Venting on something that is just so hard for me to get over and let go of...

allylovesyou · July 2013

I don't want to drive my husband up the wall with this, and though it's something he and my siblings and some friends I talked to said was perfectly ok, I have to vent. I feel like we did something completely wrong.

There was so much poking and prodding I had to do with my husband for us to greet tables because we actually took the time to sit down at our sweetheart table to enjoy our meal. His brother told us that we looked like a couple of wedding cake toppers because we were just sitting there, but honestly I had had a stressful morning already with my hair/makeup person being late, I needed a second to breathe, plus my husband said to make sure we sat down and actually ate.

I regret this decision now, because what ended up happening was that our reception kind of took on it's own life. My mother-in-law and basically his entire side of the family are such the outgoing, parting type, which I never realized, she started dancing right at the beginning of dinner, even though the music was light-hearted kinda slow dinner music. From that point on, it was hard to go from table to table because no one was ever at seated at their table from the time that dinner even started.

I had continued to freak out and stress out about how rude this was. I still do. I feel so horrible. I felt rushed because the photographer let me know that her time was almost up and my events spilled into after she was gone, my wedding coordinator who had been great up until that, I felt so disappointed because she had reassured me about doing the the table greetings and moving right along, but we never even officially got to start to do that with her because I couldn't find her at some moments. when I finally had some free time in between, some of the guests started leaving early, so i couldn't even get to their table.

We both had plenty of people who yes started coming up to us to say hi, but my husband and I were almost never together at the same time, besides for the usual wedding events. I just sit here wondering if there was anyone that felt slighted or that we were being rude. But I continually keep hearing from everyone that I should be happy that everyone was having a great time (that's all I keep hearing) and that they were so happy to see us happy. But the little voice in the back of my head has this regret. My parents even said I should have gone from table to table (which I tried to do with my H), but we didn't even get to see everyone.

I don't know what else to think about it...it just makes me so anxious....

walgrrl · July 2013

Don't feel too bad about it. I really think people understand that on your wedding day you are so busy and you are being pulled in a million different directions. Plus, it sounds like all your guests were having such a great time, most of them probably never even noticed that you didn't do the table visits.

Table visits are a lot harder to pull off than you think they would be. I know this because we intended to do it at our wedding and never got the chance. Thank goodness we at least did a receiving line.

My plan was to start table visits immediately after H and I finished eating our dinner. Right when we got to the first table, the DJ came over and told us it was time for parent dances. Then right after that, it was time to cut the cake. Right after that happened, open dancing started and a lot of people went out on the dance floor. From that moment on, I was no longer in control of what happened to me, lol. There were people pulling me over to talk or take pictures with them all the time, or it was time to toss the bouquet and garter, or the photographer wanted to take us outside for a few more picture, then it was time for the anniversary dance.

I never had a moment to myself and I barely even spent any time with my groom. I only got to go to the bathroom twice from the time I put my dress on until the end of the night. I only made it to the bar once. By the time all this was done, people starting leaving and kept coming up to me to say goodbye. I barely even got to dance at my own wedding, let alone do table visits. There were people at our wedding that the only time I got to talk to them was in the receiving line.

I felt bad about it, but it was out of my control and people seemed to understand. Everyone seemed to have a great time, so I don't think anyone minded. Just keep in mind that you tried your best, your guests understand, and I'm sure no one really missed it that much.

jenn5628 · July 2013

I agree that you're over-worrying about this. It sounds like everyone had fun. It's not like you were too busy canoodling with your new husband, while your guests waited at their tables to be acknowledged by you. If I were you and felt bad, I would maybe add an extra line in the TY notes like 'I wish we had had more chance to visit' or something like that.

Simply Fated · July 2013

You're definitely taking "table visits" way too literally lol.
The point of table visits is to visit with guests. If they aren't at the table, it's not a big deal. You could have just spent time with them at another point. You and DH did not have to be in the same place at the same time.

It's way more important that you took time to eat and spent a quiet moment with your new husband.
Your guests had fun, which is also super important.

AddieCake · July 2013

As long as you were actively mingling with everyone, I'm sure nobody felt slighted. My aunt just went to a wedding on Friday, and she said the bride never mingled with anyone. She stood off with her friends the whole time while the groom mingled. THAT was rude.

ChiGirl2013 · July 2013

If you had a receiving line, I wouldn't even think twice about it. You said hello to everyone that way and that's it.

To be honest, it annoys me when the bride and groom come around when I'm eating and expect us to stop eating to talk to them. Usually the wait staff have a certain number of minutes for each course and if we have to stop and talk to the couple, we miss a course or two. In the long run, it doesn't matter but if the food is amazing, to be honest, I'd rather eat and mingle later on. Most weddings I've been to lately, the bride and groom have done exactly what you did - enjoyed their dinner. They're entitled to eat just like everyone else. There will be time before or after dinner to talk to people and if you don't get to every last person, they'll understand.... especially if you have a large reception. You can't be expected to do nothing but greet people all night long, especially if you've already done so in your receiving line.

Jen4948 · July 2013

You tried to make the effort-sometimes circumstances are just such that you might not have had the chance to speak to everyone. It sounds like that's what happened to you. Don't blame yourself.

melb2013 · July 2013

This is exactly why a receiving line is necessary- people are never in their seats all at the same time. People dance, they socialize, etc. Table visits are no guarantee you will talk to every person. Our guests seemed like they were never in their seats!

There is nothing wrong with you eating. You should have eaten!

You need to let it go. There is nothing you can do now about anything that went wrong at your wedding. I kinda felt badly that even though we had a receiving line, afterwards we ate, and then focused on dancing the night away, instead of socializing more. Nothing can be done now, and I know logically that nobody would have expected anything else from us.

Venting on something that is just so hard for me to get over and let go of...

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