WWYD?

CallaLily25 · June 2013

FI and I just received a wedding invitation for a very close friend of ours from high school. We really want to go and would be heartbroken if we had to miss it, but we're tight on money right now due to saving for our own wedding.

Some details: It's over 12 hours away (on a Saturday though so that helps), the nearest airport is 4 hours away from the reception/ceremony site, and the nearest hotel that isn't already booked is 1.5 hours away from the reception. Because of this, we will definitely need to rent a car to get back and forth from everywhere we need to go. We found that it's cheaper to just drive the 12 hours there rather than fly since we'd have to rent a car if we flew.

We calculated it out and in total (gifts, gas, hotel, etc), it will cost us about $700+ to attend. This is the first-ever wedding either of us have been to, so I wanted to see if this is a typical expense for a wedding.

What would you do? Would you go?

Sidenote: FI already had to decline this friend's bachelor party as it was held in Vegas (across the country from us) and was going to cost $1,000, so we hate to decline to the wedding too.

tl;dr Wedding is going to cost about $700+ to attend, would you go if it was a close friend?

AllieBear725 · June 2013

FI and I just received a wedding invitation for a very close friend of ours from high school. We really want to go and would be heartbroken if we had to miss it, but we're tight on money right now due to saving for our own wedding. Some details: It's over 12 hours away (on a Saturday though so that helps), the nearest airport is 4 hours away from the reception/ceremony site, and the nearest hotel that isn't already booked is 1.5 hours away from the reception. Because of this, we will definitely need to rent a car to get back and forth from everywhere we need to go. We found that it's cheaper to just drive the 12 hours there rather than fly since we'd have to rent a car if we flew. We calculated it out and in total (gifts, gas, hotel, etc), it will cost us about $700+ to attend. This is the first-ever wedding either of us have been to, so I wanted to see if this is a typical expense for a wedding. What would you do? Would you go? Sidenote: FI already had to decline this friend's bachelor party as it was held in Vegas (across the country from us) and was going to cost $1,000, so we hate to decline to the wedding too. tl;dr Wedding is going to cost about $700+ to attend, would you go if it was a close friend?

How far out is your wedding? Will you have time to reimburse your bank account after this trip if you just make small cut backs? If so, then I would go. It will be great for you to see your friend get married, and it will be something you regret for a long time if you don't attend. Just my two cents.

itzMS · June 2013

CallaLily25 said:

FI and I just received a wedding invitation for a very close friend of ours from high school. We really want to go and would be heartbroken if we had to miss it, but we're tight on money right now due to saving for our own wedding. Some details: It's over 12 hours away (on a Saturday though so that helps), the nearest airport is 4 hours away from the reception/ceremony site, and the nearest hotel that isn't already booked is 1.5 hours away from the reception. Because of this, we will definitely need to rent a car to get back and forth from everywhere we need to go. We found that it's cheaper to just drive the 12 hours there rather than fly since we'd have to rent a car if we flew. We calculated it out and in total (gifts, gas, hotel, etc), it will cost us about $700+ to attend. This is the first-ever wedding either of us have been to, so I wanted to see if this is a typical expense for a wedding. What would you do? Would you go? Sidenote: FI already had to decline this friend's bachelor party as it was held in Vegas (across the country from us) and was going to cost $1,000, so we hate to decline to the wedding too. tl;dr Wedding is going to cost about $700+ to attend, would you go if it was a close friend?

I honestly can't believe this. Have you called the couple to ask for suggestions? What city is it? You can't be the only guests who would be flying in or staying at a hotel.

ETA: There might be a bed and breakfast or an Inn in the town that doesn't come up on Google searches, so I'd definitely ask them if you haven't.

bakerie · June 2013

If it was a really close friend I'd go, as long as it wasn't going to put me in debt or anything like that.

harper0813 · June 2013

I would go if it were in my budget. If you have to make substantial cuts to your own wedding I'm order to attend theirs, it's understandable if you'd prefer not to attend. Send a heartfelt note and a nice gift.

southernbelle0915 · June 2013

CallaLily25 said:

FI and I just received a wedding invitation for a very close friend of ours from high school. We really want to go and would be heartbroken if we had to miss it, but we're tight on money right now due to saving for our own wedding. Some details: It's over 12 hours away (on a Saturday though so that helps), the nearest airport is 4 hours away from the reception/ceremony site, and the nearest hotel that isn't already booked is 1.5 hours away from the reception. Because of this, we will definitely need to rent a car to get back and forth from everywhere we need to go. We found that it's cheaper to just drive the 12 hours there rather than fly since we'd have to rent a car if we flew. We calculated it out and in total (gifts, gas, hotel, etc), it will cost us about $700+ to attend. This is the first-ever wedding either of us have been to, so I wanted to see if this is a typical expense for a wedding. What would you do? Would you go? Sidenote: FI already had to decline this friend's bachelor party as it was held in Vegas (across the country from us) and was going to cost $1,000, so we hate to decline to the wedding too. tl;dr Wedding is going to cost about $700+ to attend, would you go if it was a close friend?

Not to be nosy... but you've been posting all over the luxury weddings board about how your floral budget is $8,000 - $10,000, you're getting married in a mansion, etc. I don't get how you can't afford this?

Kate61487 · June 2013

None of us can tell you what's an acceptable hit to YOUR budget.

We've had a lot of weddings this year; thankfully most have been within 2 hours so we've driven and it basically just costs us gas and gift. But for the few we are flying 700 seems pretty accurate. BEST case flight would be $100 for each of us (and that's if we luck into a southwest get away fare). plus gift and hotel that's at least $500; and again, that's if we got an awesome deal on flights. So yes, I'd say $700 is a pretty typical expense for two people to attend an OOT (flying distance) wedding. My cousin's Hawaiian wedding will certainly cost WAY more than that (if we decide to go... still looking at the budget)

CallaLily25 · June 2013

I understand the confusion. Luckily, my parents and FI's parents are helping with the wedding, and we have a lot of time to save which helps. Thats why our budget can be what it is, but is obviously subject to change depending on if circumstances change. The thing that has kind of thrown a wrench into our plans lately is that FI was laid off from his job. While we're hopeful he will be employed again soon, it has put us on a tight budget for the next couple of months until he finds employment. Mainly I was wondering if this was typical wedding travel expense and to see what others would likely do in a similar situation.

CallaLily25 · June 2013

Their wedding is in a really, really small town. I've gotten all of my info off their wedding website, which is conveniently very detailed with all the distances from each hotel and the main airport. They do have a few bed and breakfasts, but they're all booked the weekend of the wedding.

I think everyone is right. We will definitely be going. I just know we'd regret it if we didn't. Even though FI's recent layoff has hindered our saving plans a bit, we have plenty of time to save for our wedding and we are luckily having help from our parents.

I think FI's layoff has gotten me a bit spooked, so any major expense that pops up is stressing me out.

itzMS · June 2013

CallaLily25 said:

I understand the confusion. Luckily, my parents and FI's parents are helping with the wedding, and we have a lot of time to save which helps. Thats why our budget can be what it is, but is obviously subject to change depending on if circumstances change. The thing that has kind of thrown a wrench into our plans lately is that FI was laid off from his job. While we're hopeful he will be employed again soon, it has put us on a tight budget for the next couple of months until he finds employment. Mainly I was wondering if this was typical wedding travel expense and to see what others would likely do in a similar situation.

@CallaLily25 Yes, it's a reasonable expense. What isn't reasonable is the distance from an airport and the lack of lodging. I'd decline for this reason.

What town/state is it? Someone here from the area could help with options/ideas for hotels or airports if the bride and groom don't have other options for you.

wittykitty14 · June 2013

$700 doesn't sound awful considering how much you have to travel.

It'd be great if you were able to go, but only you and your FI can decide if you can afford to. Everyone's situation is different. There's people on here who'd say "yeah, I'd go in a heartbeat", and then you've got people like me thinking "yeah, there's no way I could find that money". It all comes down to what you're comfortable spending to attend the wedding.

If I was you, I wouldn't go, only because you just mentioned that your FI was laid off. I'd rather keep the $700 and have that as security in case he doesn't find something right away. But that's just me

MayberryAfterMidnight · June 2013

That's great you'll be able to go! Just to offer one more thought (from your friend's perspective) - our wedding will be 7-8 hours away for most of our friends, it's taking place in a small town, with the closest airport (a regional one) being over an hour away. Luckily, we were able to block off enough rooms at a hotel only 15 minutes from the reception, so it's not quite as drastic as your friend's wedding, although it's taking place on a Sunday evening for religious reasons, so that's an added inconvenience. But point is, we realize it will not be cheap or convenient for all our friends and a few did indeed have to decline simply because they couldn't afford it or couldn't miss an important work/school commitment the next day. FI and I totally understood and expected that may be the case. So if you had decided you just couldn't make it without going into serious debt, your friend - if he/she is a true friend - would understand.

CallaLily25 · June 2013

@itzMS It's in Michigan. I don't know if I feel comfortable stating the town just in case the bride is on TK, but according to their website, there are 2 airports. One really small one near Grand Rapids that (but the airport closest to us doesn't fly into it) that is 1.5 hours away, and one major one in Detroit that we can easily fly into but is 4 hours away. I think that's been our biggest problem: trying to work out the logistics on how to get from one place to the next in the most cost effective and convenient way.

itzMS · June 2013

CallaLily25 said:

@itzMS It's in Michigan. I don't know if I feel comfortable stating the town just in case the bride is on TK, but according to their website, there are 2 airports. One really small one near Grand Rapids that (but the airport closest to us doesn't fly into it) that is 1.5 hours away, and one major one in Detroit that we can easily fly into but is 4 hours away. I think that's been our biggest problem: trying to work out the logistics on how to get from one place to the next in the most cost effective and convenient way.

Newark flies direct to Grand Rapids, FWIW. You're from New Jersey based on your posts, right?

To me, a twelve hour drive each way plus the added wear and tear on your car isn't worth it, so personally if I would go...I would fly.

Renting a car in the Midwest costs only around $20-$40 a day max, so you could do that easily at the Grand Rapids airport.

STARMOON44 · June 2013

I would definitely go, but $700 fits into my budget. Only you can decide if it fits in yours. I also see nothing wrong with it being far from a hotel/airport. Lots of people live in towns like that, nothing wrong with them getting married there.

kmmssg · June 2013

Grand Rapids is a smaller airport, but it is an international airport with a lot of volume in term of flights in and out. Lansing is smaller but I've used it fairly often as it is closer to my house. Did you check Bishop Airport in Flint?

It is hard to help if I don't know what direction you are going. Can you give me the direction from say, Grand Rapids?

kmmssg · June 2013

I'm also trying to think of a place that is 4 hours from any airport that isn't in the Upper Peninsula and I'm not coming up with much except maybe the very tip of the lower Peninsula.

CallaLily25 · June 2013

@itzMS We're actually from PA, but getting married in NJ (lots of family there). Thank you so much for the info about Newark, though! That's not too far from us and if we could find a way to fly, that would be great! I'd love to avoid a 12 hour drive.

I will definitely be talking to FI tonight about all of this.

And thank you to everyone for all your insights and opinions. It really put everything in perspective for me, and I'm really glad we'll be going. I think with FI being laid off, I was just having a minor freak out moment because even though our wedding expenses will be primarily covered by our parents, our daily expenses are definitely not. This is why I love this board

StephJean83 · June 2013

Last summer my roommate was invited to 10 + weddings. For the ones he did attend/was in, he spent approximately $1000 for travel, lodging, food, attire and gift. The ones he didn't attend he sent anywhere from $200 to $400(depending on how close he was to bride/groom). My FH and I were invited to 8 weddings and attended 6 of them(3 were on the same day) and all but one required at least one night lodging for us. Most were at 4 hour drive one way, but we had a couple that were closer to 6 to 7 hours one way. We probably spent about $300 to $450 on each wedding when you factor travel, food, lodging and gift. So in comparison, is probably close to what you would spend on a 12 hour trip.

Like itzms said, car rentals in the Midwest are pretty cheap. We rented a car a couple years ago when my FH's uncle had my car fixing it up and for the week(Monday to Saturday) and paid just under $100. We rented a car to go to my sister's wedding in AL about year before that and we paid about $170 for just over a week and had unlimited miles. We did this without using a site like Expedia or Hotwire, sometimes you can find great deals for flights and car rentals on there.

southernbelle0915 · June 2013

You can also fly into Traverse City (not direct) if the wedding is in northern Michigan (lower peninsula), which it sounds like it might be.

Also check other airlines - I know Southwest didn't used to fly into Grand Rapids and they're going to start in August or something. Try www.kayak.com.

wittykitty14 · June 2013

STARMOON44 said:

I would definitely go, but $700 fits into my budget. Only you can decide if it fits in yours. I also see nothing wrong with it being far from a hotel/airport. Lots of people live in towns like that, nothing wrong with them getting married there.

Exactly. There's only one "real" airport in my whole state. I'm fortunate enough to only be half an hour away, but there are a lot of people who aren't. We also have quite a few counties where there aren't any hotels or motels, just cozy B & B's. It can be hard for a city-person to grasp, but this is the norm in my area, and we just accept that.

CallaLily25 · June 2013

wittykitty14 said:

STARMOON44 said:

I would definitely go, but $700 fits into my budget. Only you can decide if it fits in yours. I also see nothing wrong with it being far from a hotel/airport. Lots of people live in towns like that, nothing wrong with them getting married there.

Exactly. There's only one "real" airport in my whole state. I'm fortunate enough to only be half an hour away, but there are a lot of people who aren't. We also have quite a few counties where there aren't any hotels or motels, just cozy B & B's. It can be hard for a city-person to grasp, but this is the norm in my area, and we just accept that.

@starmoon44 @wittykitty14 Oh I don't think there is anything wrong with it at all! I'm of the mindset that you have every right to have your wedding wherever you want! I also know this area is near and dear to the bride's heart. PPs' help with the logistics have really helped us figure it all out so we can be there. I'm sorry if it came off like I was being judgemental, because I definitely am not. I think my disappointment at the prospect of not going was shining through. I talked to FI last night, and we are definitely going.

wittykitty14 · June 2013

CallaLily25 said:

STARMOON44 said:

I would definitely go, but $700 fits into my budget. Only you can decide if it fits in yours. I also see nothing wrong with it being far from a hotel/airport. Lots of people live in towns like that, nothing wrong with them getting married there.

Exactly. There's only one "real" airport in my whole state. I'm fortunate enough to only be half an hour away, but there are a lot of people who aren't. We also have quite a few counties where there aren't any hotels or motels, just cozy B & B's. It can be hard for a city-person to grasp, but this is the norm in my area, and we just accept that.
@starmoon44 @wittykitty14 Oh I don't think there is anything wrong with it at all! I'm of the mindset that you have every right to have your wedding wherever you want! I also know this area is near and dear to the bride's heart. PPs' help with the logistics have really helped us figure it all out so we can be there. I'm sorry if it came off like I was being judgemental, because I definitely am not. I think my disappointment at the prospect of not going was shining through. I talked to FI last night, and we are definitely going.

Don't worry, you didn't come off that way at all! I was just having one of those "yay, someone else gets it!" cyber-moments. I'm glad everything will work out and that you're able to make it!

CallaLily25 · June 2013

Oh good! haha

And thank you!

Gumby68 · June 2013

CallaLily25 said:

@itzMS It's in Michigan. I don't know if I feel comfortable stating the town just in case the bride is on TK, but according to their website, there are 2 airports. One really small one near Grand Rapids that (but the airport closest to us doesn't fly into it) that is 1.5 hours away, and one major one in Detroit that we can easily fly into but is 4 hours away. I think that's been our biggest problem: trying to work out the logistics on how to get from one place to the next in the most cost effective and convenient way.

There are airports all over Michigan. If it's 1.5 hours from Grand Rapids, then that might put you nearer to Lansing or Kalamazoo also. Grand Rapids and Lansing definitely have the most flights available of the three. Grand Rapids is also only about 3 hours from O'hare in Chicago, so depending on which direction the 1.5 hours from Grand Rapids it is, that could be another option.

As far as I know, there are a few more airports--possibly Traverse City and Flint (I could be wrong), so I would definitely look into the other options a bit more too.

ETA: Not sure if it helps, but there is also an airport in South Bend, Indiana, which is right on the border of Michigan and basically directly south of Grand Rapids by about 2 hours. Car rentals at the smaller airports are generally less expensive too.

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