Not engaged yet but still do dream of my perfect day. :)

[Deleted User] · July 2013

My boyfriend and I aren't engaged yet and don't intend to be anytime soon but that doesn't mean we haven't had any serious discussions about a future together. We've discussed what we would want in a marriage and if we have kids. I think overall we pretty much can tell each other anything Which is wonderful because I want us to always be open and honest with one another. We both see each other getting married in the future but currently With our long distance situation for now, getting engaged and married will have to wait. He has even told me that he wants to be married in his early 20s and not to have a very long engagement which is pretty much what I want to. I know that if and when he does propose, it'll be when he's financially ready and when we're in a stable situation. I love him so much and I am going to cherish every moment we spend together before being married.:)

Swazzle · July 2013

Hi and welcome!

How old are you and your BF? How long have you been together?

CLoGreenEyes · July 2013

Sounds like you have a good plan. Waiting can be tough at times, but being with the right partner certainly makes it worth it. Just enjoy life as it is and you will be OK.

So tell us about you and your SO! Are you in school or working in something cool? What are your hobbies? Any cute dogs or kitties or other animals we need to know about?

Peaseblossom55 · July 2013

Hi and welcome!

Tell us more about yourself.

Favorite vacation?

Favorite dessert?

Blue & White · July 2013

What other hobbies or interests do you have, are you working or going to school? Any good vacations planned this summer?

Dating someone amazing is still as awesome as being engaged so don't be too worried if the proposal takes longer than expected.

buddysmom80 · July 2013

katiecat08 said:

My boyfriend and I aren't engaged yet and don't intend to be anytime soon but that doesn't mean we haven't had any serious discussions about a future together. We've discussed what we would want in a marriage and if we have kids. I think overall we pretty much can tell each other anything Which is wonderful because I want us to always be open and honest with one another. We both see each other getting married in the future but currently With our long distance situation for now, getting engaged and married will have to wait. He has even told me that he wants to be married in his early 20s and not to have a very long engagement which is pretty much what I want to. I know that if and when he does propose, it'll be when he's financially ready and when we're in a stable situation. I love him so much and I am going to cherish every moment we spend together before being married.:)

Hi, welcome.

So if you guys want to be married in your early 20's, how old are you now? How long have you been together? Are you going to live together before getting married?

The only reason I'm asking is because I know only a few people that have married early in the 20's. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. My friend got married at 21, and is now re-thinking what her life could've been when she sees her friends go out and not have any responsibilities. They didn't live together before they were married, and when they got married, they moved into her parent's basement so it wasn't a true "living together" situation since mom and dad were still paying bills and cooking meals. She realized that being married is not what she wanted and decided to kick ex-H out. There was also a kid involved too. Her regret was that she should've waited because dating someone and living with someone are very different. Just like living with someone and co-parenting with someone is completely different. They lacked a lot of communication.

FWIW there are people in their early 20's who got married and are doing just fine. Every situation is different, but if you have any thought of "Oh I want to backpack through Europe" maybe do that before getting married. Or make sure your BF wants to do the same thing before having kids.

Also kudos for you in your age (I'm just going to assume you're young, okay?) in realizing that you want to be in a stable/financially ready situation when you do get married. I know people who are my age that are so not ready to be married (not financially ready or in a stable relationship) but are doing it anyway.

bethsmiles · July 2013

Hi! I'm also curious how old you are.

Personally I think it's far more important to make sure that you and your SO are ready for marriage (not just love each other but mature enough and financially and emotionally ready for such a huge commitment) rather than saying "hey I want to get married when I'm this age". When I was a teenager I always said I'll get married when I'm X age. Now I realize how silly that idea was. Planning life that way just doesn't work. So don't worry about what age you'll get married at - just focus on your relationship and where it's at.

So tell us about yourself:

Why are you and your BF doing LD? My BF and I had to do LD for awhile. I hated it. We are even semi-long distance now (can only see each other on the weekends) but I'm hopefully moving next month to be closer?

Are you in school? What for? Your BF?

What is your career? Your BF?

What are your hobbies, interests, favorite TV shows?

bethsmiles · July 2013

buddysmom80 said:

katiecat08 said:

My boyfriend and I aren't engaged yet and don't intend to be anytime soon but that doesn't mean we haven't had any serious discussions about a future together. We've discussed what we would want in a marriage and if we have kids. I think overall we pretty much can tell each other anything Which is wonderful because I want us to always be open and honest with one another. We both see each other getting married in the future but currently With our long distance situation for now, getting engaged and married will have to wait. He has even told me that he wants to be married in his early 20s and not to have a very long engagement which is pretty much what I want to. I know that if and when he does propose, it'll be when he's financially ready and when we're in a stable situation. I love him so much and I am going to cherish every moment we spend together before being married.:)

Hi, welcome.

So if you guys want to be married in your early 20's, how old are you now? How long have you been together? Are you going to live together before getting married?

The only reason I'm asking is because I know only a few people that have married early in the 20's. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. My friend got married at 21, and is now re-thinking what her life could've been when she sees her friends go out and not have any responsibilities. They didn't live together before they were married, and when they got married, they moved into her parent's basement so it wasn't a true "living together" situation since mom and dad were still paying bills and cooking meals. She realized that being married is not what she wanted and decided to kick ex-H out. There was also a kid involved too. Her regret was that she should've waited because dating someone and living with someone are very different. Just like living with someone and co-parenting with someone is completely different. They lacked a lot of communication.

FWIW there are people in their early 20's who got married and are doing just fine. Every situation is different, but if you have any thought of "Oh I want to backpack through Europe" maybe do that before getting married. Or make sure your BF wants to do the same thing before having kids.

Also kudos for you in your age (I'm just going to assume you're young, okay?) in realizing that you want to be in a stable/financially ready situation when you do get married. I know people who are my age that are so not ready to be married (not financially ready or in a stable relationship) but are doing it anyway.

@buddysmom80 - I know several people like that too! It makes me stabby!

suzie211 · July 2013

Welcome! How did you meet your BF?

[Deleted User] · July 2013

They say some couples just have that feeling of knowing who they'll marry one day and I know well marry v sometime just not soon. We actually met on an online Christian dating website and really became Good friends before we started going out. We've known each other v since January and made our relationship official on May 9th when we met in person for the first time. Before he came to visit we Skyped and talked alot so we got to know each other really well before we saw each other in person. See I'm not dating him just for the fun of dating, I'm dating him for the future of marrying him one day. We both are in our early 20s, I'm 23 and he's 21 but we want to have a short engagement whenever we do get engaged because of our distance. He lives in New Mexico and I in North Carolina. I actually just got back from a 5 day trip down to see him so after that trip we realized that soon we'll close the distance. Not move in together but either he get a job here or me there depending on our circumstances. He's actually a firefighter where he lives now so he can't move here right away until he's been there for a bit. I work at a bank as a scanner and this summer I am participating in our community theatre musical. He loves the outdoors and hunting and reenactment stuff. I love vintage stuff a lot and so does he. Were very strong in our faith and without it our relationship wouldnt be possible. I love him and know that God placed him in my life for a reason and will follow the path he designed for us.

Swazzle · July 2013

So, you've "known" each other for 6 months.

What is the rush?

buddysmom80 · July 2013

katiecat08 said:

They say some couples just have that feeling of knowing who they'll marry one day and I know well marry v sometime just not soon. We actually met on an online Christian dating website and really became Good friends before we started going out. We've known each other v since January and made our relationship official on May 9th when we met in person for the first time. Before he came to visit we Skyped and talked alot so we got to know each other really well before we saw each other in person. See I'm not dating him just for the fun of dating, I'm dating him for the future of marrying him one day. We both are in our early 20s, I'm 23 and he's 21 but we want to have a short engagement whenever we do get engaged because of our distance. He lives in New Mexico and I in North Carolina. I actually just got back from a 5 day trip down to see him so after that trip we realized that soon we'll close the distance. Not move in together but either he get a job here or me there depending on our circumstances. He's actually a firefighter where he lives now so he can't move here right away until he's been there for a bit. I work at a bank as a scanner and this summer I am participating in our community theatre musical. He loves the outdoors and hunting and reenactment stuff. I love vintage stuff a lot and so does he. Were very strong in our faith and without it our relationship wouldnt be possible. I love him and know that God placed him in my life for a reason and will follow the path he designed for us.

Story time:

At 23 I was in a "serious" relationship with my best friend (we're still best friends, but that's another story). Anyway we dated from ages 20-27 and broke up because I didn't want to move to Texas where he got a job offer, and he didn't want to move to Connecticut where I got a job offer. Long story short, I wasted my 20's thinking "he was the one" and "it was meant to be" since we knew each other since we were 10 years old. We never talked about the "what-ifs" of me graduating college and him graduating law school. It was just the assumption I would go wherever he got a job

So here's the take-away from this, chill out. Enjoy your life, it's fine if you want to be engaged right now, but have a long engagement, get to know each other. Your goals will change. Don't pick the first apple that falls out of the tree.

If I was 23 again.....I would be single and having the time of my life!

Not engaged yet but still do dream of my perfect day. :)

Re: Not engaged yet but still do dream of my perfect day. :)

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