Guilt about destination wedding?

maibel03 · June 2013

Does anyone ever feel waves of guilt about having a destination wedding? For me they come from time to time – particularly yesterday when I was looking at flights and saw that a roundtrip flight from Boston is approximately 800 per person. It also didn’t help when a coworker told me last week that “maybe I should have the wedding at home like most people.” I am still set on planning an amazing wedding in Vegas but I wasn’t sure if others felt this way once in a while. It makes me second guess my decisions!!!

missmo14 · June 2013

Our round trip flights are between $1500 - $2000 per guest. Sometimes we get lucky with sale fares however I refuse to feel guilty about it. Our guests are invited not obligated to attend. Most of them are really excited about going to Vegas. Sure some would love to be there but cant afford it. FI and I wanted a Vegas wedding. We have planned the wedding to really splash out for our guests who make the trip and thats taken up a considerable amount of our budget but we wouldnt have it any other way.

AllyIdo · June 2013

I posted about this last month. I got over it after a while

When is your wedding? I'm in Boston too and airfares will come down. Try using Yapta to track them. Flights are already down to $350 for my weekend in April.

If you have your heart set on a Vegas wedding, then have one! Tell your coworker to pop off! Is she even invited?

You just have to be able to understand and accept that some people might not be able to come. Money, time off, kids, etc. are all valid reasons. Did you give your guests ample notice? Having a year to plan and save can make a lot of difference. Once you get to the point where you are OK with this, don't look back!

Or you could be surprised... Vegas is a place most people want to visit, so now they have an excuse!

In any case, have fun planning the wedding! We will all be here doing the same so not to worry

SD210 · June 2013

I feel this way all the time. The majority of my guests are also flying from Boston. I feel bad that my guests are paying so much to fly out. Sheesh, I can remember when you could fly non-stop to Boston on Jet Blue for less than $250 Those days are gone. But don't forget that Boston area people might save money by flying Southwest out of Manchester NH or Providence, RI. Might be worth the drive if you can save a few hundred bucks! But yeah, I do have flashes of guilt about having a destination wedding!

mnupp · June 2013

We're getting married in Vegas because I'm from NY and he's from Iowa, so the halfway point would be Toledo. And who wouldn't prefer Las Vegas?

We also looked at tropical/Caribbean destinations, but both flights AND hotels were more expensive. This is a happy medium for us.

To soften the blow, we made a map of every place we sent STDs and are including it in our welcome bags, as if to say, "See? You're not the only ones who had to travel. This wedding is equally inconvenient for everybody."

Jiimanie · June 2013

mnupp said:

To soften the blow, we made a map of every place we sent STDs and are including it in our welcome bags, as if to say, "See? You're not the only ones who had to travel. This wedding is equally inconvenient for everybody."

Hahah! Great idea, I love it!

One of the biggest reasons for us getting married in Vegas is so that we can keep it small, and I don't feel guilty about that, however I do feel guilty about how much it will cost for those who are invited and decide to come, but it is their choice and I remind myself of that. Whilst I'd love to be able to splash out and make their trip as amazing as possible, I'm on a tight budget myself but I plan on letting people know just how much it means to me that they're there in other ways

JNDM · June 2013

I agree with Jiimanie. My fiance and I wanted a very intimate wedding, and I couldn't be happier about our venue in Las Vegas. The people that really care will be there for you, or they will make other plans. For example, one of my friends couldn't invite me to his wedding this summer due to financial reasons (totally understandable), so we decided to go out to dinner in celebration. That person was just being rude and inconsiderate. You will have a lovely wedding.

Kimberlybfpc · June 2013

I don't feel guilty at all. We made it extremely clear that FI and I chose Vegas because it worked out the best for us, and that we didn't expect anyone to come. If they wanted to come, great. If not, we were completely ok with it. As long as you aren't expecting that certain people attend, then there's no reason to feel guilty. And your coworker sounds really rude.

[Deleted User] · June 2013

I swear if I hear one more person say "Why Vegas?" I will scream. I don't ask people why they have the wedding they chose. Surprisingly my BFF out of all people question us on a almost daily basis. So annoying. To answer the question, nope don't feel guilty at all.

ktbabe530 · June 2013

It's your wedding, if it makes you and your FI happy then that's all that matters!

I'm having the opposite problem, we thought Vegas would deter people from coming and it sounds like everyone wants to come we even have people asking to come! I'm trying really hard to keep it small!

missmo14 · June 2013

ktbabe530 said:

It's your wedding, if it makes you and your FI happy then that's all that matters!

I'm having the opposite problem, we thought Vegas would deter people from coming and it sounds like everyone wants to come we even have people asking to come! I'm trying really hard to keep it small!

I KNOW what you mean. I went into this thinking we would only have about 20 - 30 people invited. We ended up sending STD to 80 guests! We have budgeted accordingly but I really hope we end up with max 40 guests.

stareyes59 · June 2013

Don't feel guilty! We live in Boston too and our packages on JetBlue averaged around $650.00 per person for room and flight for 6 days. Keeping looking I'm sure they'll come down. And in regards to your guests, we were upfront with everyone that this was our vision for our day. You do not have to agree with it, you do not have to be happy about it and you also do not have to come. I know that may sound a little snarky, but our view was- here is where we will be, come, don't, do whatever you want we'll see you when we get back. And we couldn't have been more pleased with our wedding. Don't feel bad, your doing what is right for you and your fiancé and that's always the right move. Good luck!

KikiMira · June 2013

The way I see it:

It is going to cost us at least $10K more up here.

It isn't Mexico - so it is at least half the price of Mexico nor do you have to spend 7 days with family. They can come when they want and leave when they want. They can make it 2 days or a week!

Also it is a 2.5hr flight for us and it doubles our temperature

Also it allows you to weed out the people you dont want to there, "Oh sorry it is out of town and we are keeping it small"...

Who doesnt like Vegas?

vegasgroom · June 2013

I never felt guilty. The bulk of our wedding guests were good friends and all of our friends know us well enough that they would have felt no guilt in not coming, for any reason, let alone financial, and many did indeed choose to not attend for cost reasons. I also kept in my mind that that those who did attend would have an incredible party of food, booze and dancing/entertainment so at least they got an equivalent of a few hundred dollar night out in Vegas for free, and most of our friends are partiers.

nixym · June 2013

Definitely don't feel guilty! That wasn't a nice thing for your coworker to say! I'm sure I can't add more than what anyone else has said above but it's your guests choice, you're not forcing them to go and its your wedding not theirs!

We currently live in Australia. My partners entire family and our closest friends all live in the UK. My family live in New Zealand. We chose Vegas as it's sort of half way for everyone! Plus most of our friends love Vegas or have always wanted to go and are super excited about it. We gave them two years notice it was going to be there with a rough time of year and a years notice of the actual month.

We also don't have a massive budget and not only would it have cost us much more to travel to where the bulk of our guests live, it would have been a much bigger wedding as loads more people would come and we probably couldn't afford it!

We've invited 75 and have 23 definite and 25 maybes. We're hoping for 30-40 max! We knew not everyone would be able to make it but that can happen regardless of where your wedding is. Plus my best friend got married in Vegas in 2011 so for quite a few of us this is Vegas wedding number two!

SnowWhiteMontreal · June 2013

I feel guilty ony because my sister can't attend and I would have loved to see her there. But she's unemployed and going back to school in September, so...

Other than that, I don't! I too had people who kind of invited themselves and my FMIL invited people behind out back but I told her to uninvite them as 1- We don't know them and 2- It's none of her business to invite people at our wedding.

If it wasn't for my dad that I REALLY want to see there, I think we would have eloped. The good thing about getting married in Vegas is that FMIL doesn't take control as much as she would here, but she still does and that's why I would have prefered to elope, but since it's easy to tell her "Well, I don't know, the wedding coordinator takes care of this" and "Well, I don't know, the restaurant takes care of that" it doesn't really matter that she comes!

maibel03 · June 2013

Thank you for everyone's input!! And it looks like there are better deals from Boston than what I have been seeing - so I will just have to shop around a lot more (there is plenty of time for that)! We are only inviting immediate family to the wedding so this coworker is not invited (nor do I think we are close enough where she would be if we were extending our list) - but she is constantly asking about the wedding planning on a weekly basis. She just got married last fall - so maybe she is having wedding planning withdrawals. I'll just have to keep my responses light in the future!

Wicked93 · June 2013

I'm glad I'm not the only one in this boat. Well, I wish now of us were in this boat! LOL

My sister is on me about where we are having our wedding. She wants us to move it to our hometown, because it will be easier for her and some other family members to be there. I get what she is saying, I really do. But this is both of ours second wedding - when we first started talking about marriage, Vegas is where we both wanted to go.

I am hurt that she can't be there; I was there for both of her weddings regardless of kids, work, school, etc.I haven't pointed this out to her, it would fall on deaf ears. When I pointed out if we did it here, we would have kids with us after the wedding. Her comment about that was not very nice, yet when I asked her if she has her hubby's kids on their wedding night, her response was "No".

Its tough...Hopefully this gets better. I'm about to run to the courthouse!! LOL

Guilt about destination wedding?

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