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XP: Wedding announcement for those not invited?

acanon526acanon526 member
Second Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I am having a VERY hard time getting my guest list down. I have a very large family, and unfortunately I can not afford to invite everyone nor do I want a wedding with 200+ people. I want to let the people who were not invited know that I still thought of them and somehow included them.   I have thought about sending an announcement type of letter with either an engagement photo or a photo from the wedding day. 

I want the wording to be very clear that I am not asking for gifts. So maybe saying something like "Mike and Allison plan to be married on ____ date in ___city during a private, intimate ceremony with close family and friends. While we are disappointed we could not include everyone in the day, we wanted you to share in our joy.We only ask that you send positive thoughts and prayers to us as we enter into our new journey together." 

Any ideas on the wording? Would you be offended to get an announcement like this? Should it go out before or after the wedding? Feedback would be helpful. Thank you! 
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Re: XP: Wedding announcement for those not invited?

  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Do not send anything beforehand. It's like saying "We're doing something awesome, but you can't come!  Just wanted to let you know!" 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • FizzySipsFizzySips member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Did you XP this in Invites/Paper? @cmgr will take care of you with the format Announcements are sent after the occasion (can be postmarked on your wedding day) and simply announce. No need to include "while we are disappointed..." it's rude to over emphasize that they weren't invited.
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    If you're going to send wedding announcements, do it after you get married. Preferably as soon as you can after the wedding. I would not make any mention of sending anything at all or the size/intimacy of your ceremony. It's better that you leave that off entirely. 
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  • ifeelgoodifeelgreatifeelwonderfulifeelgoodifeelgreatifeelwonderful member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    This reminds me of an article I read recently and I only still have the link because I thought it was so outrageous I shared it with my sister, I hope this isn't becoming a trend!

    'You're not invited' alerts: New wedding trend draws criticism
    http://www.today.com/style/youre-not-invited-alerts-new-wedding-trend-draws-criticism-1B8286599?franchiseSlug=stylemain

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  • hordolhordol member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Answer First Anniversary
    edited June 2013
    I agree with PPs that if you send anything, it definitely shouldn't be BEFORE the wedding. But honestly, if there were me, I would not send anything at all. It's almost like rubbing it in someone's face that they weren't important enough to you to be invited. If I had someone send me something like that and I wasn't invited to the wedding, I would just think "Yeah...I know...it was all over facebook" and then it would probably just be thrown in the garbage.

    edited to clarify
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  • TerriHuggTerriHugg member
    Fifth Anniversary 500 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer
    Have you thought about just getting an announcement published in the newspaper assuming they live in towns with the same paper. 
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  • Kate61487Kate61487 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its Name Dropper

    PPs have it covered that a mailed notification should be after, short and concise, etc.

    I just wanted to add that unless you've seen these from other family members (i.e. they are common in your circle) and/or you have a lot of family members who aren't on facebook (or you yourself are not on facebook) I would skip this.  News spreads fast, especially with social media.  Most of your family will probably know very quickly which makes the mailing seem like a bit of a gift grab.

    Engagement announcements in the newspaper are also still done by some.  So if a lot of your family's in the same area you could do that.

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  • SomethingBeautiful08SomethingBeautiful08 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    I agree with others.  Anyone that has been seriously involved in planning a wedding recently knows that they can be expensive and most couples can't invite everyone that they want to.  Sending out a "your not invited" mailing before the wedding is just rubbing their nose in the fact they weren't invited however valid your reasoning is.  If someone brings up that they aren't invited or if if someone not invited asks directly, you can explain basically what you said in person, but doing it on paper before the wedding is rude.

    Just as sense I got from your post... OP you are not a mean or horrible person for having 200+ people that you love and care about, but only want to spend your day with 50 or whatever your final number is.  Some of the others will be disappointed, but they will get over it. 
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  • misssunshine17misssunshine17 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    I think mailed announcements to people not invited to the wedding looks like a gift grab. 
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  • Kristin789Kristin789 member
    Sixth Anniversary 2500 Comments 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    Totally agree with fyrefly76.  We included "we got married" in our Christmas cards later that year.  That way, it cannot be seen as a gift grab - it's just one of the things that we did that year.
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  • AJuliaNJAJuliaNJ member
    Knottie Warrior 1000 Comments 250 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I guess I just don't see the point. People will find out you got married via word-of-mouth or Facebook. Why would you need to send them a specific card? I would be offended.
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