Invitation wording: Joint shower

aurianna · June 2013

A coworker asked my advice on this one and I'm scratching my head.
Her sister and her cousin (her mom's sister's daughter) are getting married a month apart. So her mother, her cousin's mother and the girls' other mutual aunt have decided to throw them a joint shower.
The joint shower is happening and I cannot suggest otherwise.

So now the family is concerned that people will feel like they need to bring presents to both girls despite possibly only knowing only one of them (a different subset of friends, and perhaps some relatives from each of their father's sides). The guest list has been decided on and I cannot suggest otherwise.

So my coworker is asking advice on what kind of note, if any, to put in the invite to let people know they shouldn't feel obligated to bring a present to the bride they don't know.
She can't think of a good way to phrase it and I'm guessing there isn't one.

How would you handle this situation?

ETA:
I said I'd go with "word of mouth" if possible. Or possibly have different invites for people who'd only know one person.

daria24 · June 2013

Personally I feel like a joint shower only works if all the guests are invited to BOTH weddings. If the family wants to go ahead with this, I would only invite their own family members, since they would most likely be invited if there were two separate events.

Is your coworker co-hosting this event? If she isn't, quite frankly I would tell her not to worry about it, if the hosts are demanding this cockamamie scheme, they can figure it out. I'd probably just spread it via word of mouth because there is no polite wording that comes to mind.

aurianna · June 2013

NYUgirl100 said:

Can you suggest they come up with three sets of invites -- one with girl A's name, one with girl Bs and one set with both names for maternal relatives. --

As in you are invted to shower for Girl A

blah blah blah

I mentioned this to her. I hear her on the phone with her mom right now... I'm not sure that suggestion is going over well.

aurianna · June 2013

I'm pretty sure she's helping with the hosting. Her mom is definitely involving her in either case.
The joint shower is set as is the guest list. My co-worker has no control over that, unfortunately. She agrees it's not a great boat to be in.

aurianna · June 2013

Well, there is one aunt hosting who is the mutual aunt of both and the mother of neither. She may be the ring-leader; I don't know.

I think we've gotten her mom off the idea of posting something printed and official in all the invites.
They might write individual handwritten notes to the people they know saying not to worry about it....

southernbelle0915 · June 2013

This. Sounds. Like. A. Trainwreck.

If invitations have not gone out and they are still thinking about how to word them, it's not too late to change this. Even if people are coming from out of town, it's not too late to change this. Even if you have two showers in the same weekend it's not too late to change this.

Bride A has her shower on Saturday

Bride B has her shower on Sunday

Guests invited to Bride A's wedding are invited to her shower (via separate invitation) and guests invited to Bride B's wedding are invited to her shower (via separate invitation). Honestly, I don't see any reason other than stubbornness why this can't be changed.

NOLAbridealmost · June 2013

Frankly, your co-worker should decline to co-host this event. She can offer to host a separate shower if she feels obligated/wants to give either or both of the brides a shower. That's really the only suggestion I have other than "scrap the joint shower" or "only invite those who are invited to both weddings to the shower" that makes any sense at all.

aurianna · June 2013

alisonmarie658 said:

I once attended a shower for THREE couples (all cousins getting married within a few months of each other) and the vast majority of the other guests were the family of the cousins getting married. When the invite came it said "family shower honoring these three couples" (like a mini-family reunion, men went and played poker upstairs, while the girls opened gifts) but we only got the registry information for the one couple that we knew (on a separate card from the invitation).

This is a really good idea.

Coworker thinks it might be a train wreck too. I think she's mostly just helping her mom at this point. (her mom was the one that really wanted help with the wording).
She's just a guest. She'll pack her parachute.

aurianna · June 2013

dp

kipnus · June 2013

That sounds super awkward.

loca4pook · June 2013

If minds cannot be changed, I think I would just have two sets of invitations. one for bride a's guests, and another one for bride b. That way, that guests won't really feel obligations to buy for bride they don't know, as they won't know ahead of time that it is a shared shower..

I would try to point out to them again that it is "ripping off" each bride to have to share this special moment by forcing them to share it. ...perhaps phrasing it to them THAT way might help? (kinda play the bridezilla comment FOR them to help them out a little)

ELM12345 · June 2013

My church did a joint shower for two members. One shower started at 1, the other started at 4. The hostesses saved money by using the same decorations. It worked well.

aurianna · June 2013

The problem is that there may be a lot of people at the shower for both girls and they don't want to ask the same women to essentially spend their entire Saturday at showers.

My friend gave the registry card suggestion to her mom and then stepped away from it.
What I think is happening is in any invite that will be going towards someone who only knows one bride, the hostess that is closer with that person is going to add a hand written note in the invite that says something like "Suzy Q, Bettsy is having a shower with Gertrude but it is for logistical reasons. Please do not feel compelled to bring a gift for Gertrude if you decide to attend."

I still think it's really presumptuous and awkward, but I think it's a step above printing something generic directly on/with the invite, which I think was the direction they were going in initially.

The invitations have been ordered.
I don't think it's a good idea. My friend knows I don't think it's a good idea and she's not crazy about it either. But they're pushing forward with it. I'll be interested to hear how it goes...

aurianna · June 2013

dp

Invitation wording: Joint shower

Re: Invitation wording: Joint shower

Choose Another Board

Search Boards