relationship issues should we even have a ceremony and reception?

erafar · July 2013

My fiance and I have been together for 6 yrs now, living together most of the time. We have a daughter together and i also have a child from a previous relationahip that my fiance has raised as hos own. We had a wedding planned two years ago and had to call it off a month before. We have had a few bumps in the road since then and have decided to go ahead and make it official. Our preacher suggested that we do go ahead with a ceremony and a small reception for family, I feel extremely uncomfortable with this but my future in laws are already planning on attending a wedding. Is this even proper etiquette to have a ceremony? If so, what is actually required? Please help!!

Simply Fated · July 2013

erafar said:

My fiance and I have been together for 6 yrs now, living together most of the time. We have a daughter together and i also have a child from a previous relationahip that my fiance has raised as hos own. We had a wedding planned two years ago and had to call it off a month before. We have had a few bumps in the road since then and have decided to go ahead and make it official. Our preacher suggested that we do go ahead with a ceremony and a small reception for family, I feel extremely uncomfortable with this but my future in laws are already planning on attending a wedding. Is this even proper etiquette to have a ceremony? If so, what is actually required? Please help!!

Is it proper ettiquette to have a ceremony? I'm not sure what you mean by this.... are you already married? You refer to him as your "fiance" so I'm guessing you aren't.
Do you mean a large ceremony with a small reception?

In order to be married, a ceremony is required. Someone who is legally allowed to officiate it must do so. You only need as many witnesses as your state requires. Anyone who attends your ceremony must be invited to the reception. The reception can be as elaborate or as casual as you want it to be.

Does this help at all?

Viczaesar · July 2013

I don't understand what you're trying to ask.

amalama · July 2013

I think she is saying that she feels uncomfortable inviting guests to their wedding after canceling the other one at the last minute? If that's correct, I don't think that you should worry about that. Canceling was best for you then and obviously worked out for the best, I don't think anyone should judge you for that. If people bought presents for you before or had spent money to attend they might be hesitant to do so again, but that's their choice and shouldn't offend you either.

Kate61487 · July 2013

you don't have to have a 'traditional' ceremony/reception. You can elope at the courthouse or in a destination of your choice (vegas, the beach, etc.). You can invite or not invite whoever you want. As PPs have mentioned anyone you invite to your ceremony needs to be hosted at a reception of some sort.

I'm interpreting your post that you're hesitant to have the "big shebang" b/c you've been together for so long / have kids / have been essentially living as a married couple for years. (perhaps that's wrong - if so, sorry). None of those things preclude you from having a wedding. The only thing that means you can't have a wedding etiquette-wise is if you're already married. But you don't have to do anything large or fancy, either.

I would say talk to your FI about what you both want. You don't have to have a public ceremony just b/c your future ILs want to be there, but if your FI wants them there that should be taken into consideration. Good luck!