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Is it wrong to ask so much?

Meggu3Meggu3 member
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Okay I'm in love with Oulton Hall for my venue. It's in my hometown of Leeds, England but I now live in the states. A majority of my guests also live in the states. Is it rude for me to ask them to travel so far? and if not is there something I should do to help keep people from saying "absolutely not! I will not travel so far!"?
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Re: Is it wrong to ask so much?

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    mlg78mlg78 member
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    Are you completely okay with a HUGE numbers of guests not being able to attend your wedding?  When I look back on my wedding I'm pretty sure I'll remember who was there, not where it was.
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    musicalcanadianbridemusicalcanadianbride member
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    Is it a case of half the family being in one place and the other half somewhere else? Where does your fiancé's family live? Because if most of your guests are in the states, I would have the wedding there. In our case, we both live in Canada, with my family all here and his family all in Mexico. One way or the other, half the guest list would consider it a destination wedding. So, we chose to have it in Canada, since planning a wedding from afar is really tough. 
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    blueobsidianblueobsidian member
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    Meggu3 said:
    Okay I'm in love with Oulton Hall for my venue. It's in my hometown of Leeds, England but I now live in the states. A majority of my guests also live in the states. Is it rude for me to ask them to travel so far? and if not is there something I should do to help keep people from saying "absolutely not! I will not travel so far!"?
    It's not wrong to plan a destination wedding if that is what you want.  I can understand the thoughts behind wanting your wedding in your hometown, even if you live elsewhere.  However, there is nothing you can do to keep people from declining (unless you want to offer to pay for all their travel and expenses).  Destination weddings are expensive and time consuming.  You will probably have a higher decline rate than if you plan the wedding closer to most of your guests.

    What you will need to do is manage your expectations and be prepared for some disappointments.  Have you talked to all your VIPs about having a destination wedding?  If there are people that you absolutely have to have there for your wedding, talk to them before you get too far into planning.
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    tiny specktiny speck member
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    edited June 2013
    Hah, I know exactly where that is. I'm from Canada, H is American but we have lived in West Yorkshire for 5 years. We got married this April in Harrogate. As expected, only our parents and siblings traveled overseas for the wedding. Other North American guests (extended family and friends) could not make it. I think it's different that we live in the UK though, whereas in your situation it's more of a destination wedding.

    So in the end it's your call, but if you haven't already, definitely talk to your VIP guests before making a final decision, to see if they would be able to travel, and be prepared for a small wedding.
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    misssunshine17misssunshine17 member
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    The only person I would go to a DW for is my brother. Anyone else, it's most likely that I don't want to go there/don't have the money/don't have the vacation time. 

    As long as you don't expect people to attend, you're fine. My issue with a lot of people is they get all pissed that people don't want to spend 1k+, travel to a location someone else picked and use their vacation time. 
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    tiny specktiny speck member
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    Oh and I also just wanted to add @Meggu3 if you do end up deciding to get married in Leeds, I can absolutely recommend our photographers and cake baker. PM me if you like.
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    BarbLovesDaveBarbLovesDave member
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    Meggu3 said:
     Is it rude for me to ask them to travel so far? and if not is there something I should do to help keep people from saying "absolutely not! I will not travel so far!"?
    You can plan your wedding for any location you like. It is not rude to plan a wedding and invite guests.

    There is no way you can keep people from saying "absolutely not! I will not travel so far!". If they don't have the time, money, resources, passport, inclination to go, then they will have to decline.

    Proper Etiquette frowns on kidnapping across international borders.

    It is not rude to invite a guest to a wedding. It is rude to insist they attend.
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    32daisies32daisies member
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    It's not at all rude to ask them. Have the wedding of your dreams, go for it.

    But -- my only concern is, it *would* be rude to get hurt/annoyed/mad if someone says exactly that, no, and they won't travel so far. Some people can't afford to travel. Some people fear long flights. Some people can't get the time off from work/family obligations. Some people aren't allowed out of the country. Who knows. The point is, some people, in other words, would love to see you get married, but just can't, for reasons that are none of your business. Just be okay with that. :)
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    Summer2011BrideSummer2011Bride member
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    DW are not rude, but just be prepared for a much larger decline rate than if you had a local wedding. It's often difficult for people to spend that much to attend a wedding and/or get that much vacation time off work. Plus for many people, they may have to decide to forego a family vacation and use this as their "vacation" instead if they were to come.

    If you do this, I would send STDs fairly far in advance (9-12 months out) so people who will want to come can start saving, taking the time off work and planning flights/hotels. Like I said, just be prepared for many guests to not be able to attend. If you are OK with that, then you can really plan your wedding anywhere you want! I would just check first with VIP guests (people you couldn't imagine not being at your wedding like parents, siblings, etc) to see if it's cool with them.


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