Silly question about registries vs cash/HM registries

crunchymamaof2 · June 2013

On the app a woman posted about how awesome her cash registry/honeymoon registry was and that everyone could basically kiss her butt because she was doing. Of course several of us responded otherwise but one poster asked a question directed at me and I honestly couldn't think of a decent answer. I know you ladies will know.

She asked, "how is a gift registry any better than asking for cash/HM registry since you're still asking for gifts?" The only thing I could think of was that the cash/HM registries are technically meant to fund something, be it your wedding or honeymoon and asking guests to fund either of those is dead wrong. A regular registry doesn't do that. What else am I missing??

hordol · June 2013

I'm sure some people will have a better answer than I do, but this is what I have:

Wedding gifts aren't required--most people just like to give them. Some people like to get ideas about what the couple needs, that's why a registry is a good idea. If you wanted to get them a gift but have no idea what they need, they could end up with 30 towels at 20 picture frames, etc, and generally you want to give something you know the couple will appreciate.

Cash/honeymoon registries are basically saying, "We don't want your presents, just give us the cash." It feels like you are using your guests just for their wallets. I know I would rather pick out a gift from the registry and wrap it up nicely rather than just write a check. That is more fun for me, personally, as a guest. I don't like being told that I have to give money when what I really want is to get them something fun for their home.

NYCBruin · June 2013

The way I see it, traditional registries help guests who want to buy you a physical gift. They help point your guests in the right direction so they know that their gift is something you actually need/want/will use.

Cash/HM registries are somewhat insulting to your guests for a few reasons. One, they are misleading. People think they are buying you a massage or a dinner, but you may or may not actually get that massage or go to that dinner since you can just take the cash. Presumably you actually will use and keep the physical gifts that people buy you off a registry, unless you are planning on returning items from your registry (which is also very rude).

The other reason I hate HM registries is that they are somewhat insulting to your guests' intelligence. Everyone knows cash is a welcome gift. I don't need to see your HM registry for me to know that cash is something you would like. Contrast that with a traditional registry. Say I want to buy you a set of towels, I would have no way of knowing what color/fabric you would like/use without a registry.

artbyallie · June 2013

A traditional registry is not 'asking for gifts.' It is for the use of those who want to give you gifts, so they know what will match your tastes and decor and thus they don't have to just pick out some random thing. Registry information is meant to be spread by word of mouth, when a guest asks about it. It should never go in a wedding invitation, only a shower invitation, since a shower is by nature a gift-giving event. Also, with a gift registry, you know the recipient is going to get exactly what you purchased and not a check after some of your money has been taken by the HM registry company. So it isn't deceitful that way.

winelover123 · June 2013

A registry is merely a suggestion. With a traditional registry, you're giving suggestions on the things you need to run your home and your style - not everyone will know that you already have a super awesome vacuum but still need cooking pots. Everyone knows that cash for the honeymoon (or car or house, etc.) is welcomed.

southernbelle0915 · June 2013

@Liatris2010 - help here! You always have the best explanation for this...

I'll give it a shot. The difference is that with a normal registry someone is actually buying the gift. They know what they gave and they know the couple received it and wanted it. With a honeymoon/cash registry, guests have the perception that they're buying something they're not really buying (like a round of golf wherever the honeymoon is).

And not only that but there's a service fee associated with it - sometimes as high as 10% - so the money they spend isn't all going to the couple. So it's not even really to the couple's advantage to go this route. Guests would be better off just giving cash - their gift would be worth as much as 10% more!

crunchymamaof2 · June 2013

Thanks! All of this was exactly what I was thinking but couldn't figure out how to word/say correctly. Perfect!

annathy03 · June 2013

Liatris2010 said:

Gift registries are a convenience to the gift giver. I want to get you China, or a kitchen gadget, but I don't know what pattern you like or whether or not you need a new stand mixer, so I check the registry, and now I can pick something you are sure to like. I don't need you to tell me you could use money, who couldn't? It isn't something that comes in sizes or patterns, five twenties are exactly the same as one hundred. A cash registry is useless to me, and useful to you for bullying your guests into giving cash by letting them know any boxed gifts will be reviled. Rude. As for honeymoon registries, they are deceptive. I think I'm buying you a snorkeling trip, but you don't get vouchers you get a check. Now I've paid honeydund to lie to me and do something I can do for free, write a check. No thanks. If I write a check all on my own, it doesn't cost me any extra, you don't lose a chunk of your gifts to service fees, and I know exactly what you get. If someone creates an HR where you actually get what people buy, I'd be all over that. I would love to give someone a fun honeymoon experience as a gift. If BBB gave you a check instead of the stand mixer I thought I bought, I'd think that was rude too.

Exactly this. If I know a couple is going on say, a cruise for their honeymoon, I'm happy to get on the cruise line website and gift them a dinner at an upgraded restaurant, or have their favorite liquor/wine sent to their room. I will not purchase off a HR registry because they don't get my gift, they get my cash minus a service fee.

misshart00 · June 2013

StageManager14 said:
Registries began as something to help the guests. It takes the stress off of buying a gift because you know not only what the couple wants but what has already been bought for them. It is to avoid the embarrassment of giving the same toaster 2 other people also have given. A registry isn't asking for gifts, it is a guide to help guests who freely decide they want to purchase a gift.

Unlike toasters or home decor, cash doesn't vary based on taste or color scheme. You can never have too much so there is no downside to multiple people giving cash. Hence why a registry for it is unnecessary and insulting.

This is my favorite explanation. Every time someone asks about it, I want to find this. I should save it to my computer.

Silly question about registries vs cash/HM registries

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