I don't know what to do! Cancel wedding?

futuremrsmeadtrudel · July 2013

Ok so we have been engaged and planning our wedding since June of 2012 and our wedding is 52 days away. Here's the problem... we made all of the arrangements, booked all of our professionals, payed deposits, bought dress and rings, and are on the path to a wedding that we planned. However, we made these arrangements after being told that we would have help financially from my in laws. Recently my mother in law was diagnosed with brain cancer and have been undergoing treatments, shes is not working and can't really afford to help us financially anymore (even if they could I could not take the money from them under the circumstances). On top of that my fiances brother decided to get married 2 weeks after us and because they are apparently worse off financially than we are the family is more concerned about helping them pay for their wedding. When all these issues happened our wedding party through us a stag and doe to help us out financially so we wouldnt have to cancel anything.... Well wouldnt that be a perfect time for my car to break down and practically cost me all of the money we made at the stag and doe oh and wait my hours at work got cut too! We are 7 weeks away from the wedding and I dont think I can financially afford to go through with it... My fiance and I are ok with eloping but I know his family would be disappointed and I dont know how I would go about cancelling a wedding after invitations etc have been sent out... Any suggestions? Advise?

Also my parents have passed away so I cannot ask them for help and we are currently trying to get our own place to live as we have a child and are living with my step father... I feel that is a little more important than a wedding.

deannagirly · July 2013

You could just send out little things saying due to unforseened circumstances you have decided to postpone the wedding. Then when your financially stable you can start planning again. Overall its a decision you and your FH have to make together. If you want to elope then that's up to you, or if you want to wait that's up to you. Whatever decision you feel is more appropriate. If you decide to elope talk to the family and let them know your doing it for financial reasons.

tallman504 · July 2013

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they may help

tallmn504

daisey18 · July 2013

Do not postpone getting married. You have a child together, you need to set in all of the legal protection that comes with being married now. Getting your own place is definitely more important than having a big wedding. You should just go get a JOP or County Clerk marriage. BUT:

Having a Stag and Doe is not only not good for etiquette reasons, it is bound to cause bad feelings when you have one then use that money to fix your car! Your friends are not going to have a great time via your car. They were willing to help you throw a fabulous party that they would enjoy. You need to find a way to pay them all back.

I'm sorry about your FMIL's health, and the car, and everything else.

Honestly, maybe you could have a backyard or park celebration bbq after your JOP wedding. Write a lovely letter to all of your guests that due to unforeseeable issues, you have had to change the details of your wedding, but you would like everyone to come and celebrate with you at ____________ for bbq. Use the stag and doe money for the food. Then you don't have to pay everyone back and you can still have a wedding- just not the fancier version you intended.

kdaniels29 · July 2013

Have you considered that the gifts people give you will help you recoup some of your costs? I've never heard of a stag and doe so I had to google it, but from what I read it doesn't look like it replaces the gift that someone would give you for the actual wedding. I know you're not "supposed" to expect gifts blah blah blah but the reality is most couples get a pretty nice chunk of change for their wedding. You could always throw somethings on a credit card and pay it off with your gift money.

wittykitty14 · July 2013

I'm sorry you're in a bind. From what I can tell, these are your options:

1.) Try to work with your current venue to see if there's anything you can do about the cost or possibly a payment plan (a long shot, but that's where I'd start, because you never know)

2.) Postpone the wedding, and see if the venue will keep your deposits and move to a later date. This way, you won't have to lose what you've already put into it, and you have more time to save.

3.) Cancel the current venue, and try to find another venue that fits your current guest list (since invites are out) that works within the budget you have now. This may not be an option.

4.) Have a JOP ceremony now, and celebrate with a few witnesses that you're able to host for a backyard bbq. To me, this seems the most feasible, but it comes with the difficulty of having to contact all your guests and tell them your plans changed. Financially, this may be a good choice. You can always throw a kick-ass anniversary party down the road once your finances are more stable.

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck!

sonthirathb · July 2013

Oh man so sorry about all the circumstances. I just posted a thread about how bummed I was but now reading your situation makes me feel real selfish.

I love all of the suggestions from previous poster. Good luck to you on whatever you decide!

[Deleted User] · October 2013

Sorry to hear about your situations. Here are some suggestions that may help you with getting things on track, because chances are you won't get your deposits back on your vendors.

Talk to florist to see if it is possible to change flower arrangments to lower the costs by making them smaller or using different flowers. If you have to, cut the flowers for the guys and parents and any extras you have
Talk to reception venue to see if there are any changes you can make to your menu to lower the costs of the food
If you are having alcohol, what about doing just a beer/wine/pop bar to lower the cost or even eliminat all alcohol. That will probably save a few hundred dollars
If you were planning for a limo or renting a car, consider cancelling that. That's the one type of vendor you can usually cancel without too much if any penalty
Photographer - depending on how many hours you booked them for, consider if you think that you can get away with having them for lessor time, but don't cut their time back if it means you'll miss key photos
If you were planning a honeymoon, if it's not all pre-booked/paid stuff, maybe delay that and do something more low key for a few nights.
Talk to venue about shortening booking time. If you have the hall for say 5 hours, how much would you save cutting it down to 4 hours (plus then you can save an hour on the DJ)
If you haven't already bought favors, skip them, they aren't a requirement, nice but not required

If you can get yourself within $500 of what you need, you'll probably be fine because chances are you'll recoup that in gifts (hopefully). Good luck!!!

Anaelsea · November 2013

No wedding insurance? Do you have a lawyer in the family? Push it back a year from now, or dont feed people dinner, just have drinks and mini appetizers for a short reception, can you afford that? I recently went to a wedding in france with 150 guests at the church ceremony, and a reception in the churches activity room/annex, with two long tables, two floral arrangements, and champagne and trays of chocolates, tiny little creampuffs, and fancy treats. Noone complained and everyone was very happy because the ceremony was at 1pm.

First, I would write a short letter to copy your vendors, tell them that due to the fiances mothers illness, you are canceling the reception, and you hope that they can refund you your deposit, and to please reply by -so and so date- if they say no, then ask if you can reschedule with them for your vow renewal party next year and carry your deposit over to the next year. but def get married

ChristieMarieMOH · January 2014

HisGirlFriday13 · January 2014

@ChristineMarieMOH -- First of all, no vending on the boards. Second of all, this thread is six months old. OP is long gone, and the problem is solved one way or the other.

@KnotPorscha, close please?

ChristieMarieMOH · January 2014

HisGirlFriday13 · January 2014

You (a) identify yourself as a lawyer and you (b) put a disclaimer about your post may be considered attorney advertising. You can't advertise here; it's against TOS.

In future, look at the date under the poster's name; that will tell you when the thread was started. Anything more than a month or so old is really too old to be commenting on.

I don't know what to do! Cancel wedding?

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