Dollar Dance Alternative?

keverhart123 · March 2013

I'm looking for some dollar dance alternatives. We aren't opposed to it, but we would like to do something different than the traditional and expected dollar dance. Anyone have ideas??

Lored · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_dollar-dance-alternative-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:0f9f0a7c-a9af-4371-9ceb-35764c6277e0Post:8f570897-fac2-4172-9750-0769cd5758c0">Dollar Dance Alternative?</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm looking for some dollar dance alternatives. We aren't opposed to it, but we would like to do something different than the traditional and expected dollar dance. Anyone have ideas??
Posted by keverhart123[/QUOTE]

I've never heard of the dollar dance until I started lurking here. I guess it's a regional thing?

Honestly, if its what I think it is, it screams tacky. Not sure what other fundraising ideas you are looking for at your wedding.

daria24 · March 2013

The usual suggestion is a "well wishes" dance, you ask everyone to write you a wish/message on a slip of paper and they drop that into the bag instead of money.

AddieCake · March 2013

It's always in poor taste to hit people up for money. If you must do this, I suggest you take Daria's advice and gather well-wishes, not money.

mrsbobfilson · March 2013

In America, practice of a money dance varies by geographic region and ethnic background of the families involved. It typically involves guests giving small sums of cash to the bride or pinning cash to her gown or veil. Sometimes the money is placed in an apron held by the maid of honor or a female relative and the best man gives shots of whiskey to participants before the dance.

Even cultures that accept this may balk at paying the groom for his time and attention, so alternatives have developed, such as "paying" the groom with play money or a stick of chewing gum. Some consider this a way for the bride and groom to have face time with their guests and to wish them luck. Some couples place a small bowl on each table for guests to leave cash or checks so that guests won't feel obligated to 'pay' for a short dance with the bride or groom, while still giving them the opportunity to spend 30–60 seconds chatting and dancing with them as the newlywed couple visits each table. Others say that the money will be for their firstborn child so the money is not for the couple.

PS The dollar dance has been around FOREVER!

Lored · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_dollar-dance-alternative-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:0f9f0a7c-a9af-4371-9ceb-35764c6277e0Post:80aa2ab5-670f-4e10-a625-668b8aa340f5">Re: Dollar Dance Alternative?</a>:
[QUOTE]In America, practice of a money dance varies by geographic region and ethnic background of the families involved. It typically involves guests giving small sums of cash to the bride or pinning cash to her gown or veil. Sometimes the money is placed in an apron held by the maid of honor or a female relative and the best man gives shots of whiskey to participants before the dance. Even cultures that accept this may balk at paying the groom for his time and attention, so alternatives have developed, such as "paying" the groom with play money or a stick of chewing gum . Some consider this a way for the bride and groom to have face time with their guests and to wish them luck. Some couples place a small bowl on each table for guests to leave cash or checks so that guests won't feel obligated to 'pay' for a short dance with the bride or groom, while still giving them the opportunity to spend 30–60 seconds chatting and dancing with them as the newlywed couple visits each table. Others say that the money will be for their firstborn child so the money is not for the couple. PS The dollar dance has been around FOREVER!
Posted by mrsbobfilson[/QUOTE]

Thank you for the historical info. Sorry if this is anyone's "norm", it just makes me nauseous. At best, you're asking your hosted guests for money. At worst, you are "paying for face time" with bride and groom. A gracious bride and groom should be able to say a quick thank you to each guest without monetary incentive.

MuppetFan · March 2013

Dollar Dances were popular in the 80s. I've seen a few in recent years and was disgusted.

Well wishes is a good idea.

FI thought dollar dances were the norm and thought if we didn't have it, it wouldn't be fun. Our compromise was that he can have the chicken dance.

alithebride · March 2013

yeah i have a suggestion. dance with the guests that you invited to celebrate your marriage for free!!

keverhart123 · March 2013

wow I didn't realize that dollar dances were so looked down upon. I've never been to a wedding that didn't have one. Personally, I don't think giving up $1 to have a little fun is something to "disgust" you. Thanks for those who shared some ideas though.

thejucheidea · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_dollar-dance-alternative-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:0f9f0a7c-a9af-4371-9ceb-35764c6277e0Post:42b46974-1c20-44de-b5f5-c54431e15529">Re: Dollar Dance Alternative?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dollar Dance Alternative? : Honey, It is your wedding do what you want to... We are doing a $ dance... Our family and Friends would be disappointed if we did not...
Posted by mom23jv[/QUOTE]
You give bad advice and should be ashamed of yourself for your failure.

ROBINRENE5 · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_dollar-dance-alternative-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:0f9f0a7c-a9af-4371-9ceb-35764c6277e0Post:1b18592d-1f33-4cb7-b267-1c66e6f3d063">Re: Dollar Dance Alternative?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dollar Dance Alternative? : So Sorry that you feel that way. It is her wedding, and I stand behind my advice. She should do how she wants too.... Cyndi
Posted by mom23jv[/QUOTE]

I am not a usual poster here, and even I know better than to advise this! I think the whole point of these boards is to get advice so you don't look ridiculous at your wedding - not just to be told to do what you want because it is "your wedding." We all have "our wedding," but that doesn't mean we don't need to follow etiquette.

I like the idea of the well-wished dance if your looking for an alternative. This actually sounds like a nice alternative. I have been to a wedding with a dollar dance, but I had never seen this prior to and was slightly taken back by it. I'm not sure if it is a regional thing, but it surely isn't "my thing."

thejucheidea · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_dollar-dance-alternative-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:5Discussion:0f9f0a7c-a9af-4371-9ceb-35764c6277e0Post:1b18592d-1f33-4cb7-b267-1c66e6f3d063">Re: Dollar Dance Alternative?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dollar Dance Alternative? : So Sorry that you feel that way. It is her wedding, and I stand behind my advice. She should do how she wants too.... Cyndi
Posted by mom23jv[/QUOTE]

It stops being all about the bride when she decides to marry the groom and gets guests involved. It's not polite to ask for cash and that's a fact. If she wants to look like a gift-grabbing, disrespectful bride, then fine, she can do her happy little dollar dance. If someone did that at a wedding I was attending, I would walk out because that is pretty much the tackiest thing ever.

MuppetFan · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_dollar-dance-alternative-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:0f9f0a7c-a9af-4371-9ceb-35764c6277e0Post:42b46974-1c20-44de-b5f5-c54431e15529">Re: Dollar Dance Alternative?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dollar Dance Alternative? : Honey, It is your wedding do what you want to... We are doing a $ dance... Our family and Friends would be disappointed if we did not...
Posted by mom23jv[/QUOTE]

Actually, they're going to be thinking how disappointing and rude it is.

They might not say it to your face because it's your wedding day and 10 people might dance with you thinking it's cool, but there's going to be LOTS of people openly discussing it at tables. I was at a wedding in December when a whole table used the dollar dance as the time to take off.

tara.c · March 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_dollar-dance-alternative-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:0f9f0a7c-a9af-4371-9ceb-35764c6277e0Post:eb644095-daa8-4e32-ad0b-a1238a6c0444">Re: Dollar Dance Alternative?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Dollar Dance Alternative? : It stops being all about the bride when she decides to marry the groom and gets guests involved. It's not polite to ask for cash and that's a fact. If she wants to look like a gift-grabbing, disrespectful bride, then fine, she can do her happy little dollar dance. If someone did that at a wedding I was attending, I would walk out because that is pretty much the tackiest thing ever.
Posted by ahstillwell[/QUOTE]
I do think dollar dances are tacker, but I think it's far tackier to walk out because you aren't a fan of your friend's taste! I've been to plenty of weddings with dollar dances, cash bars, etc., and while I wasn't neccessarily a fan, I didn't begrudge the bride and groom. I go a wedding because I care about the people getting married, not for the food or alcohol or to admire the good sense of the happy couple. You might want to try that approach sometime!
That said, no, OP does not need a dollar dance alternative! While I think many people on here get <em>way</em> too worked up over the issue, it does come off as a little low class.

mrsbobfilson · March 2013

The dollar dance is a tradition to many heritages. Many people here do not seem to realize that. ITS NOT HITTING PEOPLE UP FOR MONEY! Its considered a good luck dance. If you chose not to have one don't do it. But don't put down the people who chose to do it.

ils2004 · April 2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_reception-ideas_dollar-dance-alternative-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:5Discussion:0f9f0a7c-a9af-4371-9ceb-35764c6277e0Post:21a0cb26-bb8d-4a06-8d7a-33a1f5de49dd">Re: Dollar Dance Alternative?</a>:
[QUOTE]The dollar dance is a tradition to many heritages. Many people here do not seem to realize that. ITS NOT HITTING PEOPLE UP FOR MONEY!
Posted by mrsbobfilson[/QUOTE]

<div>But it is hitting people up for money, because you are requiring your guest to give the couple money in order to dance. While dollar dances may be tradition for some folks, it still is against etiquette.</div><div>
</div><div>For the OP, I think a well wishes dance would be a nice alternative.</div>

carrieicp · July 2013

The 'money dance' has been a fun tradition I've seen at every wedding I've been to in southwestern PA. Some of the guests even get creative and tie the money in a knot or some other shape. I'm offended that someone who knows nothing of the tradition would just consider it 'tacky.' I don't look at other traditions and judge them, that is just ignorant. My family would be shocked and disappointed if we didn't have the money dance.

QueerFemme · July 2013

carrieicp said:

The 'money dance' has been a fun tradition I've seen at every wedding I've been to in southwestern PA. Some of the guests even get creative and tie the money in a knot or some other shape. I'm offended that someone who knows nothing of the tradition would just consider it 'tacky.' I don't look at other traditions and judge them, that is just ignorant. My family would be shocked and disappointed if we didn't have the money dance.

Just because something is a tradition in a certain circle, doesn't make it less tacky or rude. It s a tradition in our circle as well, and yet, we still chose not to do it. Some people were bummed, but they easily got over it when I said "I'm not a stripper. I will dance with you and you don't even have to pay me".

guests should never be asked to open their wallet for any reason at your wedding. If you want to maintain the tradition, you can do the dance without asking for cash.

harper0813 · July 2013

carrieicp said:
The 'money dance' has been a fun tradition I've seen at every wedding I've been to in southwestern PA. Some of the guests even get creative and tie the money in a knot or some other shape. I'm offended that someone who knows nothing of the tradition would just consider it 'tacky.' I don't look at other traditions and judge them, that is just ignorant. My family would be shocked and disappointed if we didn't have the money dance.

I know a lot about the tradition. I've seen every variation. Walking from table to table with an apron, dollar dance... my extended family is Polish and every wedding in my family has had a dollar dance. My fiancé is dying to do one. And being a person who is knowledgeable about the tradition, I believe it is extremely rude and tacky to solicit money from your guests. Like, it's an extra $50. It will pay for one cab on your honeymoon. Or one guest's meal. How is putting your guests in a position where they feel guilted into opening their wallets worth $50?

Needless to say, we are not doing a dollar dance.

I don't look down on any of my family members who had them, because I don't think they knew any better, especially when my grandpa was so insistent that they do it (he's pressuring me too). But if someone knows better and has been advised on how rude it is and that someone still has it - then I'm embarrassed for him/her.

MissMolly · July 2013

Lored said:

In Response to Dollar Dance Alternative?:
I'm looking for some dollar dance alternatives. We aren't opposed to it, but we would like to do something different than the traditional and expected dollar dance. Anyone have ideas??
Posted by keverhart123
I've never heard of the dollar dance until I started lurking here. I guess it's a regional thing? Honestly, if its what I think it is, it screams tacky. Not sure what other fundraising ideas you are looking for at your wedding.

Ditto, I'm from Canada, and the first time I heard of dollar dances was on these boards. Maybe it's a US thing??

efmcc67 · July 2013

I've only been to US weddings, and I've never seen a dollar dance.

raquelort23 · July 2013

My FI is Cambodian and at his family's wedding receptions, envelopes are placed on the tables for guests to put money in. The Bride and Groom then go to each table to greet the guests and collect the envelopes with money. To make it more interesting, some tables assign a "speaker" for that table and ask the Bride and Groom to do something (kiss, take a shot, pick up the bride, etc) before handing over the envelope.
When I told my FI about the etiquette involving money and guests, he said "But our family expects the envelopes and if it's not there, everyone's going ask where they are." Just a different spin on this

Jen4948 · July 2013

raquelort23 said:

My FI is Cambodian and at his family's wedding receptions, envelopes are placed on the tables for guests to put money in. The Bride and Groom then go to each table to greet the guests and collect the envelopes with money. To make it more interesting, some tables assign a "speaker" for that table and ask the Bride and Groom to do something (kiss, take a shot, pick up the bride, etc) before handing over the envelope.
When I told my FI about the etiquette involving money and guests, he said "But our family expects the envelopes and if it's not there, everyone's going ask where they are." Just a different spin on this

I would tell your FI that this "custom" would have to be carried out in a different way so as not to leave your side with the impression that they have to give envelopes with money. His family can expect it, but they can't expect yours to participate.

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