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Expressing preference for bridal shower (nice & brief)

AjulianaAjuliana member
500 Comments 250 Love Its Fourth Anniversary Name Dropper
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
My MOH wants to throw a Lingerie Bridal Shower for me.  I'm very grateful that she wants to host a shower, but I am not exactly comfortable with the idea.  Yes, I acknowledge I am a prude.    

Is my only option to decline?  Or am I allowed to suggest we do anything else (literally...anything else)?  

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Previously Alaynajuliana


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Re: Expressing preference for bridal shower (nice & brief)

  • coolwhipz1coolwhipz1 member
    Fourth Anniversary 100 Comments Name Dropper 5 Love Its

    decline. if she asks (which she probably will) just tell her that theme makes you uncomfortable and leave it at that.

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  • Simply FatedSimply Fated member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
    You're definitely allowed to let her know that a lingerie shower isn't really for you and ask if she wants some suggestions.

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  • NOLAbridealmostNOLAbridealmost member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    Next time you're talking to her in person, you can say "I love that you want to host me a shower, but I would be really embarrassed if it were a lingerie shower. I'd rather skip it if it has to be that theme." And then wait for her response. If she doesn't seem to be willing to drop the theme, then just give her a heartfelt "Thank you so much for offering, but I'd rather not" but my guess is she'll instantly offer to switch themes.
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  • AddieCakeAddieCake member
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 25 Answers
    I'm not a prude at all, and I would decline a lingerie shower. I don't like people picking out ANY of my clothes, least of all my lingerie. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • misshart00misshart00 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    I say decline if it makes you uncomfortable. But I disagree with PP that they're straight up tacky. They are very common in my circle and a lot of fun.
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    Moderator 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary
    NOLAbridealmost said:
    Next time you're talking to her in person, you can say "I love that you want to host me a shower, but I would be really embarrassed if it were a lingerie shower. I'd rather skip it if it has to be that theme." And then wait for her response. If she doesn't seem to be willing to drop the theme, then just give her a heartfelt "Thank you so much for offering, but I'd rather not" but my guess is she'll instantly offer to switch themes.
    This.
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  • efmcc67efmcc67 member
    100 Love Its 100 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    Agree with PPs. Not wanting a lingerie shower doesn't make you a prude. Honestly, I don't get lingerie showers at all. Yeck.
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  • harper0813harper0813 member
    500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Anniversary First Answer
    "Thank you for the offer, but I don't feel comfortable with a lingerie shower."
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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    Eighth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    If you are not comfortable with it then nicely tell her thanks but no thanks.  I too would be uncomfortable with people buying me lingerie because that would involve me telling everyone my bra and underwear size and really I feel any underwear of lingerie should be bought by the wearer only.

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  • BMoreBride6BMoreBride6 member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    Lobster1987 said:

    I'd decline....I don't think you are being a prude....lingerie showers are just straight up tacky...Like honestly, does she really think your aunts, your mom, your cousins, and your GRANDMA want to know what you're going to wear while you have sexytime with the hubby?

    Ew.

    I'd decline and say why...Tell her you are uncomfortable with that theme and would prefer a more traditional shower if you were to have one.

    or HIS for that matter...creepy
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  • ashleyepashleyep member
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper First Anniversary
    edited July 2013
    All of the ones I've been to have been at the bachelorette party - and for my cousins coincidentally. The person hosting made it clear that you could bring whatever you wanted, panties, or even cute PJs if lingerie made you cringe. This weekend the bride's mom sent a lovely robe with the Maid of Honor. At one of them even my aunts were there and it was fine - but my family is just weird like that.

    But yes, just tell her it makes you uncomfortable.
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  • misshart00misshart00 member
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    My grandma helped my MOH plan mine. They thought it was awesome.
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  • lyntopherlyntopher member
    Second Anniversary 10 Comments
    southernbelle0915 said:
    Yea no. My mom and FMIL will not be picking out the sexy-time clothing I will wear for FI. No way. How do you write a thank you note for that anyway?

    "Dear Grandma,

    Thank you so much for the bustier and matching panties. Yellow is FI's favorite color and he's on it like a bee on honey if you know what I mean! I wear them all the time and I'm getting a lot more action than before. You're the greatest! Can't wait to see you at the wedding!"
    Southernbelle: I had to laugh at your note. It IS a tough thank you note to write. I didn't have a lingerie shower, but it is my (otherwise conservative, traditional) grandmother's tradition to buy the women in her family non-conservative lingerie (think black lace, hot pink, leopard print, etc.). I forgot to warn my future SIL, so FI's family was a bit surprised! Most of them thought it was very spunky of her. The rest of us know it is her thing. It is a bit of a rite of passage to open that gift with an audience. Luckily the tablecloth and napkin were easier to address specifically in the thank you note!

    To address OP: I agree with the above advice. I think it is fine to explain your discomfort is why you'd decline as that opens it up to her to offer another type of party without you asking for another type of party.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer Name Dropper
    I've brought lingerie to showers where the shower and bachelorette are the same day/a few hours apart.  I give it to the bride directly and warn her so she can open it when she wants and not be embarrassed busting out some lingerie in front of G-ma.
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