We both come from large families with a lot of siblings (I'm the middle of 5, he's the 3rd of 4), and neither of us have been married before. Ironically we are both the "last" of any of our sibs to get married, so thankfully we have a pretty good idea of what we're getting into. His family has been down right AMAZING! Every time we turn around someone or another is offering help. His sisters are already planning a couples shower (even though we still have over a year to go), his parents and Aunt are mock arguing over who gets to watch the kids over our honeymoon. In short, over the moon with happiness for us, and fully supportive. What has shocked and hurt me deeply is that my family has been neutral at best, and in some cases borderline hostile!
When we told my parents that we had decided to get married, the news was greeted with a roll of the eye and a shoulder shrug. My Mom flat out asked why we even wanted to bother. My Dad doesn't want to walk me down the aisle, and I can forget a Father/Daughter Dance. My sister threw a fit when I asked if my niece could be the flower girl (even though I had already said that I would pay for anything needed), and my brother has already said he's not going because we don't plan on serving alcohol at the reception. What hurts the most though is that after my Mom turned down several invitations to go Dress shopping with me, I finally went with a couple of my bridesmaids, and amazingly found my dress. So because she wasn't with me when I found it, my Mom isn't speaking to me, and my Dad mentions how incredibly hurt she is, every time I talk to him. It doesn't seem to matter what I do, or say, no apology is enough.
I don't know what to do, all I wanted was for them to be happy for me. We aren't asking them to pay for anything, but we are still TRYING to include them in the planning. Every time I ask for an opinion the topic gets changed, or I get "the Look". I know that they like my fiancee, and every time I ask if I have offended in some way, I'm told everything is fine, so why do I feel like I'm getting pushed aside on this? I feel like I'm being this terrible inconvenience to them, and that I should quit trying. I'm getting so stressed about this that I can't sleep well. Is it really asking too much to want my family to be involved even if it's at a very basic level?