Wedding Etiquette Forum

No registry, just money! Enjoy :)

So, a family member of mine is getting married 20 some hours away in a couple weeks. Due to the doctor not allowing me to fly, my family won't be attending. When we got the invite, I noticed there was nothing about being registered anywhere. Another family member asked me if I knew where she was registered and I told them no but I'd try to find out. Then that family member texted me and told me she asked the bride's sister about the registry and her reply was, "Oh, they're not registered anywhere. They're hoping that no registry=they'll just get cash." I ignored it because I knew that that is just going to mean they're going to get a bunch of stuff that they don't want, because people don't always want to just give cash. The bride texted me later on and said "I understand there's been some confusion about the registry, just tell people we want cash. Thanks." UH WHAT!? I ignored that one and just said "haha, alright." My mom texted me today because we always do everything last minute and asked me about the registry. Knowing it was just my mom I said to her, "oh they don't have a registry, they just want cash." My mom then told me that she found a registry under their name at wal-mart, but there were only 3 items listed- a vacuum, a shoe organizer, and a visa gift card. (I didn't even know you could register for those.) My mom said she will just order her a vacuum and have it delivered to her house rather than give cash. She said anyone else in the family who asks about it, she will just tell them to send her a vacuum, too. ;)

Figured you ladies would enjoy this one. I'm SO thankful for this board because I've learned so much about what is right and what isn't right. 

Re: No registry, just money! Enjoy :)

  • She probably could have been a little more delicate in the way she explained they were hoping to just get cash, but other than that, this is exactly what we tell people to do...
  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary

    She could definitely be more subtle. "Oh, we're not registered. Please tell people we're saving towards a downpayment on a house" (or whatever).

    If you aren't comfortable gifting cash, send a nice picture frame with a gift receipt!

  • Why do people need to add the part about hoping for cash? Why isn't a "there's no registry" sufficient? They're coming across as very crass. Cash is implied and its universal. We get it. Don't treat us like we're idiots.
  • gmcr78gmcr78 member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    Pepper6 said:
    She probably could have been a little more delicate in the way she explained they were hoping to just get cash, but other than that, this is exactly what we tell people to do...

    Ditto this. 
  • Exactly! That was the part I was really meaning that was inappropriate. The way she was pretty much demanding that's what they get, rather than just accepting what they get!
  • I still don't see anything really inappropriate about this situation...except maybe your mom telling everyone to buy her a vacuum....
  • itzMSitzMS member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary

    I honestly don't get what you're worked up about.

    Everyone knows that if there is no registry, and you want to give a gift, you give cash and/or select a gift you think the couple will like. You don't buy something out of spite because they didn't register. Asking for cash was a little blunt, but you aren't obligated to give it.

    Like I said, send a silver picture frame or a crystal vase. Send the gift receipt.

  • The bride texted me later on and said "I understand there's been some confusion about the registry, just tell people we want cash. Thanks."

    Yeah, that was pretty tacky of the bride, IMO.

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  • I guess we view things differently, if SHE wanted cash- she should be the one to say so. Not make that everyone else's job. Asking for cash, from what I've read, is tacky. And that's exactly what she did. If she didn't want to register, so be it. Don't register. But her directing others to tell others that they just want cash, isn't right. 
  • And Pepper6, my mom was just kidding around. She would never do something out of spite. She just didn't want to play into the "tell people we want cash." 
  • So, a family member of mine is getting married 20 some hours away in a couple weeks. Due to the doctor not allowing me to fly, my family won't be attending. When we got the invite, I noticed there was nothing about being registered anywhere. Another family member asked me if I knew where she was registered and I told them no but I'd try to find out. Then that family member texted me and told me she asked the bride's sister about the registry and her reply was, "Oh, they're not registered anywhere. They're hoping that no registry=they'll just get cash." I ignored it because I knew that that is just going to mean they're going to get a bunch of stuff that they don't want, because people don't always want to just give cash. The bride texted me later on and said "I understand there's been some confusion about the registry, just tell people we want cash. Thanks." UH WHAT!? I ignored that one and just said "haha, alright." My mom texted me today because we always do everything last minute and asked me about the registry. Knowing it was just my mom I said to her, "oh they don't have a registry, they just want cash." My mom then told me that she found a registry under their name at wal-mart, but there were only 3 items listed- a vacuum, a shoe organizer, and a visa gift card. (I didn't even know you could register for those.) My mom said she will just order her a vacuum and have it delivered to her house rather than give cash. She said anyone else in the family who asks about it, she will just tell them to send her a vacuum, too. ;)

    Figured you ladies would enjoy this one. I'm SO thankful for this board because I've learned so much about what is right and what isn't right. 
    I think the bold part was the part she was referring to as rude.
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  • I do feel like now I need to clarify, I wasn't meaning that not having a registry is inappropriate. From what I've read and heard, not everyone will give cash if there is no registry. I know for a fact that if they aren't given enough cash as she wants, she will be upset. (Maybe that's why I'm seeing it as a bigger deal because I know her and know she will be rude and ungrateful if she doesn't receive what she feels is adequate.) I am meaning her directing us that "they just want cash" was the inappropriate part. The way she has phrased it and made it known, hasn't been the kindest. 

    Everyone is going to have differing opinions, and I respect all of them! I know that I'm not the only one who would see her directly stating to "just tell people we want cash" as not right so I shared this post. I wasn't meaning to offend anyone if they didn't have a registry because they wanted cash. I just believe that there are certain ways to go about things, and this one didn't go about too nicely.
  •  I noticed there was nothing about being registered anywhere. Another family member asked me if I knew where she was registered and I told them no but I'd try to find out. Then that family member texted me and told me she asked the bride's sister about the registry and her reply was, "Oh, they're not registered anywhere. They're hoping that no registry=they'll just get cash." I ignored it because I knew that that is just going to mean they're going to get a bunch of stuff that they don't want, because people don't always want to just give cash. The bride texted me later on and said "I understand there's been some confusion about the registry, just tell people we want cash. Thanks." UH WHAT!? I ignored that one and just said "haha, alright." My mom texted me today because we always do everything last minute and asked me about the registry. Knowing it was just my mom I said to her, "oh they don't have a registry, they just want cash." My mom then told me that she found a registry under their name at wal-mart, but there were only 3 items listed

    Your post confuses me, because it sounds like from the tone that not only did you not initially realize what no registry meant, but it sounds like you're judging her for it.
    ---

    I guess we view things differently, if SHE wanted cash- she should be the one to say so. Not make that everyone else's job. Asking for cash, from what I've read, is tacky. And that's exactly what she did. If she didn't want to register, so be it. Don't register. But her directing others to tell others that they just want cash, isn't right.

    Contradictions are making my head hurt... No, she shouldn't be the one to ask, because it IS tacky as you say. Letting VIPs know you're saving for XYZ is what you're supposed to do, in case anyone asks the VIPs... which is exactly how it worked out; you asked her sister. (also, she has no control over how her sister answers that question)



    Now, assuming there was no further communication between you and her sister other than what you say, and assuming her text was verbatim "just tell people we want cash. Thanks" then yeah, that isn't cool. She was doing everything right until then... So close! Yet so far.
  • auriannaaurianna member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited June 2013
  • And Pepper6, my mom was just kidding around. She would never do something out of spite. She just didn't want to play into the "tell people we want cash." 
    Good to know.

    As for the bride being the one to tell everyone, the reason behind it is in your OP.  You said a family member asked YOU about the registry, not the bride, which is more typical than you think.  So by telling you to tell the other guests that she wants cash, I doubt she was expecting you to contact anyone, but just to pass the info along if anyone else asked you.  I'm sure she said the same thing to anyone else who asked her directly.

    Of course, this gives you the option of passing that info along more tactfully so that if anyone else asks if you know where they're registered, you can just reply "Oh, she said they aren't doing a registry since they have most of what they need, but I'm sure they'd appreciate cash."
  • I guess I just misunderstood the yes' and no's of asking for money. I thought in all around ways it wasn't the right thing to do, no matter who you asked. 
  • phiraphira member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    I mean, you don't say, "Oh, we don't have a registry because we want cash." You say something like, "Oh, we don't have a registry. We are very fortunate to have just about everything we need here in our home, and we're just looking forward to celebrating with you."

    I mean, we're going to have a small registry BECAUSE we'd rather get money, but we're not going to tell people, "No presents, cash only!"
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  • NO REGISTRY does not mean WANT CASH ONLY.  We didn't register and we have wonderful, heartfelt gifts that represent the giver every time we look at them.  Like the Aunt Patsy crocheted afgan, the handpainted art, the handscupted angel, the collection of photo frames, the picnic set, the camera and photoprinter, etc.  My mother bought the washer/dryer and FI's parents bought the sofa. 

    This WANT CASH ONLY idea must be in another part of the country.  DH and I go to probably 3 weddings a year (we're both teachers) and I don't know of anyone who tells people that they want cash only.

  • NO REGISTRY does not mean WANT CASH ONLY.  We didn't register and we have wonderful, heartfelt gifts that represent the giver every time we look at them.  Like the Aunt Patsy crocheted afgan, the handpainted art, the handscupted angel, the collection of photo frames, the picnic set, the camera and photoprinter, etc.  My mother bought the washer/dryer and FI's parents bought the sofa. 

    This WANT CASH ONLY idea must be in another part of the country.  DH and I go to probably 3 weddings a year (we're both teachers) and I don't know of anyone who tells people that they want cash only.

    With all due respect Kristin, it sounds like you're not familiar with a lot of modern things. 
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited June 2013
    @blondiabia21, the bride didn't include registry info in her invitation because it's incredibly rude to do that!!! Then you heard third hand that no registry means cash. Don't blame the bride for how other people explain her wishes. @Kristin789, certainly no one would tell you they want cash!!! If the couple doesn't register, the general U.S. assumption is that cash is a perfectly acceptable gift. This does not mean they wouldn't treasure a hand crafted gift.
  • You received an invite to the wedding or to the shower? Wedding invites should never include gift information of any sort, including registry info.
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