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When wedding party members don't get their outfits

emeejeeayenemeejeeayen member
1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
We tell folks here all the time that if a bridesmaid doesn't get her dress, she's taken herself out of the wedding party (assuming you discussed budgets ahead of time). 

What is the protocol if said bridesmaid doesn't actually know that no dress = no participation? How do you say, "I love you; you're my best friend, but if you're not wearing the right outfit, I don't want you to stand near me." ? Is there really a way to come out of that smelling like roses? (Or at least not feeling like an ass hat?)

(In my particular situation it's actually FI's groomsmen, but I'm curious in a more general way since we haven't quite hit that point yet.)
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Re: When wedding party members don't get their outfits

  • emeejeeayenemeejeeayen member
    1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    RetreadBride said:
    Say nothing.  He should know it, too.
    The boys are clueless. I cannot stress that enough. They definitely do not know. 
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  • Summer2011BrideSummer2011Bride member
    5000 Comments Third Anniversary 25 Love Its Combo Breaker
    I would have your FI handle the conversation. I would have him tell them, "Here is the absolute latest day you can order the tux/suit/whatever and still have it in time for the wedding."


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  • emeejeeayenemeejeeayen member
    1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    Summer2011Bride said:
    I would have your FI handle the conversation. I would have him tell them, "Here is the absolute latest day you can order the tux/suit/whatever and still have it in time for the wedding."
    Totally, I'm not getting involved.

    My question was more hypothetical because since I anticipate being in this situation at the time of the wedding, I was curious what the next steps were after you decide that if someone you care about isn't wearing the right clothing they don't get to participate in the wedding party activities. 
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  • SomethingBeautiful08SomethingBeautiful08 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    I think that they really have no clue, I think you are obligated to let them know prior to the wedding.  Please let them know that you will do what ever you can to help them fulfill that basic obligation.  Also make sure that they know that you don't expect anything besides their presence in the dictated attire.
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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    I just can't see doing this. I really can't imagine telling someone I cared enough about to want standing on the alter with me that the clothes were the deciding factor. I once attended a wedding where the maid of honor forgot her dress. I was just a guest, but mine was a similar color, so I lent it to her and borrowed something else to wear. She didn't fit in at all, and it didn't matter at all. Especially with groomsmen I can't see this being a big deal. There just aren't that many varieties of suit.
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  • emeejeeayenemeejeeayen member
    1000 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    FI chose light grey cotton because it's a summer wedding with an outdoor ceremony in California. Actually probably difficult to match, but alas. 
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  • STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
    Knottie Warrior 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    But, it doesn't really need to match? I mean, would you FI rather not have this friend involved, or have 3 groomsmen in light grey cotton suits and one in kakhis and a button down? It's not a fashion show.

    But, if this is more of a well if you can't even be bother just gettin the darn suit this mustnt matter to you very much type thing, I think you FI needs to be blunt, early and often. Guys, all you need to do is get the suit and show up on time. If you can't do that you cam watch from a pew.
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