There's going to be a gap

pbi9994 · June 2013

Our ceremony is going to be at noon, and will last less than thirty minutes because of some legalities in the city we're getting married. Unfortunately, the reception venue has refused to do a cocktail hour earlier than 4:00 PM. We are going to have a bus bring guests to the venue, and it's about a half hour drive. There is going to be a gap. There is nothing that we can do about that. I'm looking for something that can fill the guests time without being too taxing. Does anyone have any ideas of what we can do? I was thinking about doing a separate cocktail reception in the city, but that just might be too boozy. We are scrambling for any ideas that make it look seamless for those who want to celebrate the whole day, and for those who might want to step out for a little bit, that's cool too. They can meet everyone else at the bus at 3:30. I know gaps are generally not acceptable, but this is the hand we were dealt. I'm just trying to make it better. Thanks.

QueerFemme · June 2013

icecreamcono said:

Our ceremony is going to be at noon, and will last less than thirty minutes because of some legalities in the city we're getting married. Unfortunately, the reception venue has refused to do a cocktail hour earlier than 4:00 PM. We are going to have a bus bring guests to the venue, and it's about a half hour drive. There is going to be a gap. There is nothing that we can do about that. I'm looking for something that can fill the guests time without being too taxing. Does anyone have any ideas of what we can do? I was thinking about doing a separate cocktail reception in the city, but that just might be too boozy. We are scrambling for any ideas that make it look seamless for those who want to celebrate the whole day, and for those who might want to step out for a little bit, that's cool too. They can meet everyone else at the bus at 3:30. I know gaps are generally not acceptable, but this is the hand we were dealt. I'm just trying to make it better. Thanks.

What legality requires you to get married at noon? Pick a different venue.

itzMS · June 2013

You 100% absolutely need to push back your ceremony until 3:00 at the earliest.

AddieCake · June 2013

I wouldn't go. That gap is way too long.

pbi9994 · June 2013

There is one place in the city we are getting married, Florence, that allows civil ceremonies. The absolute latest they allow weddings is 1:00 PM. We are hoping for that time slot, but our planner has told us to expect a slot between 12-1. I'm aware that no one likes gaps. I don't like gaps. There will be a gap. I'm trying to fill it. Does anyone have any suggestions?

QueerFemme · June 2013

icecreamcono said:

There is one place in the city we are getting married, Florence, that allows civil ceremonies. The absolute latest they allow weddings is 1:00 PM. We are hoping for that time slot, but our planner has told us to expect a slot between 12-1. I'm aware that no one likes gaps. I don't like gaps. There will be a gap. I'm trying to fill it. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Pick a different ceremony location. I am 99.9% positive you can find somewhere or somehow else to get married, or pick a different reception location that would not mean your guests would be waiting around for 3 hours.

If you are aware that no one "likes" gaps, and you don't "like gaps, you should be more focused on eliminating the gap, instead of trying to fill it.

Negotiate with your venue to start earlier. Tell them you will cancel your contract and move the reception unless they can accomodate you. And mean it.

QueerFemme · June 2013

Basically, you are asking your guests to spend 8+ hours with you for your wedding. That's excessive. Wedding at noon, but cocktail hour doesn't start until 4pm, and theoretically, your reception would go from 4pm until 7, 8, 9pm. When they started the day before 12 to get to your ceremony.

What you are planning is rude. Even if you figure out some random activity to shove in the middle.

mariakhristine · June 2013

That's a tough situation to deal with, I'm so sorry!

One thought I had was, have you thought of just family/attendants at the ceremony, and just inviting people to the 4pm reception? That way, the gap is less of a big deal for other guests.

Otherwise, I can't think of how it will be all that seamless, unfortunately. There are things I can think of for people to do, but it might be pretty taxing for them. The things I thought of were:

--a guided tour through the city of places that might have meaning for you and your partner (maybe you can make a CD with your voices as guides that will take people through a driving tour of important places, and include funny stories?)

--have someone host a BBQ lunch (those are more affordable than a sit-down lunch)

I guess it comes down to what you can afford. Also, what will you be doing during that time? (I only ask because it might give us an idea of suggestions.)

QueerFemme · June 2013

@stagemanager14 and @liatris2010 it does look like it's Florence, Italy, based on OPs other posts. But, it was less than a month ago that she was still trying to decide between Italy or Ireland. Chances of invitations having already gone out are slim.

OP - Pick a different venue so you aren't being rude to your guests.

ETA: according to her other posts, we are nasty, and she wasn't going to post anywhere other than the DW board.

NOLAbridealmost · June 2013

icecreamcono said:

Our ceremony is going to be at noon, and will last less than thirty minutes because of some legalities in the city we're getting married. Unfortunately, the reception venue has refused to do a cocktail hour earlier than 4:00 PM. We are going to have a bus bring guests to the venue, and it's about a half hour drive. There is going to be a gap. There is nothing that we can do about that. I'm looking for something that can fill the guests time without being too taxing. Does anyone have any ideas of what we can do? I was thinking about doing a separate cocktail reception in the city, but that just might be too boozy. We are scrambling for any ideas that make it look seamless for those who want to celebrate the whole day, and for those who might want to step out for a little bit, that's cool too. They can meet everyone else at the bus at 3:30. I know gaps are generally not acceptable, but this is the hand we were dealt. I'm just trying to make it better. Thanks.

Can you not accept a SHRED of responsibility for this situation? There isn't "going to be" a gap. YOU are planning a gap. You weren't "dealt this hand." YOU chose the city where this event will take place---the ceremony time might be non-negotiable but unless there's some law that says you can't eat and drink at 1:00 in the afternoon, the gap is your doing. Period.

Move your reception up. Or find a different city to get married. And lose the victim mentality. The universe "deals you" bouts of disease, lay-offs, and twins. Poor planning causes gaps.

Dreamergirl8812 · June 2013

mariakhristine said:

That's a tough situation to deal with, I'm so sorry!

One thought I had was, have you thought of just family/attendants at the ceremony, and just inviting people to the 4pm reception? That way, the gap is less of a big deal for other guests.

Otherwise, I can't think of how it will be all that seamless, unfortunately. There are things I can think of for people to do, but it might be pretty taxing for them. The things I thought of were:

--a guided tour through the city of places that might have meaning for you and your partner (maybe you can make a CD with your voices as guides that will take people through a driving tour of important places, and include funny stories?)

--have someone host a BBQ lunch (those are more affordable than a sit-down lunch)

I guess it comes down to what you can afford. Also, what will you be doing during that time? (I only ask because it might give us an idea of suggestions.)

vsgal · June 2013

icecreamcono said:

Our ceremony is going to be at noon, and will last less than thirty minutes because of some legalities in the city we're getting married. Unfortunately, the reception venue has refused to do a cocktail hour earlier than 4:00 PM. We are going to have a bus bring guests to the venue, and it's about a half hour drive. There is going to be a gap. There is nothing that we can do about that. I'm looking for something that can fill the guests time without being too taxing. Does anyone have any ideas of what we can do? I was thinking about doing a separate cocktail reception in the city, but that just might be too boozy. We are scrambling for any ideas that make it look seamless for those who want to celebrate the whole day, and for those who might want to step out for a little bit, that's cool too. They can meet everyone else at the bus at 3:30. I know gaps are generally not acceptable, but this is the hand we were dealt. I'm just trying to make it better. Thanks.

Not taxing for your guests-- change the venues and lose the gap.
Any ideas on what we can do?--change the venues and lose the gap
Make it look seamless--change the venues and lose the gap.

mariakhristine · June 2013

It was an idea, dreamergirl. Please calm down.

itzMS · June 2013

Must be absolutely devastating to have a wedding in Italy! :-)

I would bet that guests are spending a pretty penny to attend the wedding...the least you can do is host them properly.

KatWAG · June 2013

I would not want something to "fill the time." I would most likely go back to the hotel and take a nap.

cmcole4509 · June 2013

Do you HAVE to have a cocktail hour? Just do a nice lunch instead of a dinner if you can't/won't change the ceremony venue. If this is in Italy the guests are obviously spending a ton of money to be there, so you should be considering them and what is easier on them.

alithebride · June 2013

why not have a wine tasting (I can rec some places) or a local foods/wine intro for a bit? i mean for crying out loud. you're in tuscany-take advantage of it.

what time of year?

STARMOON44 · June 2013

If I were a guest at this wedding, I wouldn't want anything to fill the gap. I'd either be resting in my hotel, enjoying a leisurely lunch, or sneaking in some sightseeing. But if your venue can't work with your timing, then it isn't your venue.

happyfor25 · June 2013

Exactly why are you even going to Italy? You said in another thread that you are getting legally married in CA and also have an AHR. You are expecting your family and friends to spend thousands of dollars to watch you pretend to get married and lying to them about the fact that you will already be married? Why not just honeymoon in Italy?

Peledreamsofrain · June 2013

Italy is just about the only place in the world I'd personally be ok with entertaining myself with a 3 hour gap. Engaging a random couple at a restaurant in a good chat will eat up at least 2 of your hours if you keep the conversation 'brief' (Italians, I love you, you're an awesome people!).

However, that's a personal opinion of an enthusiastic and seasoned traveler who has been to the location before. If that was the first time I was in the city and in Europe, I would wander for an hour, get lost, frustrated, and tired, then go to the hotel and sleep.

Find another venue. There are so many restaurants, museums, and outdoor public spaces that you are being excessively silly if you are claiming only one venue will do. Heck, the entire city would party with you if you set up camp in a public square. Gathering in public squares late at night to socialize is the cultural norm there.

QueerFemme · June 2013

happyfor25 said:

Exactly why are you even going to Italy? You said in another thread that you are getting legally married in CA and also have an AHR. You are expecting your family and friends to spend thousands of dollars to watch you pretend to get married and lying to them about the fact that you will already be married? Why not just honeymoon in Italy?

wait, what!?? you aren't even really getting married in Italy? So, you are asking people to come to a fake wedding in Italy and asking them to wait around for you for 3+ hours?

Um, no. Your whole plan is getting more and more rude.

happyfor25 · June 2013

@icecreamcono, I was hoping you would come back and answer my questions. I am honestly curious why you don't just have the ceremony with reception in CA and then honeymoon in Italy. If you plan to have a reception at home after your trip anyway, it would seem to just make more sense and save your guests a lot of money.

AddieCake · June 2013

I love it when the plot thickens.

SKPM · June 2013

FierceFemme said:

happyfor25 said:

Exactly why are you even going to Italy? You said in another thread that you are getting legally married in CA and also have an AHR. You are expecting your family and friends to spend thousands of dollars to watch you pretend to get married and lying to them about the fact that you will already be married? Why not just honeymoon in Italy?

wait, what!?? you aren't even really getting married in Italy? So, you are asking people to come to a fake wedding in Italy and asking them to wait around for you for 3+ hours?
Um, no. Your whole plan is getting more and more rude.

This appears to be the case:
http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/982227/the-timing-of-the-day

Dreamergirl8812 · June 2013

Oh lord.

Jen4948 · July 2013

Trainwreck to come!

Peledreamsofrain · July 2013

Wait till her family and friends find out that she's stealing their time and money for funsies.

There's going to be a gap

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