SURPRISE!!! What do you think?? Additional ideas/suggestions?

mashley3 · January 2013

SO my fiancé and I are reconsidering wedding plans. We're thinking about having our wedding at the beach with our immediate families a few days before we had planned to get married and then surprising the guests at our reception in our home town by having them just show up for the reception. What do y'all think?

Beads921 · January 2013

I think that would be a terrible surprise and as a guest I'd feel deceived.

But how would you do it? I mean how would you send invitations to this surprise? Most invitations include info about the ceremony and reception, so obviously the ceremony part wouldn't be there. Not much of a surprise, eh? Unless you were planning to include fake information on your invitations, which would really be the only way to make this a surprise and is really not OK.

I think if you want to get married privately and have a big reception a couple of days later, fine, but be honest about it. No surprises. Weddings shouldn't have surprises of that nature.

RMcDougle · January 2013

People will be expecting to come to witness your wedding, not simply attend the after party. If this happened to me, I would be pissed.

Why are you looking to move the wedding date up a few days and only having immediate family? If you must, I would be sure you are completely upfront about what the guests are actually invited to. There are people who chose to do an intimate (immediate family only) type ceremony and a larger reception following (same day), but it is advertised as such on the invitation.

AmJam04 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2013-weddings_surprise-what-do-you-think-additional-ideassuggestions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a322ad2c-25cd-4d52-b123-096e1e4ecda5Discussion:bf6ed1f8-ecb3-4c3e-abc1-2a1164f3f52ePost:1f0edf40-df0c-416e-a322-ece38b09ecdf">Re: SURPRISE!!! What do you think?? Additional ideas/suggestions?</a>:
[QUOTE]I think that would be a terrible surprise and as a guest I'd feel deceived. [/QUOTE]

I agree with all of your post, but want to emphasize this part.
OP, I would also proceed to take my gift and walk out, because I'd feel that I wasn't good enough to see you actually get marriedand you only wanted me there to give you free presents.

Don't do it.

Knottie1450123632 · January 2013

AM jam- just what i was thinking. id be pissed to show up for a wedding but i didnt get to see the vows and the love so u dont care about me as a guest enough to be invited to the wedding but im only good enough to give a gift, eat and congratulate you and yours. id leave and maybe take the gift.

emmyroo · January 2013

I agree, I think it's a terrible idea too. Honesty is always the best way to go. You are more than welcome to get married on the beach with immediate family only and have a reception later for everyone else, but definitely be upfront about it. No one likes to be lied to.

mashley3 · January 2013

The big reason for the idea is that we've had a lot of trouble with guest list planning. We had a friend who sent out invitations that said "festivities will begin at ___" instead of "ceremony will begin at ___ and it was awesome! It was a huge, huge success. I, honestly don't even care if we get gifts at our wedding. We have already been far more blessed than we could even imagine.

Gabrielle76 · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2013-weddings_surprise-what-do-you-think-additional-ideassuggestions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20Club%20BoardsForum:a322ad2c-25cd-4d52-b123-096e1e4ecda5Discussion:bf6ed1f8-ecb3-4c3e-abc1-2a1164f3f52ePost:909512d4-40af-4822-9ecd-01842270a3cb">Re: SURPRISE!!! What do you think?? Additional ideas/suggestions?</a>:
[QUOTE]The big reason for the idea is that we've had a lot of trouble with guest list planning. We had a friend who sent out invitations that said "festivities will begin at ___" instead of "ceremony will begin at ___ and it was awesome! It was a huge, huge success. I, honestly don't even care if we get gifts at our wedding. We have already been far more blessed than we could even imagine.
Posted by mashley3[/QUOTE]

If you're only inviting them to the reception, make that clear. If you aren't recieving them after the ceremony, it's not really a 'reception', it's a party. Your invitations could say "You're invited to a party celebrating the marriage of ____"

Then people won't be surprised or offended. And I'm not sure how this solves your guest list problems. If you're having trouble picking who to invite to the ceremony, the reception would have the same problem.

keyaira04 · January 2013

Hello mashley3,

I understand what you are trying to do and the event your friend had.

I think the issue that the ladies are expressing come from your both having a desire to surprise the guests rather than inviting them to a marriage celebration. This is where Gabrielle76's advice comes to play about having a marriage celebration.

Another suggestion is having a short vow renewal/ceremony at the start of the reception. This way. I've been to a few of these and they are received well in my circles. For the last one I attended like this, the vow renewal/ceremony portion was 7-10 minutes, tops. Then the dance party started.

I hope this helps.

RMcDougle · January 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-club-boards_july-2013-weddings_surprise-what-do-you-think-additional-ideassuggestions?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding Club BoardsForum:a322ad2c-25cd-4d52-b123-096e1e4ecda5Discussion:bf6ed1f8-ecb3-4c3e-abc1-2a1164f3f52ePost:2969e40f-b318-497a-8a81-8fdcec4f3660">Re: SURPRISE!!! What do you think?? Additional ideas/suggestions?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hello mashley3 , I understand what you are trying to do and the event your friend had. I think the issue that the ladies are expressing come from your both having a desire to surprise the guests rather than inviting them to a marriage celebration. This is where Gabrielle76 's advice comes to play about having a marriage celebration. Another suggestion is having a short vow renewal/ceremony at the start of the reception. This way. I've been to a few of these and they are received well in my circles. For the last one I attended like this, the vow renewal/ceremony portion was 7-10 minutes, tops. Then the dance party started. I hope this helps.
Posted by keyaira04[/QUOTE]

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Absolutely not. I might be even more upset with the couple if this happened. They are planning to marry 3 days prior(!) so a vow renewal is the dumbest thing possible. OP, don't do that. Vow renewals are meant for big milestone anniversaries (3 days is not one of them..) or after a couple has overcome a hardship in their marriage. If you are having a videographer at your wedding, they might be able to rush getting you a 3-5 minute edited highlight clip that you could show at the party you are hosting.

There is nothing wrong with choosing a private ceremony and then having a larger party after/later to celebrate and you got some great advice on how to word the invitation so that it is clear to the guests. ("Celebrating of our recent marriage"). I would love to attend something like that, so long as I knew it ahead of time.

But all of this aside, if you are having a hard time with the guestlist for the wedding, how is still hosting a party afterward going to eliminate those issues? I know that the guestlist can be troublesome, but I would ultimately suggest just hosting 1 wedding+1 reception for the guests that you can accomodate. People should act like adults and understand that the couple cannot invite everyone they could possibly want to.

blondii428 · January 2013

I think that looking back on it in the future you may regret not having a big ceremony with all of your loved ones there to witness.

SURPRISE!!! What do you think?? Additional ideas/suggestions?

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