "only wedding guests" rule as long as it's thrown by a church person and only church people attend and everyone is aware they aren't invited to the wedding.

  Tell your MOH to keep her guest list as planned but if the Womans Ministry leader mentions it again they can encourage her to go ahead and plan whatever she'd like separately.
  

  

   
  

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• Kate61487 member

  

  June 2013

  Oh, also - no you can't graciously return gifts.  It's a little embarrassing that the other pastor is doing the box thing, but anything people choose to put in there you need to accept and graciously thank them for.

  

   
  

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• LAM524 member

  

  June 2013

  Kate61487 said:

  LAM2228 said:

  Hi all,
  
  My MOH (sister) called this morning with a question that I just couldnt answer. She lives out of state and is in the process of planning a bridal shower for me (with my other BM's) here where I live. We are aware that she is not to invite people to the shower that aren't invited to the wedding but heres the dilemma. Because we are not getting married at our church where my FI is a Pastor, we are having a "Blessing of the marriage" and hosting a luncheon (thanks knotties) when we return from our honeymoon. This "blessing" is not the wedding so what is proper here regarding invites to the shower?  My sis told me that some of my BM's have told her that they have been aproached by many women in our church who are already asking for details. One BM was approached by our Womans Ministry leader asking if she could host an "open house" shower at church. Apparently, the BM's are telling them that they do not know anything yet as its month away!
  
  I didnt see this one coming. This is very difficult because they will not know they arent invited to wedding until after the shower. 
  
  Another issue...Our lead Pastor told me that they will be putting up a very large mailbox (we use for Christmas cards) and making an announcement that all "well wishes" & "gifts" for the "happy couple" can be deposited in the mailbox! I was horrified! I clearly expressed that I we did not want this and told him why. He told me that I was being "silly" and that the "family loves us and wants to bless us with their gifts. He also said that my FI is the only Pastor to get married since the churches inception in 1936 so everyone is excited. He just wasnt hearing me. I have since spoken to the administrative Pastor and my FI. My FI agrees with me. The administrative Pastor understands us but said, "Ultimately, so & so will do what he wants to!" I will be so utterly embarrassed! Can we seriously return the gifts without insulting people?
  

  The church lady can TOTALLY host a church shower if she wants.  Work and church showers are the exception to the "only wedding guests" rule as long as it's thrown by a church person and only church people attend and everyone is aware they aren't invited to the wedding.

  Tell your MOH to keep her guest list as planned but if the Womans Ministry leader mentions it again they can encourage her to go ahead and plan whatever she'd like separately.
  

  Thanks for your input. Im just not sure about telling people they arent invited. After all, how does one deliver such a mass message? I dont want to be rude about it.
  

  
  

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• Kate61487 member

  

  June 2013

  LAM2228 said:

   

  Thanks for your input. Im just not sure about telling people they arent invited. After all, how does one deliver such a mass message? I dont want to be rude about it.
  

  You don't want to go around publicizing it, but there are a few ways to get the message out there...

  A) if/when church folks ask about the wedding stick to the "oh yes we're looking forward to it, but we'll be keeping it small / mostly family"

  if they ask to host the shower before invites have gone out: "I think that would be lovely, but I wouldn't want people to feel pressured to give gifts when we aren't able to invite everyone"

  C) if they ask to host a shower after invited have gone out (i.e. within a few weeks of the wedding) its safe to assume they know.

  

   
  

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• LAM524 member

  

  June 2013

  @katie61487...a) thats exactly what we have started to say! (thanks to knotties advice). I would have no problem saying this, at all. C) Agree!
  
  @scribe95...I did think of this. We have a food ministry that always need support. I wonder if it would be acceptable for the Lead Pastor to add/change this to his announcement? What do you think?
  

  
  

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• STARMOON44 member

  

  June 2013

  I think you should accept the lead pastor's plan. Honestly, as a church member I consider giving to pastors and their families charity. And I think it's my responsibility to provide financial support to them. I'd be very insulted to be told not to.

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• LAM524 member

  

  June 2013

  STARMOON44 said:

  I think you should accept the lead pastor's plan. Honestly, as a church member I consider giving to pastors and their families charity. And I think it's my responsibility to provide financial support to them. I'd be very insulted to be told not to.

  Star...provide financial support to the Pastors personally or the charity?
  

  
  

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• STARMOON44 member

  

  June 2013

  To the pastors. I think that is an act of charity

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• LAM524 member

  

  June 2013

  
  

  STARMOON44 said:

  To the pastors. I think that is an act of charity

  thanks for your perspective
  

  
  

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