Just received an E-vite to my friend's wedding

Dreamergirl8812 · July 2013

I just received an E-vite to my friend's wedding. Ok, it was cute, but she "addressed" it to me and GUEST. She was my roommate and FI was our neighbor when we met so they have know each other for 6 1/2 years. And her wedding is 3 weeks after mine which means he will be my husband.

Guest? I never realized why that irritated people so much. I get it now.

SuperMinty · July 2013

"Sorry, I have to look at kittens memes that day. I hope you and your guest have a lovely wedding."

Weesh · July 2013

That's terrible--I'm sorry that she was so thoughtless. It doesn't take a long time or very much effort to either write the name or find the name out. Considering she was your roommate and she knows him, It was inconsiderate

However, that graphic is the funniest thing I've seen in a long time, LOL!

bethsmiles · July 2013

That happened to me once, except I was the "and guest". We hung out with the bride and groom the night before they were addressing the invites. I'd been with my SO for 3 years. I was pissed. Also, their wedding sucked. 6 spotlight dances (including a dollar dance) and a cash bar...yuck we should've just declined.

Dreamergirl8812 · July 2013

Yeah, a cash bar is a real possibility. Apparently I missed my chance to steer her in the right direction on invites, but hopefully it's not too late to save the wedding.

freebread03 · July 2013

Eh, I was an "and guest" to a wedding with FI a few years ago. I don't think we were engaged yet, but we'd been together almost 2 years at the time (only slightly less time than the couple who's wedding we were attending) and had dinner with the both of them about 1 month before invites came out. I was irritated for a minute, but she's never been a winner at etiquette.

Blue_Bird · July 2013

Dreamergirl8812 said:

I just received an E-vite to my friend's wedding. Ok, it was cute, but she "addressed" it to me and GUEST. She was my roommate and FI was our neighbor when we met so they have know each other for 6 1/2 years. And her wedding is 3 weeks after mine which means he will be my husband.

Guest? I never realized why that irritated people so much. I get it now.

That should have been a clue that nothing therein would go well.

SuperMinty · July 2013

Liatris2010 said:

H got an invite addressed to him and guest before we were married, while we were dating. I told the bride how much I was looking forward to the wedding. She told me I wasn't invited. Ummmm, WHO DO YOU THINK HE IS BRINGING AS HIS GUEST!?!?!?!?!

Did you go??

This happened to me once a few years ago. I had been dating the person (not FI) 2.5 years and saw the couple on a weekly basis, but the invitation was addressed to ExBoyfriend and Guest. I was a little miffed.

PrettyGirlLost · July 2013

Liatris2010 said:

H got an invite addressed to him and guest before we were married, while we were dating. I told the bride how much I was looking forward to the wedding. She told me I wasn't invited. Ummmm, WHO DO YOU THINK HE IS BRINGING AS HIS GUEST!?!?!?!?!

http://media.tumblr.com/7167c7b1b9782180e4d2e5a5ef805382/tumblr_inline_mk8oywyCy11qz4rgp.gif

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lzijt8llxH1qhnr1lo1_500.gif

Chloeagh · July 2013

My mom actually just got an invite to her "and guest." I said that was kinda funny and she said, "Yeah, well, if [my stepdad] can't go, I'll just bring [her best friend]!" She and my stepdad have been married for 12 years, but it is also the wedding of a young co-worker, so she doesn't care that much.

AddieCake · July 2013

That's hilarious, Lia.

thisismynickname2 · July 2013

Did the bride use a calligrapher for the invitations? That could have been a mistake by the stationary company if so.

The reason I point that out is that I was dating someone for about 2 years when he was invited to a wedding by an old college friend (who lived in another town; most of that crowd was spread around the country and didn't see each other much). The invitation was only addressed to him. I know the basics of etiquette and said, "Well we're not engaged nor living together; maybe it's a small wedding and that's why you don't get a guest." We never pushed it at all. Lo and behold, he was talking to his close friend, who was a groomsman, who asked if I was coming. The groomsman was very surprised to hear that I hadn't been invited. He checked with the groom, who said that when he saw that my boyfriend had RSVP'd alone he didn't want to awkwardly question why- like maybe we'd broken up! I was supposed to be invited--- the stationary place had screwed up. It was too late to add me by that point.

(It turned out to be a huge wedding at a fabulous location- and again, because he'd gone alone, other college friends figured he was single and tried to set him up at the wedding. He kept having to be like "No, seriously, I have a girlfriend." LOL)

Anyway, I wouldn't take offense to being the Guest if the invitations were professionally made.

BarbLovesDave · July 2013

I really dislike "And Guest" invitations. It's insulting to the person invited and the host loses control of the guest list. What is your "Guest" is someone the host detests?

thejucheidea · July 2013

thisismynickname said:

Did the bride use a calligrapher for the invitations? That could have been a mistake by the stationary company if so.
The reason I point that out is that I was dating someone for about 2 years when he was invited to a wedding by an old college friend (who lived in another town; most of that crowd was spread around the country and didn't see each other much). The invitation was only addressed to him. I know the basics of etiquette and said, "Well we're not engaged nor living together; maybe it's a small wedding and that's why you don't get a guest." We never pushed it at all. Lo and behold, he was talking to his close friend, who was a groomsman, who asked if I was coming. The groomsman was very surprised to hear that I hadn't been invited. He checked with the groom, who said that when he saw that my boyfriend had RSVP'd alone he didn't want to awkwardly question why- like maybe we'd broken up! I was supposed to be invited--- the stationary place had screwed up. It was too late to add me by that point.
(It turned out to be a huge wedding at a fabulous location- and again, because he'd gone alone, other college friends figured he was single and tried to set him up at the wedding. He kept having to be like "No, seriously, I have a girlfriend." LOL)

Anyway, I wouldn't take offense to being the Guest if the invitations were professionally made.

It was an e-vite, so no, there wouldn't be a calligrapher involved.

efmcc67 · July 2013

I was a "guest" on a wedding invitation FI received a few years ago. These were college friends who had started dating around the same time we had, and we'd spent A LOT of time together as couples. That royally pissed me off, and I did not go since I didn't see the point in traveling from Indiana to New York to be a "guest." This wasn't the couple's only etiquette violation. This is one of those weddings that people still talk about, years later.

StephJean83 · July 2013

On a bunch of wedding invites FH got in the first couple years we were dating either omitted me completely or listed me as "and Guest". One person said that they did it because they didn't want to misspell my name and offend me. I told them my name(first and last) have been misspelled my whole life and expect from people I don't know, and will have it continue with FH's last name. Funnily enough we just attended a wedding of a college friend of FH's and FH's name was misspelled but mine was correct.

I didn't take offense to not being listed on the invites or being listed as "and Guest" when we were just dating. For the ones I was left off the invite entirely, I had him call to see if it was an oversight, especially because I wasn't about to take time off of work, book a hotel and drive 7 hours for a wedding that I wasn't actually invited to.

LavenderHoneyBee · July 2013

Maybe the E-vite template didn't have room for a second name???

I kid I kid. I think that when a couple is sending out E-vites you can't really expect formality right?

hockeywife10 · July 2013

FI got a STD for a wedding a month after ours, and It was addressed to him alone. I also found it odd, they sent it out 3 months before their wedding. I am curious to see what name or names comes on the invitation!

daisey18 · July 2013

Playing devils advocate here:

I have always assumed that some people often use "and guest" for all of their guests, so that their main invitee is aware that they can bring anyone they want if their SO does not want to or cannot attend. I understand why this is rude for married people, BUT- if you really want your best friend Shelly to come, and you know that Shelly's boyfriend hates weddings, works nights and won't take time off, etc, but you still want Shelly to feel comfortable bringing anyone she wants to accompany her- then the "And Guest" wording saves Shelly, and multiple other guests, from coming alone when they didn't have to, because they wouldn't call you to ask if they could bring someone else then SO, because THAT is also rude...

As far as "controlling your guest list" goes- ppffft! My favorite teacher used to always say,

"Tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are."

I've always found that adage to be true. If I couldn't trust a guest not to bring someone who I hate, fear, or find incredibly irritating- then I wouldn't invite that guest in the first place.

allispain · July 2013

daisey18 said:

Playing devils advocate here:
I have always assumed that some people often use "and guest" for all of their guests, so that their main invitee is aware that they can bring anyone they want if their SO does not want to or cannot attend. I understand why this is rude for married people, BUT- if you really want your best friend Shelly to come, and you know that Shelly's boyfriend hates weddings, works nights and won't take time off, etc, but you still want Shelly to feel comfortable bringing anyone she wants to accompany her- then the "And Guest" wording saves Shelly, and multiple other guests, from coming alone when they didn't have to, because they wouldn't call you to ask if they could bring someone else then SO, because THAT is also rude...

As far as "controlling your guest list" goes- ppffft! My favorite teacher used to always say,
"Tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are."
I've always found that adage to be true. If I couldn't trust a guest not to bring someone who I hate, fear, or find incredibly irritating- then I wouldn't invite that guest in the first place.

I actually purposefully did this for one of my guests - one of my closest friends - because her husband was scheduled to be deployed several months before our wedding. However, I included a note in the STD specifically saying that since her H was supposed to be out of the country, if she wanted to bring her mom, sister, best friend, or anyone else that would be fine (since she would be driving in from so far away) - but if her H's deployment schedule got changed or it got cancelled altogether, obviously I would love for him to be able to come. Luckily, his deployment did end up getting cancelled and he was there - and proceeded to make fun of me every time he saw me about him being "and guest" :-)

That being said, the only other "and guest" on our entire list was for one of DH's friends who wasn't dating anyone specific. Everyone else got mentioned by name.

Psych819 · July 2013

My FI and I have been engaged for over a year now. We were invited to a wedding in August and it was addressed my name and guest. The bride and her family know I am engaged and they also know his name.So I guess it goes without saying I was a little annoyed by this. However, I have been the "guest" as well. We were invited to one of his grad school classmates wedding. She knew me and claimed we were friends. When the invite came it was addressed FI's name and guest. So I figured out we weren't that good of friends since she couldn't remember my name for the invite.

TheBaysideBride · July 2013

and here I thought the e-vite was going to be the issue! honestly, the only reason to put "and guest" when you know the couple is extreme laziness or uncertainty that the couple will still be together at your wedding.

KatJon14 · July 2013

Yuck.

I was invited to my stepsister's wedding with a + Guest. We were not engaged at the time, but had been dating for over 2 years and were living together.

I assumed they just wrote + Guest because they didn't know how to spell my BF's last name, but when I asked my dad about it, he said proper etiquette was to only list the SO's name if they're married. What?! Sigh...

ashleyep · July 2013

I got in an argument last weekend over this. Some girls in my family are stuck on the old etiquette where you only invite a guest by name if they're engaged, living together, or married. I told her it bothered me when I got my invite an my now FI but then BF's name wasn't on it. We had been together for 4 years, she saw him all the time at family events, she knew he was the one I would be going with. She said that even her brother got invited with an "and guest."

Some of the reasons she gave to justify it were really dumb ('well you never know what could happen, look at X they just broke up" - well so can marriages and engagements), but basically, it's outdated etiquette and it bothered me for about 5 minutes and then I moved on. My dad, who grew up with way more etiquette than I did, also said that *technically* they're not wrong, though I still think it's just common courtesy.

It makes me want to RSVP with a random friend, because I'm sure that's not who they intended me to invite as my guest.

NYCBruin · July 2013

This drives me nuts. We have gotten invitations addressed to me and guest and to FI and guest. The most annoying part is that both times the couple had asked for our address via facebook. Seriously, you know we are engaged, all you have to do is click on the name of the person whose message you are reading and you have the name and proper spelling of their SO! I understand that sometimes it may be very hard to track down the SO's name, but if it's RIGHT there, I just don't get why you couldn't write the person's name instead of "guest."

Lia-that story made me literally laugh out loud at the ridiculousness!

Dreamergirl8812 · July 2013

ashleyep said:

I got in an argument last weekend over this. Some girls in my family are stuck on the old etiquette where you only invite a guest by name if they're engaged, living together, or married. I told her it bothered me when I got my invite an my now FI but then BF's name wasn't on it. We had been together for 4 years, she saw him all the time at family events, she knew he was the one I would be going with. She said that even her brother got invited with an "and guest."

Some of the reasons she gave to justify it were really dumb ('well you never know what could happen, look at X they just broke up" - well so can marriages and engagements), but basically, it's outdated etiquette and it bothered me for about 5 minutes and then I moved on. My dad, who grew up with way more etiquette than I did, also said that *technically* they're not wrong, though I still think it's just common courtesy.

It makes me want to RSVP with a random friend, because I'm sure that's not who they intended me to invite as my guest.

I should text my friend and tell her I'm still deciding who to take to her wedding. She'd be like, WTF you'll have a husband by the time I get married.

Oh, did you mean to invite him? Because his name isn't Guest.

NYCBruin · July 2013

Dreamergirl8812 said:

ashleyep said:

I got in an argument last weekend over this. Some girls in my family are stuck on the old etiquette where you only invite a guest by name if they're engaged, living together, or married. I told her it bothered me when I got my invite an my now FI but then BF's name wasn't on it. We had been together for 4 years, she saw him all the time at family events, she knew he was the one I would be going with. She said that even her brother got invited with an "and guest."

Some of the reasons she gave to justify it were really dumb ('well you never know what could happen, look at X they just broke up" - well so can marriages and engagements), but basically, it's outdated etiquette and it bothered me for about 5 minutes and then I moved on. My dad, who grew up with way more etiquette than I did, also said that *technically* they're not wrong, though I still think it's just common courtesy.

It makes me want to RSVP with a random friend, because I'm sure that's not who they intended me to invite as my guest.

I should text my friend and tell her I'm still deciding who to take to her wedding. She'd be like, WTF you'll have a husband by the time I get married.

Oh, did you mean to invite him? Because his name isn't Guest.

This made me laugh out loud. And I loved your post.

Just received an E-vite to my friend's wedding

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