HELP PLEASE MOMZILLA ON THE RISE AND I DONT WANT TO HURT HER!

emdotrock · July 2013

So I am currently just now piecing together what I want for our wedding. My fiance tells me to just do whatever I want, he doesn't care, as long as I am there and we are happy, that's all that matters. My mom on the other hand, has personally decided that she wants us to get married at her mothers nursing home. Which is all the way in north Oklahoma, while basically everyone else from his family and our friends all live in Arlington/Dallas Texas area. She has not offered to pay for any part of the wedding, and if she does she will make sure that if anything does not go her way, she will pull all her money back. I don't care if i have to pay for all of the brides side of bills, I just don't know how else to explain to her that getting married at a nursing home is no ones wish. I already tried to tell her that I did not want to get married there, and she just brushed it off and asked me again after about 5 minutes. I then explained that it would not be fair to anyone else involved in the wedding (guest or party members) if we did it in Oklahoma, and the chances of most of my fiances family being there would be slim to none. She also hates every dress I love (she called them all too inappropriate for a wedding dress and would be better as the evening after, they were just mermaid gowns, nothing revealing at all), which is just being almost the last straw, especially when she added that she wanted to be a bridesmaid since in her words "i dont have enough friends". If this is any indication of what the rest of wedding planning is going to be like, i really don't think i have enough patience to make it through with out ripping my hair out. I have no idea what to do, I have no idea if she is even a momzilla or if this is just normal. WHO ASKS TO BE A BRIDESMAID ANYWAYS? I wouldnt mind if we went to visit my grandmother again like we already do on her birthdays and holidays, but I feel my mom is going extremely crazy. She seems offended also that getting married at a nursing home isn't a dream of mine. If anyone has any help please let me know.

Maggie0829 · July 2013

Stop talking wedding with her. You and your FI should pay for the wedding and plan it accordingly so that you have final say over everything. Send her an invite and leave it at that.

I am sorry your Mom is acting like this. Weddings can bring out the best and unfortunatley the worst in people. If you don't like her opinions then don't tell her anything about your plans. Go wedding dress shopping with your friends or other family members that know your style and who you trust will give you honest opinions and not just push what they like on you. As for the Bm comment, just ignore it.

ifeelgoodifeelgreatifeelwonderful · July 2013

First of all, do not accept any money if she offers. With that being said, no pay no say. I would try to distance the wedding talk and plans when speaking with her. If you envisioned planning this day with your mom (I know I plan on having my mom with me when I buy my dress) then attempt a heart to heart with her. If that back fires then at least you know you tried.
A wedding at a nursing home...never heard of this and maybe the nursing home won't even allow this.

emdotrock · July 2013

THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH! I really just didn't want to offend my mom, and I'm glad y'all could help me figure out a way to work with this. I love her to bits, but I really hate confrontation with her. I'm hoping this is just a phase she is going through and she can really be a part of the wedding, if not, well I guess all the details can just be a surprise for her. I'm sure I can find something she can take over without stressing me out. Maybe she can taste cakes with me since I'm not really fond of cake anyways. I was just shocked she was calling Grecian gowns "too revealing and provocative for a wedding" Again thank you so much!

stantokm · July 2013

Wow, I really feel for you. I agree with the PPs. Don't accept any money from her. Pick a venue with your fiance and tell her about it after it's a done deal. For some reason it's very important to her that her mother be able to witness your wedding, but that doesn't mean that you need to cater to that. Perhaps you could work with the nursing home to set up some way for your grandmother to watch the wedding through Skype or something? Or arrange a time after you get your pro pics back to visit her and look at pictures together.

Your mom is being a little crazy, but some mothers just get like that when it's their daughter's wedding. If she complains to you about your choices, ignore her. Leave the room or change the subject, but don't engage her. Let her know that your decision has been made and then stop talking about it. Good luck!!

Blue & White · July 2013

We actually looked at a venue that was a nursing home (it was one of our reasons for not choosing that venue). It was actually a very lovely venue but it just seemed weird that people lived there.

The other posters have great advice here. Good luck!!

emdotrock · July 2013

I actually am major lacking in the boob department, there is actually no way for a boob to pop out of anywhere for me. life long swim team has basically formed my body into a streamline body with not a single curve, my waist doesnt even go in really. The dress shown is what she said was way too provocative. It is basically a sweet heart neckline that dips an extra smidge in the middle. FMIL has actually offered to pay for FI and I to go and get married alone if MOB doesnt want to play nice, since she knows i buckle under stress from my mom. I am going to have to sit down with the future in laws and see what they would like to pay for since they have already said that they refuse to pick anything for us since it is our day. I will start my budgeting and do as much DIY as possible. Thanks everyone for all the awesome help! @Stantokm FI and I would totally visit her, she sadly is forgetting who her own grandchildren are though, so its always hard to explain to her who he is every time he visits. Its so hard.

emdotrock · July 2013

emdotrock · July 2013

heres the dress she thinks is inappropriate.

KeptInStitches · July 2013

I personally would find that a little immodest depending on your venue - like I know that wouldn't fly in the churches in my area. Just for what it's worth.

kmmssg · July 2013

Yeah, that's not a dress for most churches I know.

Amsdragonfly · July 2013

That is a cool looking dress, but a little low cut for me personally- what does the bottom look like?

QueerFemme · July 2013

emdotrock said:

heres the dress she thinks is inappropriate.

I personally think that dress is inappropriate for a wedding also, unless maybe it's a Vegas party wedding.

Maggie0829 · July 2013

I have seen that dress a lot over on Pinterest. Two thoughts come to mind when I see it. First thought...wow that girl has an amazing figure and that dress is really interesting looking. Second thought...damn that is really low cut and good thing she doesn't have big boobs.

And no that is not just a basic sweetheart that dips an extra smidge. That dips a lot.

emdotrock · July 2013

We will not be married in any church, we don't go with the whole "God" thing. I also didnt notice that it was extra low, it doesnt seem like it to me, maybe because there is no boob popping out of the top like most princess/ball gown dresses i see. I have weight problems (cant put on weight) so i was recently put on a diet to try to add some pounds to my body, hopefully it will give me some womanly features (i doubt it, but fingers crossed) I dont think any dress is going to look good on me due to the fact i dont have a waist that goes in much, and i have no chest or back side

so i was hoping to show off my back since its the only part of my body i like. I was going for a Grecian style gown with a bit of sparkle to keep the eyes off my body, but more onto the dress. I told my FMIL i wanted to do something like "Mount Olympus has a red carpet night." That dress i showed actually wasnt even something i am wanting to wear, i just thought it was pretty. Here is the kind of dress im wanting to wear, if there is something inappropriate about it, im sure you ladies will let me know, thank you i appreciate it. Even though we arent getting married in a church, id still like to not look like a hussy. My FI has stated that he wants me to looks "sexy" at the wedding, which is something i rarely do, i only own one dress in my closet that can be considered a "party" dress. Ive worn it twice. I repeat, i hate my body, and never show it off ever. So here is the dress style i am leaning towards.

emdotrock · July 2013

Please dont be rude when you alert me how non modest these are, a simple kind of way saying it will be enough.

emdotrock · July 2013

Please dont be rude when you alert me how non modest these are, a simple kind of way saying it will be enough.

emdotrock · July 2013

I just noticed there is a slit in the middle dress, i am not looking to show any leg, i have bad knees so there will be no slits in my gown. I know thats not modest, but again, we are not getting married in any church or any religious place. No one in our families are religious so its ok to show a little shoulder guys. The last one i think is too low cut, and i would make it less. My FMIL loves when i wear maxi dresses like it though so i know they dont mind it, i just would feel naked, so thats my choice.

Maggie0829 · July 2013

I think that if you love your back then you should definitely show it off.

Out of the three dresses you posted I like the first because it has a bit of glitz to it which I think is important if you are going with a simple shilouette.

I also found these dresses from Maggie Sottero. All of them have a little something something going on in the back and they still stick with the Grecian look you seem to like, plus they are all sexy but not slutty

http://www.maggiesottero.com/dress.aspx?style=3MW773

http://www.maggiesottero.com/dress.aspx?style=3MC736

http://www.maggiesottero.com/dress.aspx?style=113513

http://www.maggiesottero.com/dress.aspx?style=A3660

emdotrock · July 2013

a million trillion billion thanks @maggie0829

emdotrock · July 2013

I love glitz! i cant wear strapless since itll fall off, ive never had a strapless top or dress stay up, even with fancy bras that are made to keep them up. I also and not fond of the fabric flowers i see so commonly on dresses, i think its pretty on them, but its not my style. Thank you for the dresses though! ill add them to my "should try on" list.

KeptInStitches · July 2013

The first two dresses you posted in your next run are lovely! The third one I find a touch immodest, not because it shows shoulders, but because of the ... center-boob action going on. It's like those dresses girls wore to the prom at my school where every mom's eyebrows went up, you know? In the ones Maggie posted, I really think that "Melody" and "Sonora" are beautiful as well.

emdotrock · July 2013

HAHAHAHA CENTER BOOB!! THATS GREAT! I think if i liked rouching, broaches, and fabric flowers, then i would like those a lot, but those make me feel like im in a prom dress. I did agree that the last one was too low cut for my taste, i just like the more relaxed maxi dress feel to it. If the second one didnt have a slit going up it, thats what i would picture myself in hands down. Add some sparkle and glamor with jewelry and thats about it. I really have found tons of bridesmaid dresses that are closer to what i am wanting to wear, i wish i could just add a train on. My opinion on illusion dresses is that it looks like snake skin trying to peel off, so it makes me feel either slightly grandmother-ish or reptilian. I super loved the back on Sonora though, its amazing.

emdotrock · July 2013

I must say, i love a lot of Jenny Packham and Anna Campbell designs, i just wish i had a better body to work with so i could wear something that flattered me.

southernbelle0915 · July 2013

Sorry that your mom is being this way. Decline any money she offers and stop talking wedding with her.

Here are a couple of other dresses that might be a little more modest but emphasize your back and have the greek look:

http://www.allurebridals.com/products/2662

http://www.davidsbridal.com/Product_Long-Jersey-Gown-with-Beaded-Knot-Detail-XS4226_Bridal-Gowns-Shop-By-Style-Destination

http://www.jlmcouture.com/Lazaro/Bridal/Spring/2013/Style-3307

OliveOilsMom · July 2013

I think if you take these pictures of dress to a good bridal salon, your consultant will be able to pull dress that will work for you. Good luck in your search! You will find the perfect dress!

As to your mom, if she starts talking about the wedding, just keep changing the topic. We call it bean dipping here. For example:

Mom - I don't like that dress, you should get this one. You - Mom, have you had this bean dip - it tastes delicious! Mom - that nursing home your mom lives in is perfect for your wedding. Have it there. You - Wow! I've never had bean dip this good, I'm going to find the recipe for this!

Eventually your mom will get the hint, hopefully, that you don't want to talk wedding with her. If she refuses to stop talking wedding just say "Mom, I love you, but we have two different visions for the wedding. So I'm not going to speak with you about the wedding any further."

emdotrock · July 2013

I want to go to a bridal shop, but what happens if they dont have anything in my style, will they still try to get me to try on dresses that i dont think will look good on me? Or would they be straight up and tell me when i make the appointment that they dont have anything Grecian style.

OliveOilsMom · July 2013

emdotrock said:

I want to go to a bridal shop, but what happens if they dont have anything in my style, will they still try to get me to try on dresses that i dont think will look good on me? Or would they be straight up and tell me when i make the appointment that they dont have anything Grecian style.

Personally, you should just go and try on dresses they have. Find designers you like first and go to places that have those designers. My first dress choice (in photos) was completely the opposite of what I ended up buying. So don't be afraid to try on a dress because of the shape. As long as you like the dress generally, try it on. Do not be pressured into buying something you only half like either. My dress had the ruffles going down the skirt, while I liked that style, I didn't think it would work with my frame. I tried it on and couldn't believe that the style I liked actually worked on me. Unless you are 100% set on a Grecian style, try it on! Make sure you tell your consultant what you want: sleeves, back showing etc. Also, remember that they can add sleeves/straps to any dress. I have an ample top but wanted the straps added to my dress so I didn't have to keep tugging it up all night!

emdotrock · July 2013

thanks ladies!!! I guess ill just go in with an open mind, i really hope more designers start to come out with grecian options, instead of just the super expensive over seas options.

Friskypuppys · July 2013

When you make the appointment be specific that you want Grecian style and ask if they carry it. That way you aren't surprised if you get there and they don't have it.

allispain · July 2013

Definitely try on dresses in multiple styles if the consultants suggest them - if you're worried about feeling pressured by them, just find a shop that gets really goos reviews from its brides and go there.

One of my BMs and I's wedding dates are a month apart (I just got married several weeks ago, hers is coming up next week). We both went shopping with the exact same type of dress in mind - "simply, classic, elegant and shows off my figure without being too sexy." My dress ended up having ruffles on the bottom - something I never would have thought would look good on me or that I would even like since I'm not very "girly." Hers ended up having a keyhole back, lace, and lots of sparkle. She usually doesn't like lace or sparkle.

So basically, you just never know!

HELP PLEASE MOMZILLA ON THE RISE AND I DONT WANT TO HURT HER!

Re: HELP PLEASE MOMZILLA ON THE RISE AND I DONT WANT TO HURT HER!

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