Unreasonable bridesmaid expectations?

Re: Unreasonable bridesmaid expectations?

• itzMS member

  

  June 2013

  lindseybell3 said:

  I'm a bridesmaid in a good friend's wedding.  I love this friend... she is completely relaxed.  She was in my wedding six years ago.

  
  

  My problem is there seems to be a BridesMaidzilla in the mix.  She is sending emails about the shower right now, and went as far as to suggest that we all stay "fit and healthy" for the bride's special day.  For the shower, she wants us to make food or bring drink (something in keeping with the theme, which I think is just purple), contribute 50 dollars and help with decorations.  

  
  

  I'm driving 3 hours to get to this shower.  I said I'd bring a case of wine and she wants me to make sure there is champagne or sparkling wine in it.  I don't want to contribute 50 dollars... honestly, I don't make much money and I have 2 very small children. I've already paid 200 dollars for the dress.  If we are bringing the food, decorations and drink I can't understand what the money is going towards. When I got married, I did not have a shower or a bachelorette party so I really don't know if this is normal or if the bridesmaid is being ridiculous.  I also don't want to cause a big fuss and create drama, but I know the bride could honestly give a sh*t about this stuff anyway.  What does everyone think? What's normal?

  All you need to do is call the other bridesmaid, and say you're sorry, but you are unable to help host the bridal shower.

  I've been a bridesmaid several times and have never helped with the shower, it's not my thing either.

  Attend as a guest to support your friend, the bride.
  

  Report0 Reply
• lindseybell3

  

  June 2013

  itzMS said:

  lindseybell3 said:

  I'm a bridesmaid in a good friend's wedding.  I love this friend... she is completely relaxed.  She was in my wedding six years ago.

  
  

  My problem is there seems to be a BridesMaidzilla in the mix.  She is sending emails about the shower right now, and went as far as to suggest that we all stay "fit and healthy" for the bride's special day.  For the shower, she wants us to make food or bring drink (something in keeping with the theme, which I think is just purple), contribute 50 dollars and help with decorations.  

  
  

  I'm driving 3 hours to get to this shower.  I said I'd bring a case of wine and she wants me to make sure there is champagne or sparkling wine in it.  I don't want to contribute 50 dollars... honestly, I don't make much money and I have 2 very small children. I've already paid 200 dollars for the dress.  If we are bringing the food, decorations and drink I can't understand what the money is going towards. When I got married, I did not have a shower or a bachelorette party so I really don't know if this is normal or if the bridesmaid is being ridiculous.  I also don't want to cause a big fuss and create drama, but I know the bride could honestly give a sh*t about this stuff anyway.  What does everyone think? What's normal?

  All you need to do is call the other bridesmaid, and say you're sorry, but you are unable to help host the bridal shower.

  I've been a bridesmaid several times and have never helped with the shower, it's not my thing either.

  Attend as a guest to support your friend, the bride.
  

  I think I would be the only bridesmaid to object.  The others (I've never met any of them in person BTW) are all sending around pinterest pictures of crafts and arguing with each other over what should go on the skewers (marshmallows? blackberries? strawberries? There were 4 emails about this and 2 girls went away with hurt feelings).  I don't want to be the only one saying, Um.  I'm not doing this. but I also THINK everyone's being unreasonable.  Or am I the one being unreasonable??

  Why do they have to make it smell so good if you can't eat it??

  Report0 Reply
• BangBangs39

  

  June 2013

  lindseybell3 said:

  I'm a bridesmaid in a good friend's wedding.  I love this friend... she is completely relaxed.  She was in my wedding six years ago.

  
  

  My problem is there seems to be a BridesMaidzilla in the mix.  She is sending emails about the shower right now, and went as far as to suggest that we all stay "fit and healthy" for the bride's special day.  For the shower, she wants us to make food or bring drink (something in keeping with the theme, which I think is just purple), contribute 50 dollars and help with decorations.  

  
  

  I'm driving 3 hours to get to this shower.  I said I'd bring a case of wine and she wants me to make sure there is champagne or sparkling wine in it.  I don't want to contribute 50 dollars... honestly, I don't make much money and I have 2 very small children. I've already paid 200 dollars for the dress.  If we are bringing the food, decorations and drink I can't understand what the money is going towards. When I got married, I did not have a shower or a bachelorette party so I really don't know if this is normal or if the bridesmaid is being ridiculous.  I also don't want to cause a big fuss and create drama, but I know the bride could honestly give a sh*t about this stuff anyway.  What does everyone think? What's normal?

  The bolded part would be my same question... my MOH is currently a BM in another wedding and is having a similar issue.  She helped pay for a lot of the shower stuff, then the MOH wanted $75 for a gift (there are 6 BM's total in that wedding, she asked for $75 from each) she also wanted to do a big concert as the bachelorette party and wanted Ea. attendant to the Bachelorette to pay $150 for a ticket.  My MOH had a sit down with the MOH in that wedding and explained that for her, being in 2 weddings and have a small child, she couldn't meet the over-the-top expectations.  The other wedding's MOH has now toned it down.
  

  Report0 Reply
• BangBangs39

  

  June 2013

  lindseybell3 said:

  I think I would be the only bridesmaid to object.  The others (I've never met any of them in person BTW) are all sending around pinterest pictures of crafts and arguing with each other over what should go on the skewers (marshmallows? blackberries? strawberries? There were 4 emails about this and 2 girls went away with hurt feelings).  I don't want to be the only one saying, Um.  I'm not doing this. but I also THINK everyone's being unreasonable.  Or am I the one being unreasonable??

  You are not being unreasonable.  You know what you can afford.  Just be honest with the other BM's.
  

  Report0 Reply
• itzMS member

  

  June 2013

  lindseybell3 said:

  itzMS said:

  lindseybell3 said:

  I'm a bridesmaid in a good friend's wedding.  I love this friend... she is completely relaxed.  She was in my wedding six years ago.

  
  

  My problem is there seems to be a BridesMaidzilla in the mix.  She is sending emails about the shower right now, and went as far as to suggest that we all stay "fit and healthy" for the bride's special day.  For the shower, she wants us to make food or bring drink (something in keeping with the theme, which I think is just purple), contribute 50 dollars and help with decorations.  

  
  

  I'm driving 3 hours to get to this shower.  I said I'd bring a case of wine and she wants me to make sure there is champagne or sparkling wine in it.  I don't want to contribute 50 dollars... honestly, I don't make much money and I have 2 very small children. I've already paid 200 dollars for the dress.  If we are bringing the food, decorations and drink I can't understand what the money is going towards. When I got married, I did not have a shower or a bachelorette party so I really don't know if this is normal or if the bridesmaid is being ridiculous.  I also don't want to cause a big fuss and create drama, but I know the bride could honestly give a sh*t about this stuff anyway.  What does everyone think? What's normal?

  All you need to do is call the other bridesmaid, and say you're sorry, but you are unable to help host the bridal shower.

  I've been a bridesmaid several times and have never helped with the shower, it's not my thing either.

  Attend as a guest to support your friend, the bride.
  

  I think I would be the only bridesmaid to object.  The others (I've never met any of them in person BTW) are all sending around pinterest pictures of crafts and arguing with each other over what should go on the skewers (marshmallows? blackberries? strawberries? There were 4 emails about this and 2 girls went away with hurt feelings).  I don't want to be the only one saying, Um.  I'm not doing this. but I also THINK everyone's being unreasonable.  Or am I the one being unreasonable??

  DO NOT FEEL GUILTY!!!!

  Buy your friend a nice gift for the shower, attend as a guest, and leave Pintrest to the other bridesmaids.

  You may get some side-eyes from them, but who cares? You're not being rude or unreasonable. You don't want to help host the shower, and that is 100% fine :-)
  

  Report0 Reply
• cbrown828 member

  

  June 2013

  There's no reason to feel guilty. Planning a party without your input and then telling you what to contribute is rude. You have no obligation to help plan this shower.

  P.S. your little one is adorable.

  

  Report0 Reply
• NYCMercedes member

  

  June 2013

  Just write a polite email and tell her the limit of your involvement.

  Report0 Reply
• MyNameIsNot member

  

  June 2013

  She's out of line.  This is not normal (although not unheard of), and you shouldn't feel guilty.

  
  

  Respond and say something like "I'm not sure where you got the impression that I'd volunteered to contribute money toward the shower, but that is not an option.  The case of wine that I offered to bring is my contribution.  I will be happy to help with set up and clean up.  Please let me know what time you'd like for me to be there."    

  Report0 Reply