In a tricky situation I don't really know how to handle, and would love advice. (Sorry it's long.)
My fiance has two brothers who are both serving as best men, so I chose two maids of honor: one good college friend and one good high school friend who I've known forever and who I thought would be a great MOH. My high school friend currently lives in Ireland (and I'm in Washington DC), so we have always talked on the phone frequently or emailed, and see each other maybe once a year. Before my engagement, we were in contact probably once a week, or once every two weeks. I got engaged in December, and she started dating a guy not too long after, around January. Since the engagement, I have talked to her on the phone once, and she spent much of the call discussing what she plans to do at her wedding (although she is not engaged). She doesn't respond to frequent emails, texts, or Facebook posts, and they have not all been wedding related--my most recent one was just to check in and say that I hope things were going well for her. I'm very relaxed about this wedding and do not expect a lot from my MOHs or BMs, but I also didn't expect to be ignored. (And wedding aside--this would bother me even if I wasn't planning a wedding.)
She will not be able to attend the rehearsal dinner because her flight gets in that night. I'm slightly annoyed by that, because she has known the wedding date since December, but I didn't say anything about it. The problem is, we are having a Catholic mass and those ceremonies require the maid of honor to stand up front/participate in the marriage ceremony. So she won't be able to do that. I'm so grateful that I have a second MOH who has been amazing, but I am so frustrated with my other friend. I miss talking to her and I'm sad that she's been absent from a big part of my life. I guess I'll just have to send her a hearfelt email trying to figure out what the issue is, but since I feel like she's either (a) jealous that I am going to be married soon or (b) ignoring me in favor of her boyfriend, I feel disingenuous to pretend like I'm trying to figure out her radio silence.
I also feel like it's disrespectful to my other MOH, who has put so much time and effort into helping me with things and just offering support. My Ireland friend also does not respond to the other MOH. I'm also sad that, just as I thought I would be honored to have her stand up as my MOH, she doesn't seem to care that it is also an honor to be asked to be a MOH.
So I guess my question is, what is a tactful way of bringing up the fact that I am greatly hurt (but also very frustrated) by her sudden silence, and my confusion over her role? I am so confused about having her listed as a MOH because her role will be no different than a normal bridesmaid (and has actually been less than what other BMs have been doing), and she is unresponsive about things I need answers to (like whether I need to set aside time for a speech). I try to be as prepared for things as possible, and, just as an example, she has not told me whether she bought the BM dress or whether she does or doesn't want to give a speech. I don't expect a speech, but since I've heard nothing, is it safe to assume that she is not giving one? I have vendors asking me about schedules for the dinner, and it's becoming stressful. Also, do I need to buy a backup bridesmaid dress for her? Just things like this are driving me crazy.
I understand we are on different schedules, but she is very active on Facebook and has no problem pinning 50 wedding dresses/other wedding things on her wedding pinterest page, so that just adds insult to injury, at least in my mind.
I hope I'm not becoming a bridezilla/super self-centered. I don't think I am, but I just don't even know where to start with this. Please tell me if I'm being a crazy. Or give me ideas on how to handle this and avoid wedding day drama. Thanks!