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Moms and Maids

For the love

Our wedding is themed around my fiance's career choice -- astronomy. Our invites are star-themed, our tables are named after constellations. One thing that I had mentioned that might be kind of neat is to have some members of my old concert band "introduce" us into the reception hall at the time we arrive. I thought it would be neat to have some trumpets there, doing a grand intro, then after the bridal party sits at the head table, they could do some sort of cool, jazzy number. Side note: I played in a semi-pro concert band for a few years, and the brass section was beyond amazing!! My FMIL decided that she needed to find an accordionist to do this same thing, and to also play during dinner, even though we already have music lined up for dinner. I have told her that she really doesn't need to do this, I'm looking into a group of people to do this, and we have dinner music lined up. She has spent months talking about this, and looking for an accordion player, without luck. I got on Google one day, and bam, in about 30 seconds, I found not 1, not 2, but a whole damn group of accordion players in our city! She is internet savvy-ish, and has a tablet. Anyways, I didn't mention this finding to anyone, as I would much rather have old band buds play. Fiance said tonight that she now wants to invite a family member whom she just found out plays the accordion. So, someone new is added to our list, and she is still intent on this damn accordion thing, even after telling her more than once that we have other plans. I don't know if my band friends can or will even be up for doing this, but am willing to pay them for it. I just don't know how many times a person needs to be told "no" before they actually hear it.
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Re: For the love

  • Having your old band mates play the music for introducing the bridal party is a cute idea. Two things to take into consideration though:

    1. Would these friends be guests at your wedding too? If so, unless they offer to do it, I'd either offer to pay them (as you suggested you might) or just hire someone else out all together and let your friends chill as guests.

    2. Make sure if the music essentially "follows" the bridal party to the head table, that there is some sort of break in it for your BP's dates to make their way to the table as well without feeling awkward. That, or perhaps each member of the bridal party can already have their date on their arm when they are introduced and make their way to the table together. Otherwise you have their dates standing around through a whole musical number before they feel like they can go sit down with their dinner dates.


    As far as your FMIL... is she paying by any chance? If she's not say, "I really appreciate your help on coordinating the music but FI and I have decided to go with XYZ. Oh my gosh! This bean dip is amazing. Have you tried it?"
    Stop talking to her about it. Close the subject. If it continues, have your FI intervene and tell her the same.
    Unless she's paying and there are strings attached.... if that's the case, you're going to have to work with her a bit.
  • Think of her as a two year old trying to get her way.Tell your FMIL 'NO, the music arrangements are final. We aren't going to discuss this issue again.' After that a firm 'NO' without further explanation should be offered. If she persists, leave or hang up. 

    Your fi should tell his mother that the DJ and MC have been informed that they shouldn't give the floor to any accordion players, just in case she's tempted to go behind your back. Why embarrass the relatives.
                       
  • aurianna said:
    Having your old band mates play the music for introducing the bridal party is a cute idea. Two things to take into consideration though:

    1. Would these friends be guests at your wedding too? If so, unless they offer to do it, I'd either offer to pay them (as you suggested you might) or just hire someone else out all together and let your friends chill as guests.

    2. Make sure if the music essentially "follows" the bridal party to the head table, that there is some sort of break in it for your BP's dates to make their way to the table as well without feeling awkward. That, or perhaps each member of the bridal party can already have their date on their arm when they are introduced and make their way to the table together. Otherwise you have their dates standing around through a whole musical number before they feel like they can go sit down with their dinner dates.


    As far as your FMIL... is she paying by any chance? If she's not say, "I really appreciate your help on coordinating the music but FI and I have decided to go with XYZ. Oh my gosh! This bean dip is amazing. Have you tried it?"
    Stop talking to her about it. Close the subject. If it continues, have your FI intervene and tell her the same.
    Unless she's paying and there are strings attached.... if that's the case, you're going to have to work with her a bit.
    Thanks, ladies!

    Auriana...

    1. No, they wouldn't be wedding guests, but would be there only to play. I've gotten back in contact with the band manager, to see where things stand, and I have offered to pay them for their time and talents.

    2. I think that the spouses of the BP members will probably already be sitting at this point. In my mind, I'm just picturing the BP entering the reception area.

    3. This is something that would be a free service for FMIL, as she is related to the young gal who would be doing the accordion playing. I'm not sure of the relation: niece, I think. And to be honest, when the subject came up many times in the past months, I stated my case ("we already have something lined up for dinner music", and "I'm looking into my old band friends doing this"), and then changed the subject. Fiance doesn't remember me telling her the latter, and he told me last night that he actually doesn't really want an accordion player either, but has yet to tell his Mom this. A part of me wants to stand my ground, and the other part says, "she's finally excited about something to do with our wedding; let her have her fun". And besides, my family got their way for a lot of the day, why shouldn't his.
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  • edited June 2013
    Why? I'l tell you why. My husband's family is Ukrainian. There was child in each branch of this huge family tree that could play 'Lady of Spain' on the accordion, but not very well. My husband was that child in his family. He remembers the bored looks on his aunts and uncles faces and the cousins teasing him as they ran off to play. His mother beamed proudly, clapping along out of rhythm to his slow rendition of 'Lady of Spain.' Is that what you envision for your wedding?

    And here's another reason. It's your wedding. Tell your fi to man up and tell his mother that it's not going to happen. 
                       
  • Why? I'l tell you why. My husband's family is Ukrainian. There was child in each branch of this huge family tree that could play 'Lady of Spain' on the accordion, but not very well. My husband was that child in his family. He remembers the bored looks on his aunts and uncles faces and the cousins teasing him as they ran off to play. His mother beamed proudly, clapping along out of rhythm to his slow rendition of 'Lady of Spain.' Is that what you envision for your wedding?

    And here's another reason. It's your wedding. Tell your fi to man up and tell his mother that it's not going to happen. 
    Hey, FMIL's family is Ukrainian too! And no, that's not at all what I envision for our day. For this, I envision something funky, lively and really... trumpet-y! FI mentioned talking to his Mom about this. Apparently, she doesn't want to step on anyone's toes, but if that were the case, why didn't she open her ears and listen months ago. Oh well, it's only a day, it's only a day. Then, the exciting part.... honeymoon!
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  • My MIL is hard of hearing, too ; )



                       
  • MissMollyMissMolly member
    Third Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    edited June 2013
    Oh, she is. She really, really is! It becomes apparent when she asks me things more than once. :-)

    ETA: I should also add that my own Mom is the same way... she asks questions, but doesn't really hear the answers. Schmeh, I love her anyways!
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  • Hahaha. I'm a recent MOB. My kids tell me that I need to get my hearing checked, and I probably do. 
                       
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