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Wedding Party

Is a "plus one" a given for the bridal party?

I know the rule of thumb for plus one's.... spouses, fiances and live in bf / gf are a given. It seems like such an easy rule to follow..... until it comes time to send out the invites!!!! My maid of honor got divorced about 2 years ago. She's been dating on and off since then, but no one serious. My wedding is 3 months away and I just spoke with her just to catch up and she says "My boyfriend is so excited about coming to your wedding!" They've only been dating for a month or two and I've never met him! Another bridesmaid is single and won't be bringing a date. A co-worker has an on-again-off-again relationship and I already told her she wouldn't get a plus one. I can't do for one and not for all!

I'm just not sure what to do. Sure, it would be easiest to just let everyone bring a date.... but that's going to put some seriously strain on our budget.

Anyone else having this problem with the bridal party and plus one's????

Re: Is a "plus one" a given for the bridal party?

  • What PDKH said exactly.  If she's calling him her "boyfriend" and not "that guy I went on a date with" or whatever, you should invite him.  But even if he was just that guy she went on a date with, it's polite to let your bridal party bring a plus one anyway if they want to- it's really such a small thing compared to everything they do for you.  It's one of those things that's not technically required by etiquette, but is still something a good friend would do.
  • ViczaesarViczaesar Central Coast, CA member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    Tinav43 said:
    I know the rule of thumb for plus one's.... spouses, fiances and live in bf / gf are a given. It seems like such an easy rule to follow..... until it comes time to send out the invites!!!! My maid of honor got divorced about 2 years ago. She's been dating on and off since then, but no one serious. My wedding is 3 months away and I just spoke with her just to catch up and she says "My boyfriend is so excited about coming to your wedding!" They've only been dating for a month or two and I've never met him! Another bridesmaid is single and won't be bringing a date. A co-worker has an on-again-off-again relationship and I already told her she wouldn't get a plus one. I can't do for one and not for all!

    I'm just not sure what to do. Sure, it would be easiest to just let everyone bring a date.... but that's going to put some seriously strain on our budget.

    Anyone else having this problem with the bridal party and plus one's????
    Actually no, that is not correct.  Anyone who considers themselves to be in a relationship should be invited with their partner, period.  These invitations are not "plus ones".  Plus one refers to an unspecified guest, as in 'you can bring anyone you want.'  SOs should be invited by name and are not plus ones.  People who are truly single and do not have a SO do not have to be given a plus one.  That being said, I personally think it's the right thing to do to give single WP members a plus one for your wedding. 

    In your particular case you need to invite MOH's boyfriend because he is her significant other.  It doesn't matter in the slightest that you haven't met him yet.  Your single BM doesn't need to get a plus one, but I would give her the option anyway because she's occupying a position of honor in your wedding.  If your coworker considers herself to be dating her on-again-off-again BF when the invitations go out you need to invite him as well.  Again, people who are truly single don't have to get a plus one, but if you can afford it it's a nice gesture.



    Blue_Bird
  • It is none of your business to judge the seriousness of someone's relationship.  If she says she has a BF, then he MUST be invited, regardless of how long they've been together or if you've met him or not.  Heck, my sister got engaged after dating her now H for only a month and I'd never met him, so you never know how serious it is based solely on length of time.

    That being said, even if she was completely single, as a BM, I'm a firm believer in offering them a +1 regardless because of the amount of money and time that typically gets invested in being a member of the bridal party.  She is putting in a lot of effort for you, the least you can do is allow her to bring a date to make sure she enjoys herself as much as possible.  
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    edited July 2013
    It's plus ones.  Plus one's refers to something that belongs to the plus one.  

    Anyone in a committed or established relationship needs to be invited with their s/o.  Your MOH's boyfriend needs to be invited (by name).  If the on again off again relationship is on, you need to invite him.  You don't have to invite your single friends to go out and find a date if they aren't with anyone.  

    It's common to include plus ones for all WP members even if they don't invite the rest of the singles with dates as an extra courtesy for the honored individuals.  
    lisabeatsBlue_Bird
  • Think of it this way, by the time your wedding rolls around, she'll have been dating him for 5 months and you have 3 months to meet him. You might as well let her bring him.
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    Blue_Bird
  • Thanks to everyone for your input!!!! The plus-one situation is more of my fiance's beef than mine. He got upset with me that I didn't "ask him" about inviting my MOH's boyfriend. He just got done informing one of his friends that he wouldn't get a plus one because he's not dating anyone. That's not really the same thing though! His friend isn't even remotely dating anyone!

    Everyone in a relationship, (long-term or otherwise!) is getting a plus one. My single cousins and our single friends will not.

    Thanks fellow brides! Good luck to you all with your planning :)
    Blue_Bird
  • AddieCakeAddieCake Beyond the Wall member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I'm glad you are allowing anyone in a relationship to bring his or her SO. 

     I definitely think you should always give your wedding party a plus one if they are single. 




    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    misslobita
  • I personally followed different rules with my bridal party, and let them all bring plus ones, single or not.  They had positions of honor, and as such, I wanted to do everything in my power to make them feel special. 

    It ended up being a very compassionate and lucky decision. My SIL ended up inviting a long time friend of hers as her plus-one, and the girl was an absolute blast to hang out with.  I was still new to the family at that point and didn't realize how many events my SIL was not allowed to bring a plus one to because she just doesn't date.  I think mine was the first wedding she hadn't ended up sitting alone at in years.  That made me so happy, that I could do that for her.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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    Anniversary

  • I went to a wedding recently where the bridal party was not allowed to bring dates, even their spouses. The bride's logic was because she had a head table and the dates would have to sit alone elsewhere anyway... I cringed.
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  • I went to a wedding recently where the bridal party was not allowed to bring dates, even their spouses. The bride's logic was because she had a head table and the dates would have to sit alone elsewhere anyway... I cringed.

    That's awful. I don't think I would remain friends with that bride after that.

    And that logic always confuses me. Dinner lasts like 1-1.5 hours of the entire reception. So even if they weren't sitting next to their dates, they'd still share their company for the next 3-4 hours.
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  • I went to a wedding recently where the bridal party was not allowed to bring dates, even their spouses. The bride's logic was because she had a head table and the dates would have to sit alone elsewhere anyway... I cringed.

    I'd explain to my friend the bride why so much of that is so rude. If after that she didn't budge, she'd have an empty spot at her table.
    Blue_Bird
  • dbananadbanana member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited July 2013
    I went to a wedding recently where the bridal party was not allowed to bring dates, even their spouses. The bride's logic was because she had a head table and the dates would have to sit alone elsewhere anyway... I cringed.
    Forgive me for sounds like a complete jack-hole on this one - but what is the proper way to go about this? Or the normal way to go about this? FI and I have a total of 6 attendants, 4 of which will have dates. I plan to have a head table at the reception for the 8 of us, but don't want the "plus one's" to feel alone if they don't know anyone else.

    ETA: I am not set in stone at even having anyone eat at the head table with us, but I don't like the idea of a sweetheart table. I know my MOHs will want to sit with us to eat, but I'm not sure about some of the GMs...
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta member
    Ninth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    dbanana said:
    I went to a wedding recently where the bridal party was not allowed to bring dates, even their spouses. The bride's logic was because she had a head table and the dates would have to sit alone elsewhere anyway... I cringed.
    Forgive me for sounds like a complete jack-hole on this one - but what is the proper way to go about this? Or the normal way to go about this? FI and I have a total of 6 attendants, 4 of which will have dates. I plan to have a head table at the reception for the 8 of us, but don't want the "plus one's" to feel alone if they don't know anyone else.

    ETA: I am not set in stone at even having anyone eat at the head table with us, but I don't like the idea of a sweetheart table. I know my MOHs will want to sit with us to eat, but I'm not sure about some of the GMs...
    The proper way to go about it is to seat everyone next to their date.  Many people opt to put dates at the head table, or do a captain's or king's table, where people sit on both sides of a big table.  

    Sweetheart tables are really popular right now.  Then you can put your WP together at another table or disbursed with their own family and friends.  It is also common to have a regular round table with the bride and groom and a special group, such as siblings, parents, or honor attendants, along with respective dates.  
    Blue_Bird
  • bethsmilesbethsmiles Denver, CO member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    Tinav43 said:
    I know the rule of thumb for plus one's.... spouses, fiances and live in bf / gf are a given.

    So by your "rules" my relationship of almost 5 years isn't valid enough for you to invite us as a couple because we don't live together? See how ridiculous that seems?

    You don't get to decide the seriousness of others' relationships. If someone is in a relationship they get a plus one. There, now it's easy to follow.


  • dbanana said:
    Forgive me for sounds like a complete jack-hole on this one - but what is the proper way to go about this? Or the normal way to go about this? FI and I have a total of 6 attendants, 4 of which will have dates. I plan to have a head table at the reception for the 8 of us, but don't want the "plus one's" to feel alone if they don't know anyone else.

    ETA: I am not set in stone at even having anyone eat at the head table with us, but I don't like the idea of a sweetheart table. I know my MOHs will want to sit with us to eat, but I'm not sure about some of the GMs...
    We are doing a head table with dates. Depending on the space we have talked about us, 2 MOHs and the BM plus all of their dates at a regular round table, a king's table with all the wedding party and dates, or us at a round table with our parents with the wedding party at nearby tables with other guests. None of these are perfect for our situation though so we are still working on it.
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  • It's really what you want. It's your wedding. You can go with whatever rule you want, just be consistent. My rule for all guests, including the bridal party, was to assume a plus one for anyone who is 18 years old or older. There are no surprises that way. Your bridal party will have to sit separate from their plus ones if you have a head table. If you have anyone who is under 18 years old, check with them personally. That way you have no surprises. Hope this helps!
  • smerican said:
    It's really what you want. It's your wedding. You can go with whatever rule you want, just be consistent. My rule for all guests, including the bridal party, was to assume a plus one for anyone who is 18 years old or older. There are no surprises that way. Your bridal party will have to sit separate from their plus ones if you have a head table. If you have anyone who is under 18 years old, check with them personally. That way you have no surprises. Hope this helps!

    So what, your wedding gives you the freedom to be a jerk to your friends? To ignore others' relationships on a day that is supposed to celebrate your relationship? That's a quick way to lose friends.

    And no, dates should always be sat together. It is VERY rude to seperate couples up during dinner. Either fit everyone in at the head table or look into alternatives like a king's table or sweetheart table.

    image
  • PDKH said:


    smerican said:

    It's really what you want. It's your wedding. You can go with whatever rule you want, just be consistent. My rule for all guests, including the bridal party, was to assume a plus one for anyone who is 18 years old or older. There are no surprises that way. Your bridal party will have to sit separate from their plus ones if you have a head table. If you have anyone who is under 18 years old, check with them personally. That way you have no surprises. Hope this helps!

    So what, your wedding gives you the freedom to be a jerk to your friends? To ignore others' relationships on a day that is supposed to celebrate your relationship? That's a quick way to lose friends.

    And no, dates should always be sat together. It is VERY rude to seperate couples up during dinner. Either fit everyone in at the head table or look into alternatives like a king's table or sweetheart table.

    Ditto this. There is never a reason to split your WP from their dates or SOs at the reception.
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