FMIL crashing the honeymoon!!??

[Deleted User] · July 2013

So advice is needed in handling a sticky situation with my FMIL. we have had our honeymoon booked for months. A wonderful week in London followed by a wonderful week in Paris!

Over the weekend my FMIL tells me her and her boyfriend booked a trip to Paris and London for August. And I had to ask her several times when she was going before she gave me a straight answer. She kept just saying oh the middle of the month or you will be back way before us. And finally I point blank said are you going to be there at the same time what day do you leave for Paris. And behold we are overlapping the week in Paris.

We have had so many problems with her durring the wedding like getting the same color dress as my mother after she was asked to get a different color and shown a swatch. Or lying to guests about who is paying or trying to change items on an already chosen menu because she didn't like what we had already chosen.

So needless to say when I heard she was vacationing there during our honeymoon I felt nauseas. She is very pushy and feelings ate easily hurt.

Should we nicely tell her now that although we will be in the same place at the same time we really want our privacy? I don't want to be mean. But everyone I've told thinks its crazy she didn't double check dates with us and thinks its crazy she is going to the same place during our honeymoon. A trip I was dreaming of is now causing me mega anxiety and I'm not sure if I should lay down boundaries now or hope for the best.

Any thoughts?

crysspears · July 2013

dont say anything.. if she wants to meet up, jut say no.. or if she calls to invite you somewhere, decline. dont make it an ordeal

shaygray88 · July 2013

I totally agree with @crysspears. No need for a big blowout.

pam8787 · July 2013

Yea for now don't say anything now. Just leave it alone. If she invites you to meet up just say no.

pam8787 · July 2013

But I must admit that sounds like one Great MIL you have. (Sarcasm)

dem068 · July 2013

I also would have your FI deal with her. She is his mother. Just have him tell her (only if she brings it up, don't even bring it up if she doesn't), this is our honeymoon, we are going to spend the time together, alone, as a newly married couple. And leave it at that. No if, ands or buts about it. Luckly both of those cities are very large. I would also share NONE of your plans ahead of time, so they can't "happen" to show up those places at the same time. Sorry to hear that she is being so annyoing (and sounds like she is annoying in general), but I hope you are still SO excited to get married and have an amazing honeymoon!!!

MrsH86 · July 2013

I agree with everyone else ^^^ ....... this is your HONEYMOON, not a family vacation! But try not to let it bother you. Once you get on the plane with your husband... you will be having the time of your life!

Enjoy your trip!!

[Deleted User] · July 2013

Thanks Everyone! I hope we don't have any issues! And I think not bringing it up yet is a good idea but then being firm if and when she does. My biggest concern is that she keeps saying that she's worried about the trip because her boyfriend has bi polar disorder and she keeps saying she doesn't know what she would do if he is depressed on the trip. I'm worried, and she is the type in situations to possibly contact us saying she can't deal with her boyfriend, can we meet up? While we are in Paris. And that is not something I want to happen either. It almost seems like she is waiting for us to say "don't worry we will be there if it gets difficult. But she is choosing to take this trip with him. I don't want it to end up being our problem because we are conveniently in the same city. That's the only reason I was considering saying something before hand.

Trying not to worry about it too much! It wil be a great trip!

avolker1 · July 2013

We are going to Paris and Italy and I plan on keeping my phone off the entire time. I have a company phone so it's useless to me overseas. I suggest you guys let everyone know you won't be accessible by phone and you'll check your email every few days. Even if you are going to use your phone there I would just say you won't be reachable by phone because of international charges.

[Deleted User] · July 2013

She actually said something about getting international calling in case something happens with him and said "weren't you the one who told me about it?" And I said no. Lol I said my FIvand I are definitely not going to have phone service. So that makes us a little more unreachable. But we had told her in the past what hotel we are staying in but I hope she doesn't remember.

1FairMaiden · July 2013

Did you give her an itinerary? If you haven't, don't! she doesn't need to know where you are staying, when you'll be at what tourist attraction, etc.

I understand how, in this situation, it's not as easy as "just say no," because her feelings are easily hurt. I think your FI needs to have a careful conversation with her explaining that that TWO of you (not just you... don't get turned into the bad guy!) would like your privacy.

if she mentions something about international calling or cell phones or whatever, flatly tell her that the two of you have decided that you want complete privacy, and will not be looking into either of those as an option. If nothing else, Paris is a big city. Hopefully you won't run into her!

garbasaurus · July 2013

I know these are big places but if you're both playing tourist, it's possible to be going to the same sites. I understand what everyone is saying but I totally think it's fine to be pissed about this. My FMIL did this to my fiance's brother and sister in law. His parents booked a trip during the same week they were on their honeymoon in Disney. If it was me in either your situation or theirs, I'd subconsciously always be looking out for them and not really enjoy my vacation because of it.

I say you should cut a b**** after all it sounds like you've been through with her.

theretamaragoes · July 2013

crysspears said:

dont say anything.. if she wants to meet up, jut say no.. or if she calls to invite you somewhere, decline. dont make it an ordeal

I second this.

Also, if she happens to try to call you when you are in Paris, you could always conveniently have your phone off (you know, because you are in PARIS).

[Deleted User] · July 2013

My FI is planning on speaking with her and nicely saying that we know this probably wouldn't be an issue but just to be certain we really want our privacy. Otherwise I will be too worried about it when we are there. I think honesty is best and a conversation setting the boundaries is the best way to ensure no one is upset and everyone enjoys their time in Paris. Thanks everyone!

FMIL crashing the honeymoon!!??

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