DH and I are invited to a vow renewal that the couple is calling their "real wedding." I was hurt when we first found out that they had lied about already being married. By that point, we had booked the trip for their destination "wedding." Of course I'm happy for the couple, plus it's unfair to them that someone attending would be unhappy with their plans, so I decided to focus on the positives of a neat vacation, cool party, and great people.
I had reached some zen, but that has started to unravel in the last couple weeks. Every time we hear from them or go out for drinks together, it's all about the "wedding," despite our attempts at changing the subject. Every time we get more information on the event, something new gets my hackles up - asking all of the guests to help with the set-up or tear-down, to bring food and drink, and to wear a certain item, for example. I'm a fairly easy-going person most of the time and have been pretty unfazed by weird and rude stuff at other weddings, but something here upsets me. I'm not sure if it's residual hurt from the lies of a few months back, resentment that I was kind of tricked into attending this event, a feeling like this disrespects the validity of our courthouse wedding, or if I'm just an oversensitive jerk who cares more about the money and time she's spending on this trip than her friends' happiness.
I don't like being all negative judgeypants, but I'm not sure how to get back in a positive place with this event. I'm hoping that someone here has some words of wisdom. How do you get out of judgeypants mode when your friends and family are the ones setting it off?