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Fsil drama

colexcolex member
Second Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Over the weekend my parents met my FIs family (mom and his 3 sisters ... His brother has been over the house a lot). During the BBQ my mom was discussing the wedding with him mom and showing her the venue that FI and I have picked out. Fi's oldest sister then goes on a rant about how she can cater our wedding for half and that he's wasting his money (my parents have offered to pay for the reception) by doing what I want. He then told her to knock it off. A couple of hours later as they were getting ready to leave she corners me and tells me that she better be included in my bridal party. I haven't asked anyone yet but I do have people I want to ask and she is not one of them just because she can be so caustic. I do plan on asking his youngest sister because her and I are actually friends. Does anyone have any advice on how to handle this? Thank you
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Re: Fsil drama

  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    She sounds like a pain. Your WP should be the people that you are close to and that you want standing next to you on your wedding day - no one else. Personally, I'd stand my ground on this. Ask who you want, if she brings it up say you've selected your bridal party but you're so excited that she'll be there as a guest to celebrate with you and your FI, and then change the subject.

    If more than that needs to be done to handle the situation, your FI needs to deal with it. It's his family so he should be the one to shut it down if she gets out of control.


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  • colexcolex member
    Second Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    Usually he ignores her and he does stick up for me. When it comes to her being mean to me he steps in and tells her to knock it off. We did on one occasion leave a party early because she would not stop making comments about my weight. We don't see his sisters often, maybe 3 times a year if that. At the moment I'd be happier with her not coming, however, she is the type to just show up anyway.
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  • bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    colex said:
    Usually he ignores her and he does stick up for me. When it comes to her being mean to me he steps in and tells her to knock it off. We did on one occasion leave a party early because she would not stop making comments about my weight. We don't see his sisters often, maybe 3 times a year if that. At the moment I'd be happier with her not coming, however, she is the type to just show up anyway.
    Wow. She's sounds horrible. Definitely do not ask this woman to be a part of your WP. It might cause some drama but hopefully everyone will understand why you didn't ask her.


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  • colexcolex member
    Second Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    Oh you have no idea. I've gained and lost the same 10 pounds a few time in the 3 years FI and I have been together, she notices. Btw thank you for reading, :-)
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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    She sounds nasty. If he wants to ask her to be on his side, let him but you should definitely not ask her.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    Definitely don't ask someone you are not close with and who treats you poorly to be in your wedding party. If she corners you again, tell her you have already selected your wedding party and then change the subject. If she persists, have your fiance tell her to leave you alone. 


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  • NOLAbridealmostNOLAbridealmost member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    Etiquette wise you can stand your ground and ask whoever you want. But personally, I think you're asking for trouble if you include his youngest sister and not the oldest (who clearly wants to be asked....middle sister might not care). I'd stick to just your own closest friends and family. Your FI can ask the sisters to be in his wedding party if he wants.
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  • BarbLovesDaveBarbLovesDave member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments Name Dropper
    Ask the younger sister, but brace yourself for drama. I would advise letting Brother tell Older Sister she's not in the WP, face-to-face in private.

    You could avoid some amount of drama by not asking either sister.
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  • Xstatic3333Xstatic3333 member
    250 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary First Answer
    That's a tough one. PPs have a point that asking neither will avoid the drama, but if the younger sister is a good friend it's kind of a shame. Your call, but a tough one for sure.
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  • colexcolex member
    Second Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    Thank you for all the advice. It's definitely something to think about. Thank goodness I have some time.
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  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom member
    Tenth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    Ditto NOLA as well.  If you want to honor the youngest sister, then ask her to do a reading at the wedding.
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  • colexcolex member
    Second Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    It's just a shame. FIs youngest sister and I are really close friends. As i said, you ladies have given me a lot to think about. As for his middle sister, she doesn't care if she's in the bridal party or not but she did say that she wants to do a reading if that's okay with me.
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  • efmcc67efmcc67 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    It seems like a shame that you can't have the youngest sister in your wedding party if she is a close friend. You know the people involved, and we don't, so I'm sure you and your FI will come to the best decision. Could you maybe make the youngest sister and BM, and honor the oldest sister by having her and the middle sister do readings? Or maybe she could stand up on your fiancé's side?
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  • kiddodarlingkiddodarling member
    10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    edited July 2013
    Although I agree with PP about asking the younger sister causing drama, I think it is unfair that she shouldn't be asked cause of her sister. I also think it'll cause drama regardless of if you include the younger sister or not.

    The wedding I'm in right now has a similar situation. The bride didn't want her older cousin in the wedding, but she wanted her younger one. After deliberation she decided not to ask her younger cousin, cause she didn't want to upset the older cousin. However, the younger cousin is really upset about it and genuinely hurt. She wanted to be in the wedding and the whole ordeal hurt their relationship a bit.

    With that being said, I would ask the younger sister because you two are closer, then ask the older and middle sister to do readings. What does your Fiancé think?
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  • colexcolex member
    Second Anniversary 25 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper
    My FI is standing with me 100%. He has said from the get go that he does not want his oldest sister involved because there relationship is strained to say the least. He was appalled that she cornered me at my house over the holiday and told her that she is on "thin ice" in regards to their relationship. We have to discuss this more and see where time takes us in regards to his oldest sister, I am not going to make a hasty decision especially with the wedding being in March of 2015. It is just aggravating and annoying having to deal with childish family members this far out.
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  • meggiemomeggiemo member
    100 Comments Third Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    I think you really have to weigh the drama factor here. Not asking her to be in the WP might cause some drama, but at least you can walk away from it. If you DO ask her to be in the wedding party, you are stuck having to deal with her and all of the drama she'll bring along. She sounds like enough drama for 10 wedding parties! I'd stick with your original plan and let her get over it!
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  • kiddodarlingkiddodarling member
    10 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its
    A lot can happen in the months leading up till your wedding. You can lose a lot of friends and gain some. So maybe the FSIL will calm down and stop being a pain. There's always hope!
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  • Dreamergirl8812Dreamergirl8812 member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    Side note: Your FI sounds awesome.

    Also, how is this woman going to act at pre-wedding parties? What about the wedding itself? You may want to limit the bar to wine and beer.    ;)



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