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Infant Invite? Otherwise Childless Wedding...

FizzySipsFizzySips member
100 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Our invites are out and we decided on a completely childless wedding (inner envelopes were addresses to the adults in the couple by name, or if single to adult and guest). One of our invited couples has an infant. She will be under 6 months old at the time of the wedding. We got an email inquiry about whether or not the invite included the baby. If we decide to open up the invite to include the baby (and we would do this because she is so young, is the first child of this couple, AND their parents both live out of town) do we need to allow for other babies to attend? The rest of the babies will be at least 9 months old by the wedding date. I don't want it to look like we are playing favorites, but in my (childless) mind, there is a big difference between a 5.5 month old and a 9 month old. Thanks for your thoughts and perspectives!
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Re: Infant Invite? Otherwise Childless Wedding...

  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I don't think you need to allow other babies to attend, or for that matter this one, but if saying no means that people will refuse to come, it appears to me that you'll need to consider how important it is to you that they come, and what can be done with the babies during your wedding.
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  • AprilH81AprilH81 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    I don't have kids, but my sister has three.  :)  

    There is NOT a big diference between 6 and 9 months.  The 9 month old may be crawling depending on his/her development, but they will both still cry if they need something or are unhappy and you can't reason with them.  They are very sensitive to changes in schedule at that age.

    Leaving kids with babysitters that age is difficult, even when family is taking care of them.  If you allow one infant you need to allow them all if you are asked.  Many couples will try to get a babysitter but you never know.  

    Where does this friend fit in the "circle"?  Are they local?  Out of town?  You could allow "out of town guests" to bring kids without an issue.
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  • wittykitty14wittykitty14 member
    1000 Comments 250 Love Its Name Dropper

    Ditto April's questions.

    Is this 5.5 month old child still breast-feeding?

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  • PookiesonPookieson member
    500 Comments Third Anniversary 25 Love Its First Answer
    edited June 2013

    There is not a huge difference between a 6 and 9 month old.  If she is breast feeding I'm sure she can pump (I understand that some women feed exclusively from the breast).  You don't NEED to invite this child for any etiquette reason.  If she is breast feeding exclusively it would be nice of you to include those children, but you will have to include them all, not just this one.  We invited children that were close to us and we did include a couple of kids that were with out of town guests. 

    Personally, I would never ask if I could bring a child to a wedding that was obviously adults only.  It is not any easier or harder for me to find a babysitter now that my child is 6 years old vs when she was 6 months.  If they want to attend and can find a sitter they will come, if they can't or do not want to leave little Jimmy that long...they will not attend.  That is a decision you make when you decide to have a "kid-free" wedding or even a "limited-kid" wedding.  It is not wrong, but understand there will be some people who do not attend for this reason.

    *edited for clarity

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    June 1, 2013 - finally making it official!

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  • MrsMack10612MrsMack10612 member
    Tenth Anniversary 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer

    We too had a 99% adult wedding.  Our only child (not counting 16+) was our 7 yo flower girl.

    We had two couples who had babies, a 9mo and 1mo twins.  If it had been necessary, we would have allowed them to bring them.  Their presence was more important than no kids.  I think it can depend on how important these folks are to you.

    It can absolutely be handled on a case by case basis.  If no one else asks, no problem. 

     

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  • saraboppsarabopp
    10 Comments Name Dropper

    Our rule is only my niece and nephews. A friend is flying in with her 1 month old, and another friend with a 7 month old, so we decided that all breastfeeding babies can be invited.

    FI's cousin (who I never met) has a 3 year old that most of the family hasn't met because they live far away. They want to bring him to the wedding. We said no. FI's aunt is in town and harassed FI about bringing the little boy. FI was firm and offered to help find a sitter. Turns out that the cousin refused to have kids at his wedding and is giving us a hard time. Thee year olds are way less predicable than an infant and we don't know this kid.  

    I think that it is totally up to you. I am glad that FI held his ground and we are totally comfortable with only the kids in the WP (niece and nephews) and tiny babies being invited.  

    It's your wedding and you can invite who ever you want! It is purely you and your FI decision. It's no ones business if you invite one baby and not the other and you shouldn't have to explain your decisions.

    Good luck!

     

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  • FizzySipsFizzySips member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper

    Thanks for all of your thoughts... To answer your questions... they are local to the wedding, and are closer friends with FI than me (but not VIPs). I didn't get the impression that they explicitly wouldn't attend if the baby cannot come. I'm not sure if she's a breastfed baby or not.

    I basically don't want to open up invites to all kids if we allow this one infant, but don't want to be seen as unreasonable.

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  • rel1988rel1988 member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer First Anniversary
    I agree with MrsMack10612 I would handle it on a case by case basis. The only young children that will be at our is our 6 and 7 year old flower girls. One of our GM just had a baby and he will only be 3 months at the time of the wedding. If they ask, of course they can bring him. Our other friends have a 10 month old. Same thing goes for them. I didn't include them on the invites because knowing our friends they are going to want an adult night away anyways and wouldn't bring their kids.
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  • aphrodite0869aphrodite0869 member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
    If you do not want children as your wedding, then it is not rude to open up the wedding to this child.  Younger infants do need more care but if they want to attend they can get a babysitter.  If they are not comfortable with leaving their child they will decline.  Since they are not VIP's I would just tell them.  It was nice to them to at least ask instead of inviting the baby without asking.  If you do not want children, it is your wedding so you do not have to allow the children.  But if you do allow for one child it is rude for you not to allow all babies.  People may wonder why their children are not invited (I wouldn't but others may).  it's up to you!
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  • twotimemobtwotimemob member
    100 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Love Its
    I would certainly allow parents to bring their 5 month old, regardless of breast feeding situation.
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