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Pastor Invite

rel1988rel1988 member
250 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer First Anniversary
in Wedding Etiquette Forum

I'm posting this here vs the religion boards because there's more traffic.

FI and I are pretty active in our church. We know our Pastor and his wife well enough...not hang out outside of church activities but we see them and have friendly conversations. We have been there a year and are currently having pre-counseling sessions with him so we've gotten to know him even more.

Obviously he will be at the rehearsal so we will extend an invite to the RD to him and his wife (even his 3 kids are welcome). We are more than willing to invite them to the wedding also and would love for them to stay. I am just hesitant that they will feel obligated to give us a gift, which we do not want from them. Would you invite them? Also, we do not have their address. Would it be ok to hand him an invite (with a RSVP card including postage)? Or should we just mail it to the church office?

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Re: Pastor Invite

  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If you want to invite them, you should find out their home address and send them their invitation there.  Don't worry about the gift.  You don't have to keep it-you can donate it to charity, but don't tell them to donate to charity on your behalf.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    We did, one came and the other did not due to location & time (we had a dual language ceremony which is why we had two pastors).
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  • Kate61487Kate61487 member
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    inviting the officiant in a religious ceremony is very common - I doubt they'll feel obligated to give a gift unless they always do, in which case let them.  I'd definitely invite them (sending to the church address is fine, IMO).  

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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    StageManager14 said:
    Yes, invite them.  I would mail it to the church office.
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  • wittykitty14wittykitty14 member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper

    I would invite him too, since you have a personal relationship with him.

    We invited our priest, and we just hand delivered the invitation during one of our meetings.

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  • rel1988rel1988 member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer First Anniversary
    Great thanks everyone! I'm going to go ahead and mail it to the church office.
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  • SunriseAmberSunriseAmber member
    500 Comments 25 Love Its Second Anniversary
    Okay, i have a question relating to this post. We aren't really close to our pastor but we do attend church every Saturday. One of the Pastors will be officiating at the ceremony so how do we ask him to stay? Do we ask him to stay? What about his wife? And would it be weird to ask him to stay since we don't really interact?
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    SunriseAmber said:
    Okay, i have a question relating to this post. We aren't really close to our pastor but we do attend church every Saturday. One of the Pastors will be officiating at the ceremony so how do we ask him to stay? Do we ask him to stay? What about his wife? And would it be weird to ask him to stay since we don't really interact?
    Issue him and his wife an invitation.  As they're married, they have to be invited together.  But even if they accept (which they may not do), they may not stay.
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  • LAM524LAM524 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer

    rel1988 said:

    I'm posting this here vs the religion boards because there's more traffic.

    FI and I are pretty active in our church. We know our Pastor and his wife well enough...not hang out outside of church activities but we see them and have friendly conversations. We have been there a year and are currently having pre-counseling sessions with him so we've gotten to know him even more.

    Obviously he will be at the rehearsal so we will extend an invite to the RD to him and his wife (even his 3 kids are welcome). We are more than willing to invite them to the wedding also and would love for them to stay. I am just hesitant that they will feel obligated to give us a gift, which we do not want from them. Would you invite them? Also, we do not have their address. Would it be ok to hand him an invite (with a RSVP card including postage)? Or should we just mail it to the church office?


    Is there a church directory with his address in it? Also, are donating money/paying him to officiate?


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  • LAM524LAM524 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    SunriseAmber said:
    Okay, i have a question relating to this post. We aren't really close to our pastor but we do attend church every Saturday. One of the Pastors will be officiating at the ceremony so how do we ask him to stay? Do we ask him to stay? What about his wife? And would it be weird to ask him to stay since we don't really interact?
    Extend a formal invite via mail. Whether you "interact" with them or not, its a lovely gesture and very common.

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  • kryan32kryan32 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper

    Oh man, I just assumed our officiant would stay for the wedding - I didn't realize I needed to send her an invitation...  Wedding is a little less than 7 weeks away - should I still send it?  Or should I just call her and say I didn't realize and we hope she'll stay? 

     

     

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  • Xstatic3333Xstatic3333 member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    I'd send it @kryan32, we're still in the invitation window.

    I don't know my pastor well but invited him and his wife to the RD and reception. I hand delivered but mailing is probably better. Church office never occurred to me and I was too chicken to ask for the home address!
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  • LAM524LAM524 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    kryan32 said:

    Oh man, I just assumed our officiant would stay for the wedding - I didn't realize I needed to send her an invitation...  Wedding is a little less than 7 weeks away - should I still send it?  Or should I just call her and say I didn't realize and we hope she'll stay? 

     

    You are fine! :) Send it and if she has a SO, of course include him! Congrats and best wishes!!

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  • rel1988rel1988 member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer First Anniversary
    LAM2228 said:

    rel1988 said:

    I'm posting this here vs the religion boards because there's more traffic.

    FI and I are pretty active in our church. We know our Pastor and his wife well enough...not hang out outside of church activities but we see them and have friendly conversations. We have been there a year and are currently having pre-counseling sessions with him so we've gotten to know him even more.

    Obviously he will be at the rehearsal so we will extend an invite to the RD to him and his wife (even his 3 kids are welcome). We are more than willing to invite them to the wedding also and would love for them to stay. I am just hesitant that they will feel obligated to give us a gift, which we do not want from them. Would you invite them? Also, we do not have their address. Would it be ok to hand him an invite (with a RSVP card including postage)? Or should we just mail it to the church office?


    Is there a church directory with his address in it? Also, are donating money/paying him to officiate?


    No directory, I just mail it to his office. He hasn't mentioned a fee so yes we will be donating $ to him.
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  • SomethingBeautiful08SomethingBeautiful08 member
    Third Anniversary 100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    I handled several "awkward" invites by hand writing notes to those people and including it with the invite.  We sent one to our pastor and his wife with a note, "Thank you in advance for officiating our special day.  We would love to have you and your wife celebrate with us afterwards."  I don't think his wife could make it, but he stayed for a good chunk of our reception... though it helped that we had a lot of church folks there, including one of the other ministers.
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  • kryan32kryan32 member
    100 Comments 25 Love Its Name Dropper

    Thanks for the good advice!  Added a little note to the invitation for our officiant and her husband  - it'll go out in the morning mail...

     

     

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  • rel1988rel1988 member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer First Anniversary
    @SomethingBeautiful08 that is a great idea!! Definitely will be adding in the note
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