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Awkward MOH Situation

katnanfullkatnanfull
in Wedding Party
My MOH recently left her husband (he's one of the groomsmen, and our roommate), and moved out of state. Since she's not going to be around during the planning stages, and might not feel comfortable coming to the wedding (she's mentioned it several times), is there a way to ask her if it's ok with her to not be in the wedding party? Is there anyway to ask something like that without looking and feeling like a huge jerk?
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Re: Awkward MOH Situation

  • auriannaaurianna member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    edited July 2013
    Unless you want to sever the friendship with her, there is no way to kick her out of the wedding party without being a jerk. (And if she's going through a divorce, extra jerky move).

    If you want to keep her as a friend, you leave her in the wedding. She doesn't need to be involved in any planning. You, your fiance, and anyone else hosting your wedding plans that.

    All she needs to do is get the dress, show up at the ceremony sober and on time, and smile for pictures and she's done all she needs to do to be your MOH. If she doesn't get the dress or tells you she can't do it anymore, she'll take herself out, so there's no need for you to do that.

    ETA:
    Aside from trying on a few of the bridesmaid's dresses to see if they liked them, and a wonderful bach party my girls gave me as a gift, none of my bridesmaids were really involved in any sort of planning and they all felt comfortable enough to come to the wedding. No need for concern on that front.
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  • efmcc67efmcc67 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    edited July 2013
    No, don't ask her if she doesn't want to be in the wedding party. There's no way to ask this and not look like the bad guy. This will feel like a big rejection to her, and she's probably already feeling pretty terrible. As @aurianna said, she doesn't have to be around for the planning. My entire wedding party is out of town, and it's perfectly fine.

    ETA: fixed typo
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Ditto PPs. Not being around for planning/helping is irrelevant as nobody is required to help you. If she feels uncomfortable being in the wedding party or coming to the wedding, she will let you know. I suggest limiting wedding talk with her and be her friend instead of a bride whenever you talk. That way, if she IS thinking of dropping out, she will more likely either feel comfortable enough to tell you (I imagine she might be nervous to drop out) OR maybe decide hey, this is my dear friend, and even though I will feel awkward with the ex around, I want to do this. 


    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • mlg78mlg78 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    If she has mentioned not being comfortable at the wedding I'd ask if there is anything you can do to help make her comfortable. That may open the lines of communication so she steps down on her own. If it doesn't, don't push it. You gave her the opportunity to discuss it. She may be having a hard time finding the words to say to do it but who knows... Just be a supportive friend which is what she needs most now.
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