Not Engaged Yet

Not so serious?

My soon to be fiance and I talk about what we'd like to do for our wedding a lot, but he seems to want to make a joke out of it. 
I want a classy wedding, but fun. I don't want it to be about alcohol since there is alcoholism in my family. I don't want to worry about a guest getting too drunk and ruining my big day.
He wants to wear a t-shirt and swim trunks and party like we are back in high school. 
I have a feeling once he proposes and we get serious about the planning that he wont joke too much, but seriously? 
I'm a fairy tale kind of girl, and I've been planning for this my whole life. We've talked about a destination wedding or a small wedding. Then having a bigger reception once we get back from Honeymoon. Which I would like a lot better. I'm willing to compromise on something, but not everything. 

So..what do i do? Or should I just wait and see once he pops the question?  

Re: Not so serious?

  • Don't worry about it right now.  Just take a breath and calm down.  Your boyfriend hasn't proposed yet and so you shouldn't be stressing about this right now.  When he does propose take a week or two or more to bathe in the glow of being engaged and then you can start thinking about your wedding.  Come back then and we can talk if your BF who will be your FI then is still acting up.  Which I doubt he will.  Cause if you're on one page and he's on another either you both find a compromise, or rethink what a wedding means to you both and how that will be a stepping stone to your married life.
  • Thanks. Thats really helpful. I feel like taking a week to bask in the glow is the biggest piece of advice anyone can give. I'm one to always try to plan right away, but to take a moment and be happy with that moment in time will help me not stress out. Thanks!
  • cplouden said:
    My soon to be fiance and I talk about what we'd like to do for our wedding a lot, but he seems to want to make a joke out of it. 
    I want a classy wedding, but fun. I don't want it to be about alcohol since there is alcoholism in my family. I don't want to worry about a guest getting too drunk and ruining my big day.
    He wants to wear a t-shirt and swim trunks and party like we are back in high school. 
    I have a feeling once he proposes and we get serious about the planning that he wont joke too much, but seriously? 
    I'm a fairy tale kind of girl, and I've been planning for this my whole life. We've talked about a destination wedding or a small wedding. Then having a bigger reception once we get back from Honeymoon. Which I would like a lot better. I'm willing to compromise on something, but not everything. 

    So..what do i do? Or should I just wait and see once he pops the question?  
    This^

    Enjoy your relationship as it is now.  You can worry about wedding details when you're engaged.
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  • The awesome thing is, you aren't required to worry if he is joking around too much right now! Enjoy this period of having a carefree relationship with the one you love, and don't spoil the fun by talking too much about wedding stuff before you actually have reason to. All that planning and DIYing and such will come soon enough. :)
  • Chill out about the planning until its actually time to plan aka when you're actually engaged.

    And you're going to get a ton of flack about your reception. Just a warning that your current plan is pretty rude.
    I guess, to tell you the truth, I've never had much of a desire to grow facial hair. I think I've managed to play quarterback just fine without a mustache. - Peyton
  • I wanted to echo what the PP have said. One of my girlfriends was pre-planning her wedding and was so caught up in the details before he proposed that she didn't actually enjoy the proposal/engagement. Definitely just go with the flow.
  • You're getting too worked up about something that a. isn't happening yet, and b. doesn't mean anything.

    My FI tortured me about our wedding non-stop before he proposed, mainly just because he loves getting a rise out of me (I'm teeny tiny and super high strung so I imagine when I get worked up I probably look like a little bobble head doll--it cracks him up).  Your BF is probably just having some fun with you--I doubt he's going to want to have the whole thing be a big joke.

    If it bothers you that much, just stop engaging him.  Don't bring it up, and if he does just say "let's just enjoy being together for now and worry about our wedding once we're engaged" and change the subject.
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  • @belle2188, 1) awesome advice *snaps*, and 2) the teeny tiny bobblehead imagery cracked me up!
  • My H used to tease me about stupid stuff he wanted for our wedding before we got engaged too (of course, we did have serious conversations about it too), but I usually countered that with silly ideas of my own.  It was actually pretty fun and a way to make our chats about weddings/marriage not too serious before we actually got to that step.  Once we finally did get engaged, the wedding planning came together pretty easily, so I'm glad we didn't dwell on it prior to that.
  • cplouden said:
    My soon to be fiance and I talk about what we'd like to do for our wedding a lot, but he seems to want to make a joke out of it. 
    I want a classy wedding, but fun. I don't want it to be about alcohol since there is alcoholism in my family. I don't want to worry about a guest getting too drunk and ruining my big day.
    He wants to wear a t-shirt and swim trunks and party like we are back in high school. 
    I have a feeling once he proposes and we get serious about the planning that he wont joke too much, but seriously? 
    I'm a fairy tale kind of girl, and I've been planning for this my whole life. We've talked about a destination wedding or a small wedding. Then having a bigger reception once we get back from Honeymoon. Which I would like a lot better. I'm willing to compromise on something, but not everything. 

    So..what do i do? Or should I just wait and see once he pops the question?  
    So... your boyfriend? 

    Yes, you wait until you are engaged to plan a wedding. None of these things matter right now because you are not engaged yet. Also, please remember that this is real life, not a fairy tale. 



  • Also, are you engaged or not? If he asked you to marry him and you said yes then that usually means that you're engaged even if there is no ring involved. I'm confused. 

    cplouden said:
    He's asked me and I've said yes. We already have a date picked out, which is a few years from now. I'm waiting on the ring and the formal proposal so that we can tell our family. I was hoping to tell them next month (over my birthday celebration), but it doesn't like the ring/question will be coming anytime soon. I already have a ring picked out, now its just waiting.
    Oh how I hate waiting.



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