Dear Prudie,
I have an older relative in his mid-40s, who is, for lack of a better
term, a creeper. His mother was a wonderful woman with one huge blind
spot: her youngest son. She babied him incessantly and supported him
financially. He never moved out of her home, is socially stunted, and
though friendly on the surface, can be a huge temper-tantrum-throwing
man-boy. Unfortunately he also has a habit of stalking women. We’re not
aware of any violence, but he will frequently fixate on a woman, usually
a polite co-worker, waitress, store clerk, etc. He then drops by often
and uninvited, brings little gifts, and talks constantly about this
nonexistent relationship. When he is rebuffed, he will follow the woman
after work until she complains to management, at which point he is fired
or banned from the place of business. The family is at a loss as to
what to do. After his mother died, the very first thing he did was
change all the locks on her house and vehemently tell all family members
that nobody was allowed on "his" property. Unwilling to make a fuss,
everybody has respected this, and not a single person has even attempted
to set foot in that house in over three years. Last week he was in an
accident that shattered several bones. His sister rushed to the scene
and his first words to her were, "If I have to stay in the hospital, I'd
better not catch anybody in my house!" At the hospital, he asked for a
phone charger and ear buds, and when his brother offered to pick them up
at the house, he demanded a new set be purchased—and they were. He was
told he could convalesce at home, which was made completely
handicap-accessible for his mother, but he refused to have any family
members or caregivers come there. So he is going to a rehab facility
four hours away for several months. He has demanded his siblings
purchase all new clothing and toiletries for him so they don’t go in the
house. I have two questions: 1) What do we do about his behavior? 2)
What are your thoughts on poking around his house while he's in rehab?
His paranoia and the news about the Cleveland captives has me a little
concerned that there is evidence of violence or really unhealthy
obsession there or worse.