Registering with vendors

trasevas · June 2013

Is it rude or tacky to use vendors on your registry? My fiancé and I have lived together for several years, and don't need household items. Now I wouldn't ask my guests to pay for their own dinner, why not for some of the photography? Or what about our honeymoon? Those are things that would be more applicable to us. What do you think?

QueerFemme · June 2013

trasevas@hotmail.com said:

Is it rude or tacky to use vendors on your registry? My fiancé and I have lived together for several years, and don't need household items. Now I wouldn't ask my guests to pay for their own dinner, why not for some of the photography? Or what about our honeymoon? Those are things that would be more applicable to us. What do you think?

it's tacky. Pay for your own wedding and your own honeymoon. if guests want to give you cash, they will. Either register for things you might want to upgrade (towels, sheets, etc.), or don't register at all. But, don't ask your guests for cash. It's rude and horribly tacky.

southernbelle0915 · June 2013

Terribly rude. I'm glad you posted here before doing it! Host the wedding you can afford. If you don't need household items, just register for a few things and, if people ask, you can let them know you're pretty well set on household stuff but saving up for XYZ. Don't put gift info anywhere on your wedding invitations.

misshart00 · June 2013

Other than it being tacky, a lot of people don't buy wedding presents until close to the wedding. You should have things like the photographer booked and deposits down by then. You can't rely on guests to pay for things that close to the wedding.

MuppetFan · June 2013

I really need to make my own gif to answer this question in the future. It would be of a Nascar driver with your family members names on patches instead of "Coca-Cola" and "Valvoline". Don't ask for sponsors... or money.

Your wedding reception is a "thank you" for your guests. Plan the wedding that you can properly host (host is a key word).

You don't need to register if you're not having a shower. I didn't register. If someone asks me where I'm registered, I just say, "we don't really need any household goods, we're just saving for our honeymoon" or "we're just saving for improvements to our home". Most people will give a check at weddings anyway.

Xstatic3333 · June 2013

I agree; don't do it! MuppetFan has great suggestions for how to handle registry questions.

Kate61487 · June 2013

Have you lurked at all? (legit question - not intended to be snarky). There was a post not too long ago by a bride who had to cancel her wedding 4 days before the big day because she couldn't pay her venue. I realize you're saying you'll have the venue paid in full, but honeymoons usually have to be paid in advance (flights at the very least if not hotel), your photog and other vendors will want to be paid the day of (if not before) and won't want to watch you open wedding gifts hoping there's enough cash inside to cover them.

Aside from it being really tacky it's just a really really bad idea.

trasevas · June 2013

FYI I was not including it on invitations,and deposits have been made. But the hotel for our honeymoon has lots of extras you can get (couples massage, wine tasting, land and sea tour) as does the photographer. Does that make any difference?

loca4pook · June 2013

TACKY do not do it

Kate61487 · June 2013

trasevas@hotmail.com said:

FYI I was not including it on invitations,and deposits have been made. But the hotel for our honeymoon has lots of extras you can get (couples massage, wine tasting, land and sea tour) as does the photographer. Does that make any difference?

Nope. If someone wants to treat you to a couples massage on your honeymoon they will ask you where you're going and contact the hotel themselves or will put cash in a card with a note that says "splurge on the honeymoon!"

AddieCake · June 2013

QueerFemme · June 2013

trasevas@hotmail.com said:

FYI I was not including it on invitations,and deposits have been made. But the hotel for our honeymoon has lots of extras you can get (couples massage, wine tasting, land and sea tour) as does the photographer. Does that make any difference?

Nope. It still doesn't make a difference. If someone asks where you are registered, you can politely respond with "oh, we didn't register anywhere. We are saving up for our honeymoon to [insert location here].

southernbelle0915 · June 2013

trasevas@hotmail.com said:
FYI I was not including it on invitations,and deposits have been made. But the hotel for our honeymoon has lots of extras you can get (couples massage, wine tasting, land and sea tour) as does the photographer. Does that make any difference?

It does not. There are two issues, 1) as @kate61487 pointed out, it's not smart financially, and 2) most importantly it's rude.

Read through the first couple pages of threads on this board and you'll get some good explanations of why.

MuppetFan · June 2013

No, it doesn't make a difference. It's tacky. But like I said, not registering will have the same affect as asking for money if someone is going to give you a gift for the most part.

Please PM "KnotPorscha" and change your handle to something that isn't your e-mail address too, for your own privacy.

manateehugger · June 2013

This is super tacky, OP. It's incredibly inappropriate to ask your guests to pay for your wedding. You're supposed to host your guests, not charge them.

ashleyep · June 2013

trasevas@hotmail.com said:

FYI I was not including it on invitations,and deposits have been made. But the hotel for our honeymoon has lots of extras you can get (couples massage, wine tasting, land and sea tour) as does the photographer. Does that make any difference?

The only way this could be even remotely acceptable is if your hotel has a website where your guests can purchase those for you. But a standard honeymoon registry where guests "buy" you a couple's massage but really you just get a check is not cool. Don't do it.

Have a small registry and hope your guests decide to give you cash.

trasevas · June 2013

Okay, okay. Message heard loud and clear. I only considered it because both the hotel and photographer suggested it. I googled it and found that people are starting to do this, but did not know what the impression would be. I was planning on putting it on the wedding URL, but now I guess that's not such a great idea.

manateehugger · June 2013

trasevas@hotmail.com said:

Okay, okay. Message heard loud and clear. I only considered it because both the hotel and photographer suggested it. I googled it and found that people are starting to do this, but did not know what the impression would be. I was planning on putting it on the wedding URL, but now I guess that's not such a great idea.

Yeah, the problem is that wedding vendors want to maximize profits. They don't care if you're rude or inappropriate as long as they get a nice chunk of change at the end of the day. Likewise, a lot of brides apparently don't care if they are rude as long as they get their dream wedding at the end of the day. It's a sad state of affairs.

Glad to hear you're reconsidering!

misssunshine17 · June 2013

It's probably in the top 5 tackiest thing you can do for your wedding.

Jen4948 · June 2013

Never do this, because it is taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaacky and rude beyond belief.

annathy03 · June 2013

ashleyep said:

trasevas@hotmail.com said:

FYI I was not including it on invitations,and deposits have been made. But the hotel for our honeymoon has lots of extras you can get (couples massage, wine tasting, land and sea tour) as does the photographer. Does that make any difference?

The only way this could be even remotely acceptable is if your hotel has a website where your guests can purchase those for you. But a standard honeymoon registry where guests "buy" you a couple's massage but really you just get a check is not cool. Don't do it.

Have a small registry and hope your guests decide to give you cash.

Agree with this. I do think it's OK on your wedding website (not in invites or anywhere else) to have a "our honeymoon" tab after the "our wedding party" and "recommended hotels" etc tabs to let people know what hotel you are staying at. It's just an interesting tidbit for most guests, but those that ENJOY giving honeymoon experiences can look up the phone number and call the hotel if they'd like to cover a massage or something for you. Do not include the hotel contact information on your website though, as I said it's just a tidbit and gives guests who like doing that sort of thing (like me) enough information to take the initiative if that's what they want to give.

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