Who is walking you down the aisle? (Long post)

millersox2184 · July 2013

So I don't have the best relationship with my father and we are not very close so I have been stressing over who is going to walk me down the aisle if anyone. My sister got married a couple years ago and my father was not a part of the wedding at all and acted like it was totally normal that his daughter walked down by herself. We both thought that maybe he didn't quite understand how important this was supposed to be for a father so I thought it would be the same for my wedding. Well a couple months ago, I called my dad to ask him if he wanted to rent a tux (thinking this would give me my answer) and the response I got from him was "I don't think I want to do that". Ok then, there's my answer.

Fast forward to 3 weeks ago. I was in Florida visiting my sister and my dad decided to come down for the weekend (very surprising). The first day he was there, we were driving back from getting lunch and he asked me who is walking me down the aisle. I was speechless. All I could get out was that I hadn't thought about it yet. He asked me if I wanted him to walk me down so I of course said yes. He then mentioned that he will now have to rent a tux and I told him where he could go and if he wanted me to go with him, then I would. My sister and I were shocked and I could tell she was a little hurt but I basically told her I will believe it when I see it. Well, we have been back from Florida for a few weeks now and I haven't heard a word from him. I had a feeling this might happen and I told my sister that. My stepmom is not the nicest person in the world and controls everything my dad does. She isn't a fan of my sister or myself so for all I know, she may have told him no he's not doing that.

I am not sure what to do. Before my dad has asked me, I was considering having my brother walk me down. We are very close. Now, even if my dad doesn't walk me down, I can't have my brother either only because I don't want it to be a huge slap in the face for my dad. I am so confused!!!!

libby18bell · July 2013

You should have your brother walk you down the aisle. If your dad can do it also, then you have a man on both arms and you will be extra styling. If you dad sadly flakes out or your step mom ruins stuff you still have your brother walking you down the aisle, does that make sense? That way you are having your brother whom you always intended to walk you down, and a bonus if your dad comes through but your ok if he doesn't.

SewInLoveWithDMB · July 2013

In answer to your first question, both of my parents are walking me down the aisle.

I'm sorry to hear that your situation is a bit more confusing. I agree with @libby18bell - if your father is not going to go through with it, having your brother walk you down is really nice. If your father does get the tux and still will do it, then you will have both.

You just need to prep your brother of this possibility - let him know that you want him there, but your father has also asked/said he would, but due to the nature of your relationship, you aren't 100% sure it will actually happen. That way you won't offend your brother if your father does appear.

As for offending your father - when he asked, you didn't say that it would be him "only." Many brides have two people with him.

Good luck!

millersox2184 · July 2013

Thank you both for your advice! I think having them both walk me down is a really good idea. I know my brother will be really happy to do it and he wouldn't be offended if my dad is there too. He will just be honored that I asked him in the first place.

I also haven't told my dad that I am not inviting my stepsister and stepbrother either which I know will not go over well with my stepmom. I don't talk to them and never see them so I don't see the point in inviting them. This may cause her to tell my dad he is not doing it or even that they are not coming. Who knows, she is crazy!

fearlessbrideMI · July 2013

I have a dad (who is mostly absentee but wants to walk me) and a stepdad thats been around since i was 2yrs old (but we disagree a lot). I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings so I am having both of them walk me (which I truly do not want but they are also contributing to the wedding and this is all they have asked for). Idealy if my grandfather was still alive he would be walking me. My backup person was my brother but he passed suddenly this past winter. I honestly wanted to walk alone but my mom has expressed so many times how hurt both my dads would be I am giving up the fight.

millersox2184 · July 2013

fearlessbrideMI said:

I have a dad (who is mostly absentee but wants to walk me) and a stepdad thats been around since i was 2yrs old (but we disagree a lot). I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings so I am having both of them walk me (which I truly do not want but they are also contributing to the wedding and this is all they have asked for). Idealy if my grandfather was still alive he would be walking me. My backup person was my brother but he passed suddenly this past winter. I honestly wanted to walk alone but my mom has expressed so many times how hurt both my dads would be I am giving up the fight.

I am so sorry to hear about your brother, that must have been really hard. Weddings can be so complicated sometimes, especially when it comes to divorced parents. You don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but at the same time, you want things a certain way on your day. Sometimes it is just best (and easier) to give in on certain things!

fearlessbrideMI · July 2013

Yeah just not worth fighting about it with my mom (her and I argue about enough wedding stuff lol)

Stina51286 · July 2013

I agree with having both and if all else fails, you still have your brother.

I have made very little contact with my father in almost two years (November will be two years). I did not say a word to him at my sister's wedding last August. He's sent me two birthday cards and I was nice and sent him a father's day card. The extent of our talking in those two years has been a text saying thank you for the cards. He is invited, as a guest. My brother is walking me down, which my mom is sort of upset about, so I might have both my mom and my brother walk me. I've already asked my brother and he said yes.

millersox2184 · July 2013

@snippett - There are a few other reasons why the stepsiblings aren't invited. FI has had some problems with my stepbrother. My stepbrother has said some pretty ignorant things in the past to FI or in front of him and they didn't go over well. I don't really want to get into it but I completely understand where he is coming from and I agree with him on this one. He hasn't asked for much with this wedding so I have to give him something! It will probably cause some drama but to be honest, I don't see my stepmom really at all and there has been a lot more drama then this! This is nothing...

millersox2184 · July 2013

edit - posted twice

thejucheidea · July 2013

My dad is walking me down the aisle. He's one of my favorite people on Earth, so I haven't even entertained the notion of another person walking with me.

hardlyhannah · July 2013

I'm having both of my parents walk me. I am close with both of them and I always envisioned it that way.

millersox2184 · July 2013

Thanks for everyone's input. I think I will have both of them if my dad actually comes through. I will give him a couple more weeks and then call him to see if he is getting a tux. I don't want to wait too long to rent it just in case. I'm jealous of girls who have good relationships with their fathers!!

Who is walking you down the aisle? (Long post)

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