People are tacky as hell

PMeg819 · June 2013

On the baby board I like to frequent, I am appalled at the number of people who are either planning their own shower or are having a shower for a second kid (and the first is like less than 4 years old). I know I shouldn't but damn.

Also- weddings.

6fsn · June 2013

Yep, tacky, but don't you know every kid should be celebrated!!! It's all about the kids!!

loveshine1 · June 2013

My friends and mother in law threw me a shower for this second one. Judge away.

It was nothing big, and MIL really wanted to do it. It was fun, and I got some stuff that I needed to replace.

VarunaTT · June 2013

I still don't get the big deal about this. I like going to baby showers for my friends and sharing in their excitement and making the diaper cakes. (I don't do shower games though). I don't care if it's kid 2 or 4 and it always makes me a little sad that once again, kid #1 gets the biggest deal.

alikatt17 · June 2013

Honestly, I'm just sick of getting invited to baby showers for some of DH's cousins who knocked up these chicks that already have at least one other baby daddy. I just don't go and MIL puts my name on the gift.

VarunaTT · June 2013

I do think that's different, ali. That's like when I get an invite for a wedding from someone who is 3rd cousin removed on DH's side or I haven't spoken to in 2 years, even on FB. It just feels gift grabby.

loveshine1 · June 2013

I wouldn't go to those either, Ali. Or any of those weddings where we don't even talk to the people getting married, friends or family. They either invited us out of obligation (our parents are friends, etc.) or because they want a gift out of us.

My in laws go to weddings/events like this.

PMeg819 · June 2013

Eh, my friend has mentioned throwing a small shower. If anything I'll tell her I'd rather just go out to dinner with all the girlfriends and if they want to get me a gift card that's fine. I don't want a shower. But honestly, LS, I am judging.

artbyallie · June 2013

I went to a shower for a third baby recently, but it was for my mom's cousin and it was her first girl. Everyone was dying to give her pink frilly crap.

ETA: Though throwing one's own is still the height of tacky.

Tomandlesley · June 2013

It is tacky to throw your own but some people don't have a choice. I was blessed to have three thrown for me for my first as a single mom that was awesome because I had an awesome support group. Now wheni get married and have another child I don't expect another one but I'm pretty sure my FI will insist on throwing one for to I baby

hmonkey · June 2013

Tomandlesley said:

It is tacky to throw your own but some people don't have a choice.

my face:

[Deleted User] · June 2013

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mrsconn23 · June 2013

I've thrown a shower for a second baby; when my now boss was pregnant with #2 and she was having a girl (#1 is a boy). No one asked me to, I just wanted to do it for her.

Heffalump · June 2013

PMeg819 said:

On the baby board I like to frequent, I am appalled at the number of people who are either planning their own shower or are having a shower for a second kid (and the first is like less than 4 years old). I know I shouldn't but damn.

Also- weddings.

PMeg, I'll join you in judging both.

zsazsa-stl · June 2013

If your closest friends and family want to have lunch while giving you presents for a 2nd or 82nd kid, that is fine. But don't go inviting people that you haven't seen since the first shower. Even if the mother and the host are cool with it, I guarantee that the invitees are not.

hmonkey · June 2013

or if someone just wants to give you gifts because they want to give you gifts, there is really no need to drag anyone else into it.

MissMolly · June 2013

VarunaTT said:

I still don't get the big deal about this. I like going to baby showers for my friends and sharing in their excitement and making the diaper cakes. (I don't do shower games though). I don't care if it's kid 2 or 4 and it always makes me a little sad that once again, kid #1 gets the biggest deal.

Yeah, I don't get this either. I have a girfriend, and I attended the shower for her 1st baby years ago. She's since had 1 more, and is about to have another. She's had showers for all of them. I don't get why only 1 baby should be celebrated, and any afterwards are almost treated as "extras".

ETA: I haven't been invited to her other showers, as I don't speak with her anymore. Not unfriendly; we just found that we have nothing in common since our last get-together where all she talked about was baby poop consistency, pooping patterns and breast feeding. Yeah, I have dogs, and talking openly about their bowel movement schedules just isn't something I do.

Heffalump · June 2013

Alesha1978 said:

VarunaTT said:

I still don't get the big deal about this. I like going to baby showers for my friends and sharing in their excitement and making the diaper cakes. (I don't do shower games though). I don't care if it's kid 2 or 4 and it always makes me a little sad that once again, kid #1 gets the biggest deal.

Yeah, I don't get this either. I have a girfriend, and I attended the shower for her 1st baby years ago. She's since had 1 more, and is about to have another. She's had showers for all of them. I don't get why only 1 baby should be celebrated, and any afterwards are almost treated as "extras".

ETA: I haven't been invited to her other showers, as I don't speak with her anymore. Not unfriendly; we just found that we have nothing in common since our last get-together where all she talked about was baby poop consistency, pooping patterns and breast feeding. Yeah, I have dogs, and talking openly about their bowel movement schedules just isn't something I do.

Saying that not throwing a repeat mom a shower is the equivalent of treating subsequent kids as "extras" is a false comparison. Just like weddings, you can have a second one (or more, in the case of my ILs) and friends and family will still celebrate with you. But just as with weddings, no one is entitled to have serial showers. No one is saying that people can't give you gifts--of course they will--but having full-on showers for subsequent babies (or marriages) is poor etiquette.

ETA: Also, your dog bowel movement comment is irrelevant. I won't defend her choice of conversation topics, but people who equate pets with kids when they don't know what they're talking about are tiresome. Pets =/= kids.

VarunaTT · June 2013

You're not entitled to the first one either, I have to point out.

But everyone is always excited to give/get the first one and then suddenly it's tacky after that for no more reason than you had another kid seems silly to me. Gift grabbing is always tacky no matter how it happens; throwing showers for appreciative people isn't gift grabbing.

Heffalump · June 2013

VarunaTT said:

You're not entitled to the first one either, I have to point out.

But everyone is always excited to give/get the first one and then suddenly it's tacky after that for no more reason than you had another kid seems silly to me. Gift grabbing is always tacky no matter how it happens; throwing showers for appreciative people isn't gift grabbing.

No, you're right, I didn't mean to imply that anyone is entitled to the first, either.

I don't know if this is just a semantic issue or what: again, I'm not saying that no one should ever receive a gift for any kid after their first. But a full blown shower seems kind of silly to me. What do people give? My kid is very nearly four, and I still have her car seats, strollers, high chairs, jumperoo, etc. Why do people need more of this stuff? I mean, I guess if you decide you don't like the old pack n play anymore or whatever, you're free to buy a new one, but I think of that more like I think of anything else: new dishes, new bedding, whatever. You replace it when wanted/needed, it's not an event in and of itself. By all means, give someone a cute outfit or toys or whatever, but a true shower seems redundant. And I don't understand equating a shower with enthusiasm. (Don't we chide beebees about this all.the.time?) No one is saying they don't care about a second kid, but by the second one, the baby infrastructure is already in place, you're no longer starting from scratch.

The horse is dead, I'll drop it.

People are tacky as hell

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