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Shower and wedding gift?

Aray82Aray82 member
500 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
in Registry and Gift Forum
So first, I'm asking this as a guest of many current and future weddings, and because I've gotten several different answers in the past: is it customary to get both a shower and a wedding gift if you attend both events? I've generally only bought wedding gifts because I live so far away from many of my old friends and can only afford to make the trip out for the wedding. My understanding was that the shower made it easier to carry/ put away gifts so that there'd be less stuff to deal with when leaving the wedding reception. However, I've also heard that you should get gifts for whatever events you're attending, and still another opinion that whether you get a gift for the wedding as well depends on how "expensive" or "fancy" your shower gift was. Any thoughts on this? Also, I'm asking as a future bride who does intend to register and whose mom and sisters have hinted that she'll probably be thrown a shower. I've loved attending both baby and bridal showers (for those times when I've actually lived near the bride or mom to be) and I've always appreciated the chance to catch up with old girlfriends and female family members in a more intimate setting than the wedding typically allows for. Some of my close friends, girls who would be invited to my shower if I had one, don't feel the same way about them--instead, they've grumbled about feeling like they have to get two wedding gifts when they received a shower invitation. I honestly had no idea anyone felt like that, and I certainly wouldn't want a friend to think, "Ugh! Now I have to get another gift! " upon opening my shower invitation! If it looks like my folks are planning a shower, should I just decline it so as not to seem gift-grabby? I mean, we could honestly use some household items if guests would like to get a gift, but the celebration with friends and family is really the most important part of the wedding and the shower--I'd just be happy if my friends came to hang out, gifts or no gifts! And if they can't come or just don't feel like coming to a shower, that's fine, too! Anyway. Has anyone else felt like this when being invited to showers?
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Re: Shower and wedding gift?

  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    It's not necessary to give a gift for both, but I personally feel compelled to give 2 gifts if I attend both events. 

    I don't think it seems gift grabby to have a shower, but if it makes you uncomfortable based on some feedback from your friends, then decline. If you want/need those household items, put them on your registry, and people will give them to you as wedding gifts. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary

    I always give two gifts...shower and wedding (sometimes three, if there's also a bachelorette party).

    If I don't have the budget, I'll just RSVP "no" to the shower and bachelorette. Your "friends" have that option, too, if they don't like attending gift-giving events.

     

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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    I always give a gift if I attend a wedding related event - and one for each. A shower isn't considered gift grabby unless the bride throws it for herself or only registers for extremely expensive items. Your friends could go in on a gift together if they want to get something but don't want to spend a lot of money, but it's really up to them.
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  • JMalettasJMalettas member
    500 Comments 100 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    edited June 2013
     I also always do a gift for both the shower & wedding. If I can not attend the shower and am close to the bride, I will still send a gift. If I'm invited to a shower where I'm not close to the bride, (& can't attend), I usually don't send one. Otherwise, I bring a gift to the shower if I go, and my FI & I generally give a cash gift in a card to the wedding. :)

     *J
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  • csuavecsuave member
    500 Comments Third Anniversary 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    Aray82 said:
    mom and sisters have hinted that she'll probably be thrown a shower. I've loved attending both baby and bridal showers (for those times when I've actually lived near the bride or mom to be) and I've always appreciated the chance to catch up with old girlfriends and female family members in a more intimate setting than the wedding typically allows for. Some of my close friends, girls who would be invited to my shower if I had one, don't feel the same way about them--instead, they've grumbled about feeling like they have to get two wedding gifts when they received a shower invitation.
     
    As a related piece of advice, shower size can impact how much the guests enjoy a shower.  An intimate shower of 10-30 people can be very nice.  A shower with say 50 people can end up being hours of watching a bride open gifts and then kind of look like it is mostly about the gifts and maybe showers like this have contributed to some people's feelings about how much they like showers.
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  • Aray82Aray82 member
    500 Comments 250 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    That's a good point; the showers I've been to were all pretty small, which made the gifts not seem so much like the main event.
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  • HobokensFuryHobokensFury member
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    We always give boxed gifts for showers and money for the wedding.
     
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  • desertplaces12desertplaces12 member
    Seventh Anniversary First Comment
    This might be a regional thing, or just customs in different people's families or social circles, but I've always been told that you get a gift (preferably off the registry) for showers and a card with a monetary gift for the wedding itself. I've rarely seen boxed gifts at a wedding, but my fiance says that in his family it's fairly common. That said, I think both of our families customarily give a separate gift for both the shower and the wedding. I don't know if that helps, but I think the message here is to take your cues from what you've seen most often in your family and circles of friends.
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  • ashleyepashleyep member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    desertplaces12 said:
    This might be a regional thing, or just customs in different people's families or social circles, but I've always been told that you get a gift (preferably off the registry) for showers and a card with a monetary gift for the wedding itself. I've rarely seen boxed gifts at a wedding, but my fiance says that in his family it's fairly common. That said, I think both of our families customarily give a separate gift for both the shower and the wedding. I don't know if that helps, but I think the message here is to take your cues from what you've seen most often in your family and circles of friends.
    It's very regional. Some areas just do not give cash. But you can always order the gift for the wedding and mail it to them, you don't have to bring it to the wedding. In fact, I don't think you're supposed to bring it to the wedding.
    Anniversary
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