20 Ways To Not Ruin Your Friend's Wedding

Gisellerina · June 2013

From an Essence magazine article - would post a link if: a. I knew that linking was allowed and b. I knew how to post links. Hopefully a more literate knottie can help.

My favorites were #12 "Don't write a bad check" and #16 "Don't order two entrees". Do people really need to be told not to write a bad check as a wedding present? I didn't know that it was ever acceptable to write a bad check . . .

(P.S. #1 - "Don't wear red or white to the wedding" made me LOL and think of a few knotties . . .)

aphrodite0869 · June 2013

you can just copy and paste the link if you want.

AllyIdo · June 2013

Never heard about the red rule. Don't wear red to a funeral - I get that. But to a wedding? Why not? Because you'll stand out? Come on!

Gisellerina · June 2013

Yay! Link:

http://photos.essence.com/galleries/20-ways-not-ruin-your-friends-wedding/?slide=329036

Hope this entertains a few of you too!

aphrodite0869 · June 2013

It did entertain me. I just recently went to a wedding a few weeks ago and there were many of these "rules" broken. Dress code esp. People were in shorts and blue jeans. It was weird.

annathy03 · June 2013

allyscud said:

Never heard about the red rule. Don't wear red to a funeral - I get that. But to a wedding? Why not? Because you'll stand out? Come on!

I've never heard of that either. I've heard not to wear all white/ivory out of consideration for the bride and, if it isn't black tie, not to wear all black b/c it looks like you're dressing for a funeral instead of a happy occasion.

But seriously who would ever intentionally write a bad check?

NYCBruin · June 2013

allyscud said:

Never heard about the red rule. Don't wear red to a funeral - I get that. But to a wedding? Why not? Because you'll stand out? Come on!

When I was researching photographers, one of the photographers had a blog post that included the suggestion that brides ask their guests not to wear red because it was distracting in the back of photographs or something like that. I immediately crossed him of the list of potentials!

erinlin25 · June 2013

I wore red to a wedding twice-- did not take any attention away from the bride.

AddieCake · June 2013

So you can't wear red, but what about some kind of neon yellow? That would be ok?

KeptInStitches · June 2013

I wore red to a wedding last fall. Didn't make a speck of difference - the groom commented on my good taste (one of the colors was red, but I swear I didn't know that when I picked the dress).

NYCBruin · June 2013

AddieL73 said:

So you can't wear red, but what about some kind of neon yellow? That would be ok?

So many unanswered questions. I think the safest choice is to just pick out the clothes that every guest wears and mail it with the invitation.

gmcr78 · June 2013

I wear red to weddings all the time. I'm such a harlot.

The only time I ever worried about it was when I went to a Christmastime wedding, so I checked with the bride to see if her BMs were wearing red (they weren't). My red dress was actually a BM dress from David's Bridal, so I wanted to make absolutely sure her BMs weren't wearing the exact same dress.

Dreamergirl8812 · June 2013

"If a bride and groom have taken the time to specify a dress code for their big day, it's probably because they have a vision in mind for the optics or there are certain requirements for their venue."

vineheart137 · June 2013

Oh darn. I like to write bad checks when I go to weddings. Keeps the bride and groom on their toes, ya know? Guess I gotta find a new gift-giving tradition... Maybe I'll start giving them gift cards with no money on them.

Kate61487 · June 2013

#5: Whether a wedding is big or small, it costs the bride and groom a good amount of money to have you celebrate with them. Showing up without a gift or card implies that you only came to party, and not to *pay* tribute to their love. There's no price minimum here, but you should always give something from the heart.

This made me giggle...

annathy03 · June 2013

Kate61487 said:

#5: Whether a wedding is big or small, it costs the bride and groom a good amount of money to have you celebrate with them. Showing up without a gift or card implies that you only came to party, and not to *pay* tribute to their love. There's no price minimum here, but you should always give something from the heart.

This made me giggle...

Yeah the wording on that was just awesome.

Although I would never show up to a wedding without so much as a card- I mean they're $1 at Trader Joe's. I can write something to wish them well and they will know nothing got misplaced and be wondering if they owe me a thank-you card.

ETA: Assuming I hadn't sent a gift before. I actually show up most of the time without anything "in hand" b/c I like to send registry items their way ahead of time.

Bubbles2014 · June 2013

I have worn red to a wedding. Red and white in fact. Their marriage broke up 3 months later.... Moral of the story: don't wear red to weddings as it causes divorces

daisey18 · June 2013

Maybe the red rule is an Asian thing? If I was going to a wedding and the bride was wearing a traditional red gown- I would definitely not wear red. But if neither the bride or groom has an Asian name- I wouldn't worry about it.

Gisellerina · June 2013

@shaylovessly - Gift cards with no money on them?!?! That's hilarious!

allispain · June 2013

Umm... did anyone else watch the video at the end? WTF?!?

Also, #5 (about how all guests absolutely positively must bring gifts to the wedding to pay the bride and groom back for the wedding expenses, or whatever nonsense that was, made me seriously chuckle. Several of our guests didn't give us a card, buy us a gift, write us a check, etc. and we could not have cared less - we were just so excited that they were there to celebrate with us, their presence was "gift" enough (as cheesy as that sounds).

Simply Fated · June 2013

#6
Showing up without a gift or card implies that you only came to party, and not to pay tribute to their love.

Uhhh, weddings are not held to literally pay tribute to the couple.

I don't get rule #20
Don't Be Overly Flirtatious. Is this really something that could potentially ruin the bride and groom's wedding? Maybe if it was "Don't Be Overly Sexually Harassing" I would understand...

TKzilla · June 2013

Kate61487 said:

#5: Whether a wedding is big or small, it costs the bride and groom a good amount of money to have you celebrate with them. Showing up without a gift or card implies that you only came to party, and not to *pay* tribute to their love. There's no price minimum here, but you should always give something from the heart.

This made me giggle...

It better not be a goddamn gift basket. :P

Kate61487 · June 2013

CourtaniaLynn said:

Kate61487 said:

#5: Whether a wedding is big or small, it costs the bride and groom a good amount of money to have you celebrate with them. Showing up without a gift or card implies that you only came to party, and not to *pay* tribute to their love. There's no price minimum here, but you should always give something from the heart.

This made me giggle...

It better not be a goddamn gift basket. :P

Especially not one with marshmallow fluff and sour patch kids. that ish does not fly.

LuckyAloha · June 2013

I think the reason they say no red is because it "takes away the attention from the bride" which I think is bs.

jpmg · June 2013

RetreadBride said:

Actually, you SHOULD show up empty-handed at the wedding.

Proper etiquette is to send your gift - even if it's just a card - the bride's home before the wedding.

PLEASE don't bring things to the wedding. Pretty, pretty please. It's a terrible inconvenience to the couple. Someone has to get all those gifts home (which is horrid if they are leaving directly for their honeymoon), they can get broken in transit, or even stolen from the reception. It's an etiquette faux pas. Look it up.

I just have to say, as a recent bride who had to send a bunch of gifts home in a cousin's girlfriend's trunk, this, this, 1000 times this. I couldn't cite it as etiquette one way or the other, but I was so grateful for the gifts that got mailed rather than showing up at the reception.

RedJacks25 · June 2013

RetreadBride said:

Actually, you SHOULD show up empty-handed at the wedding.

Proper etiquette is to send your gift - even if it's just a card - the bride's home before the wedding.

PLEASE don't bring things to the wedding. Pretty, pretty please. It's a terrible inconvenience to the couple. Someone has to get all those gifts home (which is horrid if they are leaving directly for their honeymoon), they can get broken in transit, or even stolen from the reception. It's an etiquette faux pas. Look it up.

Hmm... I've always shown up with gifts. Oops.

[Deleted User] · June 2013

haha My MOB dress was red and I looked geeeee oooorrrrr geous !
and my daughter picked it out!

radleyboo · June 2013

@Liatris2010-you consistently crack me up. Love it.

I could care less if anyone wears red to a wedding. I don't wear red because it looks terrible on me. I have to agree with @AddieL73 and wonder about some of the 1985 neon pink/yellow/green stuff they are showing today. I'd be more apt to side eye one of those colors than red.

Side note-I totally agree with no complaints about food or music, or whatever might not be to your taste. My mom made a few off-handed remarks about us not having a DJ and dancing. H doesn't dance. He's a 6'4" awkward man with no rhythm. He doesn't dance. Mom loves to dance and kinda-sorta complained, and I told her that we just wanted a nice dinner reception with the family, which is exactly what we did. I wasn't happy about her whining, but I got over it. Any sort of criticism of what the bride and groom choose to do (or can afford!) is just a big no-no in my book.

Pookieson · June 2013

Oh please, I had people wearing red at my wedding, I had a drunk guest, I had a guest make out with two different men in the same night (I'd think that would be overly flirtatious). Guess what, my wedding was awesome because it was my wedding. Any bride petty enough to worry about this is bananas. Furthermore, that video...pure AWESOME! That may have been the drunk girl at my wedding, thank goodness my venue wasn't held up by poles. This video was hilarious (I'm so mean and so glad that was not my wedding)

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