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Save the Dates for Reception Only Invitations and how to illustrate informal

southernhellesouthernhelle
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in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My wedding is a small intimate event for close family members only (mothers, grandmothers, sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, 1st cousins). To clarify, there are no grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins on my side. So it is truly smaller than it sounds. The reception will follow that evening, and it looks to include 200-250 more distant relatives, co-workers, and friends (of course). The reception is at the Country Club, but will be a barbecue buffet, with a band (so hopefully with dancing!). Question 1: Do I send save the dates for Reception only? (I think yes...maybe?) Question 2: How do I illustrate this is a semi-informal event (i.e. I'm serving barbecue and playing disco music but don't wear jeans and sundresses.) when the event venue is a country club? I'm having a tough time. Please help! Thanks!
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Re: Save the Dates for Reception Only Invitations and how to illustrate informal

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    Blue & WhiteBlue & White member
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    I think you can wait till the invitations to indicate formality. But I would make it clear that it's a reception with BBq and dancing. But I still might wear jeans to a BBQ reception. So hopefully others will help

    And you're right: in my fam, your ceremony would have upwards of 70 people just on my side. In general, I think you're ok as long as the ceremony is only 25-35 people or so if your reception is 200-250. That's on the really lenient side.
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    delujm0delujm0 member
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    If you feel you need to indicate formality, do it on the invitations or your website.  My FI's cousin married a Swedish girl, and now shows up at EVERY wedding in the United States in jeans, because "that's what Europeas do."

    Never mind that we went to his wedding, IN SWEDEN, and no one there was wearing jeans.

    To be fair, inappropriate attire is generally only a reflection on that guest.  The person in my example is perfectly aware that these events are semi-formal, and his wife is always dressed appropriately.  It's more of an attention-grab than anything i think.  Unless your venue has a dress code, I wouldn't worry about guests' attire being a reflection on you.

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    cbrown828cbrown828 member
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    If I saw "Country Club" on an invitation, I'd get a good idea of the formality. No need to spell it out for everyone. I agree that you don't need STD's for reception invitees. If I got a save the date I'd expect to be invited to a wedding.
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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    I don't know of any country clubs that allow jeans. Check with your event contact at the club about dress code and if there is one, you may indicate it on the invitation. If not, indicate formality with your choice of invitations (inner envelope, heavy card stock, embossing, script, a calligrapher are all indicative of fancier invitations). For your situation I would not send STDs to reception only guests. You could tell them verbally if you want to but anyone you verbally invite must be invited to the wedding.
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    emeejeeayenemeejeeayen member
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    Dood, I'd totally wear jeans to a country club. No joke. Because I've never been to one. Country club, to me, sounds like a place where you wear your bathing suit under your jean shorts. 

    That said, I would never wear jeans to a wedding. 
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    kipnuskipnus member
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    aurianna said:
    Am I the only one that feels like sundresses would not be too informal for a BBQ reception??
    Nope, I'm with you. The BBQ at a country club is confusing.
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    Belle2188Belle2188 member
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    edited June 2013
    aurianna said:
    Am I the only one that feels like sundresses would not be too informal for a BBQ reception??
    Not at all.  I would never wear jeans to a wedding, but I also wouldn't show up to eat ribs in a cocktail dress.

    Maybe she meant more like beach-wear, though?
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    LavenderHoneyBeeLavenderHoneyBee member
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    I think you can illustrate everything you want with the wording on the invite something like Save the Date, She & Him are getting hitched and want to party with you. Invitation to follow. 
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    xxstardustxxstardust member
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    kipnus said:
    aurianna said:
    Am I the only one that feels like sundresses would not be too informal for a BBQ reception??
    Nope, I'm with you. The BBQ at a country club is confusing.
    I've done a BBQ at a country club (as a waitress, not as a guest). It was not your run of the mill BBQ. Ribeye burgers, grilled lobster tails, and grilled filet mignon, rather than hot dogs and barbeque'd chicken. A very high-end cocktail hour with fancy finger food.  Everyone was dressed for the occasion, no jeans in sight.

    I would normally assume BBQ = sundress, but the country club BBQ is a whole other ball game, apparently.
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    southernhellesouthernhelle
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    Thanks so much for all of the replies. I'm clear on the Save the Dates. The invites and wording (i.e. attire), not so much so. Some background: Our original venue was in a converted greenhouse (beautiful) that would better suit our style, but the owner pulled the bait and switch, and we had to find an alternative. The country club is our only other available option in the area. It's beautiful, but...a country club. We are using the vintage decorating style with mason jars, hydrangea, and burlap and will also decorate with vintage window frames candles, books, clocks, and so on. I'm hoping it will help. The food is buffet: pulled pork, baked beans, cornbread, chow chow, potato salad, macaroni, and fruit kabobs.

    So: how to word? I just want to make sure my guests know what to expect. I DON'T want them to dress formally because they expect it to be as such once they see the venue. 
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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
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    southernhelle said:
    Thanks so much for all of the replies. I'm clear on the Save the Dates. The invites and wording (i.e. attire), not so much so. Some background: Our original venue was in a converted greenhouse (beautiful) that would better suit our style, but the owner pulled the bait and switch, and we had to find an alternative. The country club is our only other available option in the area. It's beautiful, but...a country club. We are using the vintage decorating style with mason jars, hydrangea, and burlap and will also decorate with vintage window frames candles, books, clocks, and so on. I'm hoping it will help. The food is buffet: pulled pork, baked beans, cornbread, chow chow, potato salad, macaroni, and fruit kabobs.

    So: how to word? I just want to make sure my guests know what to expect. I DON'T want them to dress formally because they expect it to be as such once they see the venue. 
    Talk to your event contact at the club and ask if there is a dress code for the country club and events held there.

    If there IS a dress code, it's ok to state it in the invitations (i.e. "XYZ Country Club requires a dinner jacket.")

    If there is NOT a dress code, then you use the formality of your invitations to tell people how to dress (DO NOT list anything about clothing on your invitations). If you want them to dress formally, you have formal invitations. If you want them to dress casually you have more casual invitations. See above for how to make your invitations more formal if you want to.
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    Summer2011BrideSummer2011Bride member
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    How many people exactly will be at your ceremony vs. at your reception?

    As to the dress question, I would not say anything. I would not worried about people overdressing. People will likely dress up because it's a country club. I guess I'm confused because you say you don't want sundresses or jeans in your OP but later say you don't want them dressing formally. So what is it that you expect them to wear?


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